$350k for 1 child?
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smurf:
Don't say that lah. It's the thought that counts mah. It's just that your mum is a very understanding person. Furthermore you've kids to take care. For my ds, next time he don't come and take :moneyflies: from us can already. DW & I intend to save up for our old age ourselves. We have heard too many horror stories liao. :scared:er, i very unfilial hor? i dun give allowance to parents. I tried to give mum allowance last time, but she dun want. she said i not working and give me back... :oops:
and then, when I give her ang pow on CNY, she give back the ang pow (in bigger sum inside)... -
smurf:
smurf,er, i very unfilial hor? i dun give allowance to parents. I tried to give mum allowance last time, but she dun want. she said i not working and give me back... :oops:
and then, when I give her ang pow on CNY, she give back the ang pow (in bigger sum inside)...
i dont work now too. i used to give my mum allowance when i was working, but she told me not to after i turn SAHM. then i kena scolded by dh. he insisted that if i insisted, my mum will accept.
now, that we will be shifting out of my PIL, my MIL told my dh that he don't have to give her allowance cos of our increase in expenditure. now it's my turn to insist cos if we really can't cope, we can find some other cost cutting means (considering both kids are on enrichment, that will be the first budget to trim).
i think if your mum really not accepting,you can give her occasional treats; can spend time with her somemore.
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buds:
tnx for sharingYes. I have been told i have exceptional tolerance. :lol:
Most times much to my disadvantage. Patience may not
neccesarily be a virtue. It can be a pain at times. :rotflmao:
I've been through the above during the earlier years of marriage.
My husband is the eldest and since he started working in school, he
has been giving $ to his mom and keeping only what he needs. So due
to the manja-ing, it took a while for his mom to adapt especially since i
was still working full-time. When my #1 news came, it sorta resolved on
its own.
There were disagreements over $ issues but not to the
extent of divorce. .
actually i think if $ is the problem, solve it with $....
actually during my early marriage life, i also quarrelled with my DH over $ issue, but as time pass by, i learn to compromise and become less $ sensitive....buds':
actually i haven't calculated so far how much has been incurred and how much will incur... partly becoz i don't want to be scared by the number and partly becoz different ppl have different spending habits....So, back to topic... d'ya think u need 350k for each of your children, as per the thread starter's (smurf) question for discussion?
tuition for example, if i choose not to overdosage my kids with tuition, i believe a lot $ can be saved.... also cut down dining out and travel also can save....
But one thing i dun agree with the $350k methodology is that it inculdes University level tuition fee...i dun think parents are liable for it. study loan is one way to reduce the burden. further, even if we can afford for overseas study, we can lend the money to children and be repaid after they graduate.
i believe by doing this they will better know life is not easy (though our parents don't want them to repeat hardship we have gone through) and they can learn to lead an indepent life. this will have long life impact...
the other way i look at $350K is that perhaps parents alreadyinccurred a substainal amount of $350K without realizing it if their kids are still young. and before U, already exceeded it again without realzing it... becoz we sometimes tend to overlook hidden cost/opportunity cost.... -
jedamum:
:offtopic:
ah....it depends on which point of view you see the issue from.
on the point of having peace of mind in emergency childcare and for us, home-cooked food-wise, yes, staying with my PIL greatly benefitted us.
on the point of learning to live independently, staying with PIL have handicapped us in this way. it is akin to asking a lion in the zoo, do you preferred a well-fed sheltered life or an adventurous and free life in the wild
so far, from the few backyard stories that i had heard, those couples benefitted from staying with their PIL....although if given an option, most DILs prefer to stay with their mums than MILs la.
If next time ds asks us to take care of his kids, in a way I'll think that it's an endorsement. I'm not saying that I'll agree, but it shows that at least he and future dil has a certain level of confidence in us.
For me, I even hesitate to let mum take care of ds, cos she's super duper doting on him. I think my sis with her 2 kids also cannot tahan. (Sorry sis, not my fault ok). My ILs are worse. Last time when ds wants to wash his hands, they actually fill a pail with water and bring to him so that ds doesn't need to walk to the kitchen. :stupid:
Like tat how to let them take care? -
HyperKiasu:
dear Tam,
There is nothing wrong with the eastern feeling of being upset to be left in an old folks home.tamarind:
[quote=\"HyperKiasu\"]
i dunt agree again
i dun think westerns may never see their children again when children are grownup. even so, they won't feel too much disheartened.....
THe whole culture value system differs from ours. and they dun think there is anything wrong to spend their last days in old folks home.
only eastern feel upset about this....
The fact is many western ppl when they are getting old, they are still very active and very happy and still full of life like young kids !!
their old folks home is much better than what u have seen here !!
Believe me, you don't want to live your last days in an old folks home in Singapore. That is why so many maids are employed to take care of the elderly here, so that the elderly can grow old with dignity and be with their families to the end of their days.
why do we differ so much in this forum :?
on the contrary, i want to live in the old folk home when i am getting old...
i m not kidding, i m serious....
i dun want to be a burden to my children same as i dun want my children to be my burden when they reach 18....
that is why i want my kids to learn to live independently....[/quote]
Actually when I grow old and about to die, I plan to take a cruise to Alaska (my favourite place on earth), then secretly jump into the icy ocean and die instantly. Better if no one finds my body, that will save my kids the cost of funeral too.
But I find it very cruel to leave my mother alone in her old flat, or in an old folks home. I want her to live with us and to be surrounded by the laughter of her grandchildren, and employ a good maid to look after her.
I want to teach my kids to be kind to other people, and first they must learn to be kind to their own parents and grandparents. -
jedamum:
yes, it is a sweeping statement.
this is a sweeping statement.HyperKiasu:
[quote=\"markfch\"]
You seem to insinuate that young couples give allowance to their parents only when they need their old folk's help? Hmm, interesting food for thought ....
i m not that complicated to insinuate anything as u think....
but i do see it in my own backyard (that once the todd goes to childcare when hitting 18mths old, allowance to the grandparents' stopped). :roll:[/quote]actually i hope this is not sweeping statement. i mean if what i have seen heard is all exceptional cases, i think SG will be a heaven a paradise for old folks becoz everyone so ๅญ....
i learn from my MIL that:
not taking care of grandkids is ๆฌไปฝ
taking care of grandkids is ๆ ไปฝ
my own parents live with us only during school holiday and only recently...
in the past 7 yrs, (my DS P1), i can only work on and off thus only 4 yrs in total.... there is no continuity in my career...i dun blame anybody, it is the way life is for me....and now i have to give up decent paid job to take care of my two kids... growing old health doesn't permit me to joggle...
so ๅฎถๆไธ่ๅฆๆไธๅฎ
dont take it for granted.... -
tamarind:
Actually when I grow old and about to die, I plan to take a cruise to Alaska (my favourite place on earth), then secretly jump into the icy ocean and die instantly. Better if no one finds my body, that will save my kids the cost of funeral too.
dear Tam,HyperKiasu:
[quote=\"tamarind\"]
There is nothing wrong with the eastern feeling of being upset to be left in an old folks home.
Believe me, you don't want to live your last days in an old folks home in Singapore. That is why so many maids are employed to take care of the elderly here, so that the elderly can grow old with dignity and be with their families to the end of their days.
why do we differ so much in this forum :?
on the contrary, i want to live in the old folk home when i am getting old...
i m not kidding, i m serious....
i dun want to be a burden to my children same as i dun want my children to be my burden when they reach 18....
that is why i want my kids to learn to live independently....
But I find it very cruel to leave my mother alone in her old flat, or in an old folks home. I want her to live with us and to be surrounded by the laughter of her grandchildren, and employ a good maid to look after her.
I want to teach my kids to be kind to other people, and first they must learn to be kind to their own parents and grandparents.[/quote]when i read this, my eyes are watering....
i have same thought but i wuld choose a different place....
i envy you can have ๅคฉไผฆไนไน with parents living together with you... -
jedamum:
ya, now i start to recall that many yrs ago one collegue asked me whether i have friends looking for flat to rent becoz his friend wanted to rent out his whole flat so as to live with parents...
there is another group of couples who live with their parents so that they can rent out their flat to supplement their own income. :roll:tree nymph:
And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line.
but at that time i didn't think much of it...perhaps i was too young and still a single.... -
tamarind:
A lot is for social skills rather than keeping them at home. Going to kindergarten is also for exposure.Since kindergarten is not compulsory, it is actually possible to spend only on food and clothing and nothing else before the child enters primary school. It is not that such parents are ignorant about how progressive the world has become. Parents with university education are more than capable of teaching their own kids below the age of 7, it is just a matter of whether they want to learn to do so or not. For those parents who are not willing to put in the effort to learn how to teach, and are so willing to spend their money on enrichment classes to teach everything, then they should not complain that raising a child is expensive. If they at least try to put in some effort to teach, and do some research to find out what are the effective methods, then they will realize how easy it is. I find it surprising that so many highly educated parents do not have the confidence to teach kids below 7 years of age. In fact kids who are taught by their parents before primary school may be much more advanced than those who attend many enrichment classes.
As for those parents who think that teaching should be left to the professionals, note that unless you are prepared to pay a lot of money, it is not easy to find teachers who are really good at their jobs.
Note that school fees in primary schools are less than $10, and for secondary schools its less than $20 a month in all schools except independent schools.
Raising a child does not have to be so expensive, it is all a matter of choice. Many parents of low income (less than $2K a month) have managed to send their kids to university.
I once met a taxi driver with 3 kids. The youngest one was 8 and the oldest one was 18. He was driving the taxi part-time because he needed income. It surprised me during the conversation because he said he was unaware that raising a kid was ex. He even felt that paying $80 a month to the PAP kindergarten was a huge burden. Also, he found that he had to fork out addition for tuition because the work is much tougher nowadays.
Therefore whilst in principle it is true that you can don't go to kindy and just pay for food and clothes, the reality is that most ppl will not deny their child these necessities. -
HyperKiasu:
ya, now i start to recall that many yrs ago one collegue asked me whether i have friends looking for flat to rent becoz his friend wanted to rent out his whole flat so as to live with parents...
there is another group of couples who live with their parents so that they can rent out their flat to supplement their own income. :roll:jedamum:
[quote=\"tree nymph\"]
And to think like that, that parents or PIL can help to look after and take care of kids... This is not what i will tell my kids what fillial piety is about lor... I don't even think that is fillial piety, i think that this is making use of parents if the couple think along this line.
but at that time i didn't think much of it...perhaps i was too young and still a single....[/quote]Come to think of that my sis is one fine example. Once I overheard her saying to her DH that at least they do not need to do household chores and more convenient when they stayed over at parent's place.
Worse behind my back, she told my parents that she is more filial in staying with them and that they have alot of \"inconvenience\" by staying with them. And that hurts me especially coming from my own sis's mouth. :faint:
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