$350k for 1 child?

[HyperKiasu]

buds:

HyperKiasu:

if there is no IL problem, parents benefit us more than they benefit from us if they live with us, right?

Nope not really.

I can get along with my ILs. They are the ones who cannot get along
with me. :lol: Aniwaes, jokes aside.. though i have many many issues
living with ILs, i don't see myself benefitting more cos hubs and i do
not ask anything of them. We take care of them, for better or worse
and for sickness and in health regardless. They do not need to take
care of our children nor do the housework though FIL helps out a LOT.
He likes a clean house. I guess the only thing we wish for and not
that we ask for it.. is that they do not give us any intentional problems.

Dun give us money problems or cause us marital problems or always
interfere in the way we raise our children.

ur expectation is pretty low.
it is a blessing to have you as their DIL
....some PIL esp MIL would ask his son to divorce his wife if their is money conflict....(in my earlier post, one son give whatever he has to his mother... it will be ok if he is single. but after married, his wife suffered.... they quarrelled a lot, MIL want his son to divorce...when his wife was pregnant with 2nd baby, MIL wanted her to abort.... )

buds':

In our case, they benefit more cos we are here taking care of them.

after reading ur post, i understand perhaps the time for my parents to benefit more from us has not yet come....
actually i always feel very guilty for my parents....they sacrifice so much, i give them allowance, they never spent and always keep... and every year give my kids very big red pack during CNY....
that is why i say giving allowance to parents is nothing....

[buds]

HyperKiasu:

ur expectation is pretty low.

it is a blessing to have you as their DIL....some PIL esp MIL would ask his son to divorce his wife if their is money conflict....(in my earlier post, one son give whatever he has to his mother... it will be ok if he is single. but after married, his wife suffered.... they quarrelled a lot, MIL want his son to divorce )

Yes. I have been told i have exceptional tolerance. :lol:
Most times much to my disadvantage. Patience may not
neccesarily be a virtue. It can be a pain at times. :rotflmao:

I've been through the above during the earlier years of marriage.
My husband is the eldest and since he started working in school, he
has been giving $ to his mom and keeping only what he needs. So due
to the manja-ing, it took a while for his mom to adapt especially since i
was still working full-time. When my #1 news came, it sorta resolved on
its own. There were disagreements over $ issues but not to the
extent of divorce.

buds':

In our case, they benefit more cos we are here taking care of them.

HyperKiasu:

after reading ur post, i understand perhaps the time for my parents to benefit more from us has not yet come.... actually i always feel very guilty for my parents....they sacrifice so much, i give them allowance, they never spent and always keep... and every year give my kids very big red pack during CNY.... that is why i say giving allowance to parents is nothing....

Like your parents, mine are pretty cosy in their retirement nest however
not all other parents are in similar comfortable circumstances hence they
are the ones who do appreciate maintenance $. Since everyone of us are
raised in different living conditions and lifestyles, our practices of what's
norm will vary. It's understandable. We're here for the sharing and not
in any way imposing our ways unto others. :hugs:

So, back to topic... d'ya think u need 350k for each of your children, as
per the thread starter's (smurf) question for discussion?

[tamarind]

mumwgals:

markfch:

[quote=\"HyperKiasu\"]
that looks a bit 夸张

In that case, then I'm worse cos I purposely hand over my monthly allowance to my ds so that he can give to my mum. Much to the amusement of my mum :lol:

I asked my girls to hand the monthly allowance to my dad too. I told them that GongGong had work hard to support me when he was younger and now he is too old to work and support himself, by giving him the monthly allowance, it will bring a smile on his face as he knows that he will not have to worry to find money to buy food for the next 30days and also he will have money to buy sweets for them too *which my dad always did, he would buy 2 bottles of M&M every month for them*. That goes the same to the christmas present we give to old folks home every year. I told them, these old grandpas and grandmas have done much to the society when they were younger, we should show our appreciation and respect by making them happy. Before christmas, they will dig out some money from their piggy bank and we will go supermarket to buy some groceries and bring them to the old folks home. I hope to teach my girls, when they give, they must give from their heart, not because of obligation.

My hb and I hope not to be a burden to my children when we grow old, especially financially.[/quote]
markfch, mumwgals,
That is a very good idea ! I should have thought of it earlier
OK I will also do the same starting from this month.

[tamarind]

tree nymph:

But I don't think Tam say Independence is a bad thing or led the kids to be ingrate to their parents.


But in your earlier posting, where you think that staying with parents or parents-in-law has MORE to benefit for us, then i suggest you rethink about it. maybe you can talk to Jedamum, Mathsparks or even Buds to list a few...

And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line.

tree nymph,
Yes I never said that independence is a bad thing.

I had babies about 11 years after I started to work. I did not need any help from my parents, but I gave them allowance from the very first month that I received my salary. After I have babies, I employed a maid. My mother lives with me only to supervise the maid. I give my mother $700 a month, in addition to the $700+ that I spend on my maid. I also gave my late father $300 a month even though he was not living with us. I definitely did not save any cost.

My mother feels very happy taking care of my kids. She would have been so lonely if she stays in her own flat.

If western style independence means parents and kids don't help out each other, then this is precisely what I don't want to follow.

[dimsum]

buds:

mumwgals:

And I did exactly the same, ask my girls to count their blessing. I did not take note when did it actually started but my girls will thank my hb and me after each meal and every outing we have when we are on our way home and sometimes when they say goodnite to us, they will thank us again for the great day.

Sounds like my girls too, mumwgals. :hi5:

They'd thank us before outing, during outing and after outing. :love:
The fact that they appreciate the time and expense taken to bring them
out is special to them. Being able to spend family time together is special
to them. It's good that children learn to appreciate and reflect on things
they're fortunate to have, as blessings.

All your girls are so 懂事! I will have to work on this blessing aspect with my DS so that he won't take things for granted. Thanks for sharing!

[markfch]

buds:

I can get along with my ILs. They are the ones who cannot get along with me.

Haha buds, very funny way of putting it. It's like I got into a fight, punch my friend and then complain that my friend uses his face to hit my fist :rotflmao: (joking only )

[markfch]

tamarind:

mumwgals:

[quote=\"markfch\"]
In that case, then I'm worse cos I purposely hand over my monthly allowance to my ds so that he can give to my mum. Much to the amusement of my mum :lol:

I asked my girls to hand the monthly allowance to my dad too. I told them that GongGong had work hard to support me when he was younger and now he is too old to work and support himself, by giving him the monthly allowance, it will bring a smile on his face as he knows that he will not have to worry to find money to buy food for the next 30days and also he will have money to buy sweets for them too *which my dad always did, he would buy 2 bottles of M&M every month for them*. That goes the same to the christmas present we give to old folks home every year. I told them, these old grandpas and grandmas have done much to the society when they were younger, we should show our appreciation and respect by making them happy. Before christmas, they will dig out some money from their piggy bank and we will go supermarket to buy some groceries and bring them to the old folks home. I hope to teach my girls, when they give, they must give from their heart, not because of obligation.

My hb and I hope not to be a burden to my children when we grow old, especially financially.

markfch, mumwgals,
That is a very good idea ! I should have thought of it earlier
OK I will also do the same starting from this month.[/quote]Next month I'm going to tell my mum that *ahem* some parents think this is a good idea too. Mum tends to laugh at me (behind my ds's back of course) whenever I make ds hand over the allowance stuff. She thinks that I'm overdoing this filial piety thingy. But I always tell her, must show good example mah. Then she roll her eyes and laugh. :lol:

[jedamum]

HyperKiasu:

markfch:

[quote=\"HyperKiasu\"]
mmmmm if the grandmum sacrificed much of her own time at their golden age taking care of the kids.....

no offense here:
Live together with parents can benefit the young couple more than benefit the old parents if there is no relationships issues ....
i have seen enough cases of old parents taking care of kids, saving a lot of cost for the whole family...
so giving old ppl allowance is nothing....

You seem to insinuate that young couples give allowance to their parents only when they need their old folk's help? Hmm, interesting food for thought ....

this is a sweeping statement.
i m not that complicated to insinuate anything as u think....[/quote]yes, it is a sweeping statement.
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:

[tree nymph]

jedamum:

yes, it is a sweeping statement.
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:

oh, this is bad!

:roll: :roll:

[smurf]

er, i very unfilial hor? i dun give allowance to parents. I tried to give mum allowance last time, but she dun want. she said i not working and give me back... :oops:


and then, when I give her ang pow on CNY, she give back the ang pow (in bigger sum inside)...