No Problem is problem
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Life is not a bed of roses. Jia jia you ben nan lian de jing.
You should try to look at all the positive aspects in your family instead of focusing or indulging in self pity. Identify the positive aspects and build on them.
I am sure you should be able to find as many positive aspects of your family relationship as the negative aspects you have ranted. I am no psychologist but this is all I can say to help you. -
CJS:
KPO translate for you... 家家有本难念的经Life is not a bed of roses. Jia jia you ben nan lian de jing.
You should try to look at all the positive aspects in your family instead of focusing or indulging in self pity. Identify the positive aspects and build on them.
I am sure you should be able to find as many positive aspects of your family relationship as the negative aspects you have ranted. I am no psychologist but this is all I can say to help you. -
ksi:
Hey Donkey Kong, Way2Go will make good company for drinks, you should take his offer and meet up with him. His kid is GEP, so maybe you can learn from him how to manage yours?
GEP kid's father quite senang one.... :lol: Like driving automatic cars. They drive you, not you driving.
My kid is wild horse, hard to tame.
Must learn the ropes from old cowboy. :celebrate:
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Donkey Kong:
It is similar in some ways because they drive you like your kid is driving you now. Active kids are active kids so I am sure Way2Go has got some good tips to share. No harm meeting him right?GEP kid's father quite senang one.... :lol: Like driving automatic cars. They drive you, not you driving.
My kid is wild horse, hard to tame. Must learn the ropes from old cowboy. :celebrate: -
ksi:
It is similar in some ways because they drive you like your kid is driving you now. Active kids are active kids so I am sure Way2Go has got some good tips to share. No harm meeting him right?
Meeting man/woman in this forum, can be mistaken as an affair.... :lol:
Meet in group then called conference. :celebrate: -
Jennifer:
Totally agree with you Jennifer! Having children really is damaging to a marriage, or more appropriately, a relationship. That's why they say \"marriage is the graveyard of romance\". My DH also complains I have black face when he comes home. Unlike a working mother, SAHM is home most of the time and has no one to talk to when she faces frustrations dealing with kids, maids, and other household chores. It's very true that these -ve feelings will slowly build up, especially without a supportive and understanding husband, and eventually turn into indifference and even worse attitude. However, there's no way out as we're already married w/ kidsAfter years of mediating disputes, big or small, between my two children (13 y.o and 8 y.o) almost daily, I wish I had not married or had married but did not hv children. Maybe it's just me. I think having children can do damage to a marriage. Maybe that's why many modern couples now choose not to have children.
Trust me on this one, it is definitely not healthy to be on a bad mood everyday. DH can comment why I always black faced when he comes home from work. Those who work are taught to leave whatever unhappiness in office outside the home's doorstep. What about stay at home mothers? Whose doorstep can they leave their unhappiness? It just get built inside the system day in day out. And finally it erupted into feeling nothing for the family, just staying together for the sake of staying together, becos there is still a sense of responsibility towards the husband and the young children. That's why we see middle aged divorces when the children in the marriage grow up and become independent.
Having said all these, I still feel blessed to have 2 lovely kids :love:. A coin has 2 sides. While I sometimes envy some of my single girl friends who are successful in their career and are free to do whatever they want, I'd feel I'm missing something if I didn't have kids. -
Jennifer:
No worries Jennifer. Cheer up. Having teenage kids not easy nowadays. We all have unhappy times with the kids when they are not guai. But just tell yourself, this is a learning process for them. Its part and puzzle of growing up life. If we give up on them, they would give up on themselves. Jia you!All children were cute when very young. Some turned monstrous later. For me with a short fuse, it can be worse for the parent.
Many times I ask myself if my expectations of how they should know how to take care of themselves makes me unhappy when they fall short of my std. What do I really want out of my children?
Sorry for the rant. Been feeling very unhappy lately.
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minnie2004:
Just imagine, if our parents tell us, we are damaging to their relationship, they rather choose not to have us because they miss out so many good things in life all because of us, how would we feel? If they say that to me when I am at my teenage time, I would feel very very upset, heart breaking and sad ....Totally agree with you Jennifer! Having children really is damaging to a marriage, or more appropriately, a relationship. That's why they say \"marriage is the graveyard of romance\". My DH also complains I have black face when he comes home. Unlike a working mother, SAHM is home most of the time and has no one to talk to when she faces frustrations dealing with kids, maids, and other household chores. It's very true that these -ve feelings will slowly build up, especially without a supportive and understanding husband, and eventually turn into indifference and even worse attitude. However, there's no way out as we're already married w/ kids
Having said all these, I still feel blessed to have 2 lovely kids :love:. A coin has 2 sides. While I sometimes envy some of my single girl friends who are successful in their career and are free to do whatever they want, I'd feel I'm missing something if I didn't have kids.
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To spend 25 yrs of my life learning/studying is siong.
To spend another 25 yrs of my life jiaga (look after) kids, so that they will not take wrong paths, is lagi siong...
By then, I old old liow..... 55++ :!: Those married later, lagi older....
Climb Great wall of China, no stamina liow...
This is life???? :stupid: :? -
daisyt:
Just imagine, if our parents tell us, we are damaging to their relationship, they rather choose not to have us because they miss out so many good things in life all because of us, how would we feel? If they say that to me when I am at my teenage time, I would feel very very upset, heart breaking and sad ....
Sadly that's what my mom told me when I was pregnant w/ no. 2. She didn't exactly say we (me & my brother) ruined her marriage, but she said she wished she didn't give birth to us. I was so hurt :shock: :x back then. How could she say such a thing?? She said she didn't want me to suffer as bringing up kids is no easy task at all. My brother had complications during birth and my parents' marriage has never been a smooth sailing, but they stay together just b/c of us. Now that I have my own family and kids, I can finally start to understand where she was coming from, although I'd never say such words to my own kids.
In fact becoming a mom is like opening my eyes to a different world, a lot of things I couldn't understand before suddenly become so clear.
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