$350k for 1 child?

[buds]

HyperKiasu:

if there is no IL problem, parents benefit us more than they benefit from us if they live with us, right?

Nope not really.

I can get along with my ILs. They are the ones who cannot get along
with me. :lol: Aniwaes, jokes aside.. though i have many many issues
living with ILs, i don't see myself benefitting more cos hubs and i do
not ask anything of them. We take care of them, for better or worse
and for sickness and in health regardless. They do not need to take
care of our children nor do the housework though FIL helps out a LOT.
He likes a clean house. I guess the only thing we wish for and not
that we ask for it.. is that they do not give us any intentional problems.

Dun give us money problems or cause us marital problems or always
interfere in the way we raise our children. While we value their
experience & seniority as parents, times have really changed. So, while
some rules can still apply and work in olden days, it may backfire in
current times. Living together as a family, getting to watch the grand
children grow and spending quality time doing meaningful things during
the silver age, not required to do housework or contribute to the house
hold and sorts.. going for occasional short trips.. etc... in short just live
life happy and keep things simple & cordial.

In our case, they benefit more cos we are here taking care of them.

Our children may benefit from extended family relationships, having
a strong sense of family ties... how we take care of one another...
the children can tell the filial aspect of looking up and looking out for
our elders and making them happy. Since the problems that usually
arise are between the adults, the children are not involved in these
head banging issues. They see how we try to maintain harmony in
the house despite our differences or the issues that we face.

Our (hubs and i) parents sure didnt fork out 350k for each of us cos
we were thrown in the wild right after sec sch. In fact, we worked
while we were in school. We turned out fine nevertheless and never
harped on the issues of $ and why we were left to fend for ourselves.
We are the ones with our parents till today.. money aside, we wudn't
even be here if not for them.

[HyperKiasu]

tree nymph:

HyperKiasu:

:offtopic:


sometimes i forgot to buy and when remembered it, can't find it in supermkt...will check out again....

curry leave plant? i m interested... u bought the plant as a whole? is it easy to grow?

i got a young plant from my mum and plant it. very easy to plant and grow quite fast. just need very sunny place and well-watered.

the plant availabe in the market?

[mumwgals]

buds:

Not exactly to calculate and demand pay back :lol:, but for reminiscence
factor... when we look back into those days when the kiddies were
younger.

I have no intention to ask back from them too :lol: .

To my hb & me, taking care of our children and providing them the basic necessities, is our way of showing our unconditional love and responsibility of bringing them to this world. We would try to instil and set good example but will not pin 100% hope that they will become what we want them to be.

[buds]

:hugs: for you mumwgals! :hugs:

[HyperKiasu]

buds:

HyperKiasu:

if there is no IL problem, parents benefit us more than they benefit from us if they live with us, right?

Nope not really.

I can get along with my ILs. They are the ones who cannot get along
with me. :lol: Aniwaes, jokes aside.. though i have many many issues
living with ILs, i don't see myself benefitting more cos hubs and i do
not ask anything of them. We take care of them, for better or worse
and for sickness and in health regardless. They do not need to take
care of our children nor do the housework though FIL helps out a LOT.
He likes a clean house. I guess the only thing we wish for and not
that we ask for it.. is that they do not give us any intentional problems.

Dun give us money problems or cause us marital problems or always
interfere in the way we raise our children.

ur expectation is pretty low.
it is a blessing to have you as their DIL
....some PIL esp MIL would ask his son to divorce his wife if their is money conflict....(in my earlier post, one son give whatever he has to his mother... it will be ok if he is single. but after married, his wife suffered.... they quarrelled a lot, MIL want his son to divorce...when his wife was pregnant with 2nd baby, MIL wanted her to abort.... )

buds':

In our case, they benefit more cos we are here taking care of them.

after reading ur post, i understand perhaps the time for my parents to benefit more from us has not yet come....
actually i always feel very guilty for my parents....they sacrifice so much, i give them allowance, they never spent and always keep... and every year give my kids very big red pack during CNY....
that is why i say giving allowance to parents is nothing....

[buds]

HyperKiasu:

ur expectation is pretty low.

it is a blessing to have you as their DIL....some PIL esp MIL would ask his son to divorce his wife if their is money conflict....(in my earlier post, one son give whatever he has to his mother... it will be ok if he is single. but after married, his wife suffered.... they quarrelled a lot, MIL want his son to divorce )

Yes. I have been told i have exceptional tolerance. :lol:
Most times much to my disadvantage. Patience may not
neccesarily be a virtue. It can be a pain at times. :rotflmao:

I've been through the above during the earlier years of marriage.
My husband is the eldest and since he started working in school, he
has been giving $ to his mom and keeping only what he needs. So due
to the manja-ing, it took a while for his mom to adapt especially since i
was still working full-time. When my #1 news came, it sorta resolved on
its own. There were disagreements over $ issues but not to the
extent of divorce.

buds':

In our case, they benefit more cos we are here taking care of them.

HyperKiasu:

after reading ur post, i understand perhaps the time for my parents to benefit more from us has not yet come.... actually i always feel very guilty for my parents....they sacrifice so much, i give them allowance, they never spent and always keep... and every year give my kids very big red pack during CNY.... that is why i say giving allowance to parents is nothing....

Like your parents, mine are pretty cosy in their retirement nest however
not all other parents are in similar comfortable circumstances hence they
are the ones who do appreciate maintenance $. Since everyone of us are
raised in different living conditions and lifestyles, our practices of what's
norm will vary. It's understandable. We're here for the sharing and not
in any way imposing our ways unto others. :hugs:

So, back to topic... d'ya think u need 350k for each of your children, as
per the thread starter's (smurf) question for discussion?

[tamarind]

mumwgals:

markfch:

[quote=\"HyperKiasu\"]
that looks a bit 夸张

In that case, then I'm worse cos I purposely hand over my monthly allowance to my ds so that he can give to my mum. Much to the amusement of my mum :lol:

I asked my girls to hand the monthly allowance to my dad too. I told them that GongGong had work hard to support me when he was younger and now he is too old to work and support himself, by giving him the monthly allowance, it will bring a smile on his face as he knows that he will not have to worry to find money to buy food for the next 30days and also he will have money to buy sweets for them too *which my dad always did, he would buy 2 bottles of M&M every month for them*. That goes the same to the christmas present we give to old folks home every year. I told them, these old grandpas and grandmas have done much to the society when they were younger, we should show our appreciation and respect by making them happy. Before christmas, they will dig out some money from their piggy bank and we will go supermarket to buy some groceries and bring them to the old folks home. I hope to teach my girls, when they give, they must give from their heart, not because of obligation.

My hb and I hope not to be a burden to my children when we grow old, especially financially.[/quote]
markfch, mumwgals,
That is a very good idea ! I should have thought of it earlier
OK I will also do the same starting from this month.

[tamarind]

tree nymph:

But I don't think Tam say Independence is a bad thing or led the kids to be ingrate to their parents.


But in your earlier posting, where you think that staying with parents or parents-in-law has MORE to benefit for us, then i suggest you rethink about it. maybe you can talk to Jedamum, Mathsparks or even Buds to list a few...

And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line.

tree nymph,
Yes I never said that independence is a bad thing.

I had babies about 11 years after I started to work. I did not need any help from my parents, but I gave them allowance from the very first month that I received my salary. After I have babies, I employed a maid. My mother lives with me only to supervise the maid. I give my mother $700 a month, in addition to the $700+ that I spend on my maid. I also gave my late father $300 a month even though he was not living with us. I definitely did not save any cost.

My mother feels very happy taking care of my kids. She would have been so lonely if she stays in her own flat.

If western style independence means parents and kids don't help out each other, then this is precisely what I don't want to follow.

[dimsum]

buds:

mumwgals:

And I did exactly the same, ask my girls to count their blessing. I did not take note when did it actually started but my girls will thank my hb and me after each meal and every outing we have when we are on our way home and sometimes when they say goodnite to us, they will thank us again for the great day.

Sounds like my girls too, mumwgals. :hi5:

They'd thank us before outing, during outing and after outing. :love:
The fact that they appreciate the time and expense taken to bring them
out is special to them. Being able to spend family time together is special
to them. It's good that children learn to appreciate and reflect on things
they're fortunate to have, as blessings.

All your girls are so 懂事! I will have to work on this blessing aspect with my DS so that he won't take things for granted. Thanks for sharing!

[markfch]

buds:

I can get along with my ILs. They are the ones who cannot get along with me.

Haha buds, very funny way of putting it. It's like I got into a fight, punch my friend and then complain that my friend uses his face to hit my fist :rotflmao: (joking only )