In-law problems?

[buds]

[quote]\"Boomerang effect\" ... hmmm... i like how you say that.

I'm used to karma and retribution, boomerang effect - sounds
fancy! I'll borrow that phrase sometime.. hope u dun mind.[/quote]

winth:

No problem at all! It's good to know someone likes it.

Thanks!

winth:

Hi csc, I'm really happy that you have got good MIL and I have seen good MIL too. My friend had too, and she told me that she can talk to her MIL whole day. But one strange thing that I realised, those good MIL stories that I've heard are usually very soft-spoken ladies and they tend the housechores really well. Dunno coincidence or wat.

Yup, i've had a few friends myself... who shared their sisterly-relationship
with their MIL's. Envy..

winth:

Talking about this year's CNY, my in-laws and MIL's 2 other sisters along with their families went for a group trip together to Cameron Highlands..

I feel for you, winth.. It must've been really tough on you.
Thank goodness, hubs felt the same way you do... :love:
What a horrible trip to undergo and to remember too!
Definitely a memorable one - for the wrong reasons.

[csc]

Winth,


You're real courageous to travel with your mil's family. Wow!

Usually, we travel with my mil ONLY. Have not tried travelling with sils' family or even my own siblings' family yet.... Aniwae, my husband sure will be the first one to object .... his view is so ma fun..... how to cater to the needs of so many people .... sure got conflict.... how to enjoy trip then?

Jedamum is right lah.....all of us dils must learn to cultivate a quiet spirit lah... :lol: BUT i believe in standing up for our rights , if need be.... glad that you, winth and your husband stated your stand clearly abt going back to your parents' house. :ugogirl:

Also , a reminder is that in handling such issues and also with all other relationships, it is best to 'attack' issues and not the \"parties\". That means despite all their shortcomings and not forgetting ours too, we still need to respect them as our elders.

Remember, our children are watching and learning our attitudes and actions!

[winth]

[quote] I feel for you, winth.. It must've been really tough on you.

Thank goodness, hubs felt the same way you do...
What a horrible trip to undergo and to remember too!
Definitely a memorable one - for the wrong reasons.[/quote]My MIL and her elder sis were already discussing their next CNY's trip to Thailand, even before the Cameron's.

So after that trip, my DH said STOP to all CNY trips. He would like to stay in Singapore and go visit all relatives then just get booked by his own family.

[winth]

[quote]Also , a reminder is that in handling such issues and also with all other relationships, it is best to 'attack' issues and not the \"parties\". That means despite all their shortcomings and not forgetting ours too, we still need to respect them as our elders.


Remember, our children are watching and learning our attitudes and actions![/quote]Gulp! I know... I'll be a future-MIL x 2 too... that's why I don't dare to speak ill or condemn her. It's her actions that make me :stupid: most of the time.

Not forgetting my SIL who drives me up my nerves the most. As for my MIL, I think she secretly knows where she stands in my husband's heart, so she dun dare to be too upfront and come challenge me. She just discreetly does her own ignoring when we are alone. So by and large, me still quite okay treated, as long as my DH is there.

It's more like I've to let go of my own self-inflicted misery caused by those actions, if not I'm a happily married woman.

My MIL one very pitiful woman too. She was ill-treated upfront by her own MIL and her SILs and her own husband don't even care or make any stand, so can't really compare to hers.

[buds]

csc:

Winth, Jedamum is right lah..... all of us dils must learn to cultivate a quiet spirit lah... :lol: BUT i believe in standing up for our rights , if need be.... glad that you, winth and your husband stated your stand clearly abt going back to your parents' house. :ugogirl:

Hurray for that lifesaver..

csc:

Also , a reminder is that in handling such issues and also with all other relationships, it is best to 'attack' issues and not the \"parties\". That means despite all their shortcomings and not forgetting ours too, we still need to respect them as our elders. Remember, our children are watching and learning our attitudes and actions!

Yup, ditto that.

When the children were older, if they chance upon
anything not right with MIL towards me, they'll ask me,
\"Mum, why grandma like that?\" I'll just quietly reply,
\"Its ok. She just didn't understand that's all, but she will
one day, ok..\"

They'll go, \"Poor mummy.. but its okay, i'm here & i love you.\"
:love:

Yup, kids are watching..
Always watching..

[mom2boys]

from the time i know my hubby, i knew that i will need to stay with my MIL after marriage..with 6 siblings, my hubby has always been stuck with his mother since day 1 as being the youngest, I guessed he got not much of a choise


so here i am, 6yrs...living with my MIL..a blessing in disguise, my MIL is already pass the unreasonable stage as with a age of 80plus, she's like a big kid that needs to be pamper and bring her go walk walk whenever we have the time..so with my 2kids, plus one old kid..i've 3kids to take care of :oops: not much of a confriction...but much more of spending our time with my MIL during weekends...

to my MIl, my hubby will always be the baby in her eyes...knock on our door some morning, as an alarm clock to get him out of bed :!:
complaint of no food in fridge so that we can bring her out to supermarket
fight with grandson over food :stupid:
complaint maid din spend time on her

hubby always reminded me :\" dun treat your sons next time:' cos he always been that he being tied down by his mother :lol:

[pinky]

Dear buds,

In x out (opposite)-laws, get it?
Anyway, to those ladies/men who suffer from ‘in-laws from HELL’ syndrome,
out-laws will be a more appropriate word to describe them ie
unreasonable, uncompromising, unlawful …etc
We will be MIL and FIL in future so let this be a
learning experience for
all of us.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

I totally salute those who is able to stay with their PIL peacefully under the same roof. There are extremely nice PIL that I’ve heard from friends. So far not many horror stories I have heard from my close friend either.


Years ago, when I had the chance to choose my hdb flats, I wanted to select the one near my PIL, SIL place. My husband was really against my idea. When we bought our car, he warns me not to be a miss nicey nicey & call his mum to bring out for a ride. I am not allowed to meet nor call unless he comes along or okay it.

I dont understand why until I saw her true colors (she’s not staying with us). When we first got married, whenever we go to visit her, as soon as my husband not at my side, PIL starts to attack me verbally. There’s a time when we went to visit her as a family, because she is not able to get her way, she and SIL started to scream at my husband & me in front of our terrified kids. I’ve never been screamed at before so I was shaking as badly as our kids.

We lives in fear for the next few months whenever we went out for dinner. My husband conjunct this scenario "what if while eating, his mum saw us & hurl abusive words loudly in public against us". If that happens, he wants me to grab the kids & walk quickly away while he settle the bill.

SIL apologizes months later when we as a family bravely visit MIL again. MIL talks nicely to me as a gesture to say how sorry she is.

But I guess the damage is done. My kids who witness their outburst are afraid to go to their place again. My ds asked me "Is that daddy’s stepmother?" While my daughter in school, openly discuss & compare about grandmothers among their friends. I’ve since warned her not to do it again.

I find it’s very sad. I can imagine she’s feeling lonely and wanting loves from her four kids. Only issue is that her temperament & her never ending wants makes all her four kids afraid of her.

[winth]

[quote]Years ago, when I had the chance to choose my hdb flats, I wanted to select the one near my PIL, SIL place. My husband was really against my idea. When we bought our car, he warns me not to be a miss nicey nicey & call his mum to bring out for a ride. I am not allowed to meet nor call unless he comes along or okay it. [/quote]
Your husband got all the foresight, told you what not to do in order to protect you.

hehe... I was totally against the idea of living anywhere near any of our parents too. That time, already saw those hints of ignoring liao when I was still a gf.

But had suffered from the inconvenience too when we had children as both our parents are living way in the west while we in the central. But all was well worth it, we grew to be alot more independent and took care of our children well.
[quote]When we first got married, whenever we go to visit her, as soon as my husband not at my side, PIL starts to attack me verbally. There's a time when we went to visit her as a family, because she is not able to get her way, she and SIL started to scream at my husband & me in front of our terrified kids. [/quote][quote]SIL apologizes months later when we as a family bravely visit MIL again. MIL talks nicely to me as a gesture to say how sorry she is. [/quote]At least your SIL bothers to apologise, no matter how in/sincere it is.
[quote]I find it's very sad. I can imagine she's feeling lonely and wanting loves from her four kids. Only issue is that her temperament & her never ending wants makes all her four kids afraid of her.[/quote]Same here actually. The family is plagued by endless problems actually and I know she only wants the company of his son just to make her feel better. But it always ends up with HD running away from her bec of the endless grumbles and complaints. Last time, we will try to go half a day (with dinner + shopping/outing together), then now becomes 3 hours (just dinner). And sometimes, he doesn't mind leaving after having dinner and just 1 hour of conversation (all in about 2 hours).

He has told me before that he feels very sad and stressed up when he's with his family. And he feels so carefree and at ease when he's with my parents. He's even planning to go kelong trip with my family again and genting trip with my parents, but when it comes to planning for trips with his family, it's always... err... maybe someday...

[sashimi]

Perhaps it has to do with expectations as parents - many parents probably have this notion that their children will be with them forever. I'm already mentally prepared otherwise.


I suddenly have this very very very weird insane idea that I should filter out those of you here on KSP who are nice + with nice boys, and see if I can matchmake my DD to your boy. This way at least we are more likely to end up happily matched, ILs and all. . . . :idea: Some of the behaviour of parents I've seen in public really scare me (the parents' behaviour, not the kids).

Shessh, what the heck am i thinking.....