$350k for 1 child?

[tamarind]

tree nymph:

But I don't think Tam say Independence is a bad thing or led the kids to be ingrate to their parents.


But in your earlier posting, where you think that staying with parents or parents-in-law has MORE to benefit for us, then i suggest you rethink about it. maybe you can talk to Jedamum, Mathsparks or even Buds to list a few...

And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line.

tree nymph,
Yes I never said that independence is a bad thing.

I had babies about 11 years after I started to work. I did not need any help from my parents, but I gave them allowance from the very first month that I received my salary. After I have babies, I employed a maid. My mother lives with me only to supervise the maid. I give my mother $700 a month, in addition to the $700+ that I spend on my maid. I also gave my late father $300 a month even though he was not living with us. I definitely did not save any cost.

My mother feels very happy taking care of my kids. She would have been so lonely if she stays in her own flat.

If western style independence means parents and kids don't help out each other, then this is precisely what I don't want to follow.

[dimsum]

buds:

mumwgals:

And I did exactly the same, ask my girls to count their blessing. I did not take note when did it actually started but my girls will thank my hb and me after each meal and every outing we have when we are on our way home and sometimes when they say goodnite to us, they will thank us again for the great day.

Sounds like my girls too, mumwgals. :hi5:

They'd thank us before outing, during outing and after outing. :love:
The fact that they appreciate the time and expense taken to bring them
out is special to them. Being able to spend family time together is special
to them. It's good that children learn to appreciate and reflect on things
they're fortunate to have, as blessings.

All your girls are so 懂事! I will have to work on this blessing aspect with my DS so that he won't take things for granted. Thanks for sharing!

[markfch]

buds:

I can get along with my ILs. They are the ones who cannot get along with me.

Haha buds, very funny way of putting it. It's like I got into a fight, punch my friend and then complain that my friend uses his face to hit my fist :rotflmao: (joking only )

[markfch]

tamarind:

mumwgals:

[quote=\"markfch\"]
In that case, then I'm worse cos I purposely hand over my monthly allowance to my ds so that he can give to my mum. Much to the amusement of my mum :lol:

I asked my girls to hand the monthly allowance to my dad too. I told them that GongGong had work hard to support me when he was younger and now he is too old to work and support himself, by giving him the monthly allowance, it will bring a smile on his face as he knows that he will not have to worry to find money to buy food for the next 30days and also he will have money to buy sweets for them too *which my dad always did, he would buy 2 bottles of M&M every month for them*. That goes the same to the christmas present we give to old folks home every year. I told them, these old grandpas and grandmas have done much to the society when they were younger, we should show our appreciation and respect by making them happy. Before christmas, they will dig out some money from their piggy bank and we will go supermarket to buy some groceries and bring them to the old folks home. I hope to teach my girls, when they give, they must give from their heart, not because of obligation.

My hb and I hope not to be a burden to my children when we grow old, especially financially.

markfch, mumwgals,
That is a very good idea ! I should have thought of it earlier
OK I will also do the same starting from this month.[/quote]Next month I'm going to tell my mum that *ahem* some parents think this is a good idea too. Mum tends to laugh at me (behind my ds's back of course) whenever I make ds hand over the allowance stuff. She thinks that I'm overdoing this filial piety thingy. But I always tell her, must show good example mah. Then she roll her eyes and laugh. :lol:

[jedamum]

HyperKiasu:

markfch:

[quote=\"HyperKiasu\"]
mmmmm if the grandmum sacrificed much of her own time at their golden age taking care of the kids.....

no offense here:
Live together with parents can benefit the young couple more than benefit the old parents if there is no relationships issues ....
i have seen enough cases of old parents taking care of kids, saving a lot of cost for the whole family...
so giving old ppl allowance is nothing....

You seem to insinuate that young couples give allowance to their parents only when they need their old folk's help? Hmm, interesting food for thought ....

this is a sweeping statement.
i m not that complicated to insinuate anything as u think....[/quote]yes, it is a sweeping statement.
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:

[tree nymph]

jedamum:

yes, it is a sweeping statement.
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:

oh, this is bad!

:roll: :roll:

[smurf]

er, i very unfilial hor? i dun give allowance to parents. I tried to give mum allowance last time, but she dun want. she said i not working and give me back... :oops:


and then, when I give her ang pow on CNY, she give back the ang pow (in bigger sum inside)...

[jedamum]

tree nymph:

okok, point taken. But I don't think Tam say Independence is a bad thing or led the kids to be ingrate to their parents.


But in your earlier posting, where you think that staying with parents or parents-in-law has MORE to benefit for us, then i suggest you rethink about it. maybe you can talk to Jedamum, Mathsparks or even Buds to list a few...

ah....it depends on which point of view you see the issue from.
on the point of having peace of mind in emergency childcare and for us, home-cooked food-wise, yes, staying with my PIL greatly benefitted us.
on the point of learning to live independently, staying with PIL have handicapped us in this way. it is akin to asking a lion in the zoo, do you preferred a well-fed sheltered life or an adventurous and free life in the wild
so far, from the few backyard stories that i had heard, those couples benefitted from staying with their PIL....although if given an option, most DILs prefer to stay with their mums than MILs la.

[jedamum]

tree nymph:

And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line.

there is another group of couples who live with their parents so that they can rent out their flat to supplement their own income. :roll:

[jedamum]

tree nymph:

jedamum:

yes, it is a sweeping statement.
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:

oh, this is bad!

:roll: :roll:

haiz, sometimes it is a case of wanting the best for one's own children that one tend to neglect their own parents. if the situation is that you only have $300 a mth to spare, will you rather spend that amount on your parents' allowance at the expense of letting your kid have a headstart in learning at a CC or vice versa?
however, the above is not in the case that i witness. :roll: