$350k for 1 child?

[markfch]

tamarind:

mumwgals:

[quote=\"markfch\"]
In that case, then I'm worse cos I purposely hand over my monthly allowance to my ds so that he can give to my mum. Much to the amusement of my mum :lol:

I asked my girls to hand the monthly allowance to my dad too. I told them that GongGong had work hard to support me when he was younger and now he is too old to work and support himself, by giving him the monthly allowance, it will bring a smile on his face as he knows that he will not have to worry to find money to buy food for the next 30days and also he will have money to buy sweets for them too *which my dad always did, he would buy 2 bottles of M&M every month for them*. That goes the same to the christmas present we give to old folks home every year. I told them, these old grandpas and grandmas have done much to the society when they were younger, we should show our appreciation and respect by making them happy. Before christmas, they will dig out some money from their piggy bank and we will go supermarket to buy some groceries and bring them to the old folks home. I hope to teach my girls, when they give, they must give from their heart, not because of obligation.

My hb and I hope not to be a burden to my children when we grow old, especially financially.

markfch, mumwgals,
That is a very good idea ! I should have thought of it earlier
OK I will also do the same starting from this month.[/quote]Next month I'm going to tell my mum that *ahem* some parents think this is a good idea too. Mum tends to laugh at me (behind my ds's back of course) whenever I make ds hand over the allowance stuff. She thinks that I'm overdoing this filial piety thingy. But I always tell her, must show good example mah. Then she roll her eyes and laugh. :lol:

[jedamum]

HyperKiasu:

markfch:

[quote=\"HyperKiasu\"]
mmmmm if the grandmum sacrificed much of her own time at their golden age taking care of the kids.....

no offense here:
Live together with parents can benefit the young couple more than benefit the old parents if there is no relationships issues ....
i have seen enough cases of old parents taking care of kids, saving a lot of cost for the whole family...
so giving old ppl allowance is nothing....

You seem to insinuate that young couples give allowance to their parents only when they need their old folk's help? Hmm, interesting food for thought ....

this is a sweeping statement.
i m not that complicated to insinuate anything as u think....[/quote]yes, it is a sweeping statement.
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:

[tree nymph]

jedamum:

yes, it is a sweeping statement.
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:

oh, this is bad!

:roll: :roll:

[smurf]

er, i very unfilial hor? i dun give allowance to parents. I tried to give mum allowance last time, but she dun want. she said i not working and give me back... :oops:


and then, when I give her ang pow on CNY, she give back the ang pow (in bigger sum inside)...

[jedamum]

tree nymph:

okok, point taken. But I don't think Tam say Independence is a bad thing or led the kids to be ingrate to their parents.


But in your earlier posting, where you think that staying with parents or parents-in-law has MORE to benefit for us, then i suggest you rethink about it. maybe you can talk to Jedamum, Mathsparks or even Buds to list a few...

ah....it depends on which point of view you see the issue from.
on the point of having peace of mind in emergency childcare and for us, home-cooked food-wise, yes, staying with my PIL greatly benefitted us.
on the point of learning to live independently, staying with PIL have handicapped us in this way. it is akin to asking a lion in the zoo, do you preferred a well-fed sheltered life or an adventurous and free life in the wild
so far, from the few backyard stories that i had heard, those couples benefitted from staying with their PIL....although if given an option, most DILs prefer to stay with their mums than MILs la.

[jedamum]

tree nymph:

And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line.

there is another group of couples who live with their parents so that they can rent out their flat to supplement their own income. :roll:

[jedamum]

tree nymph:

jedamum:

yes, it is a sweeping statement.
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:

oh, this is bad!

:roll: :roll:

haiz, sometimes it is a case of wanting the best for one's own children that one tend to neglect their own parents. if the situation is that you only have $300 a mth to spare, will you rather spend that amount on your parents' allowance at the expense of letting your kid have a headstart in learning at a CC or vice versa?
however, the above is not in the case that i witness. :roll:

[markfch]

smurf:

er, i very unfilial hor? i dun give allowance to parents. I tried to give mum allowance last time, but she dun want. she said i not working and give me back... :oops:


and then, when I give her ang pow on CNY, she give back the ang pow (in bigger sum inside)...

Don't say that lah. It's the thought that counts mah. It's just that your mum is a very understanding person. Furthermore you've kids to take care. For my ds, next time he don't come and take :moneyflies: from us can already. DW & I intend to save up for our old age ourselves. We have heard too many horror stories liao. :scared:

[jedamum]

smurf:

er, i very unfilial hor? i dun give allowance to parents. I tried to give mum allowance last time, but she dun want. she said i not working and give me back... :oops:


and then, when I give her ang pow on CNY, she give back the ang pow (in bigger sum inside)...

smurf,
i dont work now too. i used to give my mum allowance when i was working, but she told me not to after i turn SAHM. then i kena scolded by dh. he insisted that if i insisted, my mum will accept.
now, that we will be shifting out of my PIL, my MIL told my dh that he don't have to give her allowance cos of our increase in expenditure. now it's my turn to insist cos if we really can't cope, we can find some other cost cutting means (considering both kids are on enrichment, that will be the first budget to trim).
i think if your mum really not accepting,you can give her occasional treats; can spend time with her somemore.

[HyperKiasu]

buds:

Yes. I have been told i have exceptional tolerance. :lol:

Most times much to my disadvantage. Patience may not
neccesarily be a virtue. It can be a pain at times. :rotflmao:
I've been through the above during the earlier years of marriage.
My husband is the eldest and since he started working in school, he
has been giving $ to his mom and keeping only what he needs. So due
to the manja-ing, it took a while for his mom to adapt especially since i
was still working full-time. When my #1 news came, it sorta resolved on
its own. There were disagreements over $ issues but not to the
extent of divorce. .

tnx for sharing
actually i think if $ is the problem, solve it with $....
actually during my early marriage life, i also quarrelled with my DH over $ issue, but as time pass by, i learn to compromise and become less $ sensitive....

buds':

So, back to topic... d'ya think u need 350k for each of your children, as per the thread starter's (smurf) question for discussion?

actually i haven't calculated so far how much has been incurred and how much will incur... partly becoz i don't want to be scared by the number and partly becoz different ppl have different spending habits....
tuition for example, if i choose not to overdosage my kids with tuition, i believe a lot $ can be saved.... also cut down dining out and travel also can save....
But one thing i dun agree with the $350k methodology is that it inculdes University level tuition fee...i dun think parents are liable for it. study loan is one way to reduce the burden. further, even if we can afford for overseas study, we can lend the money to children and be repaid after they graduate.
i believe by doing this they will better know life is not easy (though our parents don't want them to repeat hardship we have gone through) and they can learn to lead an indepent life. this will have long life impact...

the other way i look at $350K is that perhaps parents alreadyinccurred a substainal amount of $350K without realizing it if their kids are still young. and before U, already exceeded it again without realzing it... becoz we sometimes tend to overlook hidden cost/opportunity cost....