In-law problems?

[Andaiz]

buds:

That said, the only occasions PILs do keep an eye is
when we go for our late nite movie shows and couple
time out, which we only leave once the girls are all
settled in after shower, dinner and most times ready
for bed. They don't need to do anything. Just keep
an eye. Most times my girls can take care of them
-selves well enough or they're already asleep.

Yep! Learnt my lesson big time. Yesterday, PIL's arranged to bring the girls out with their only 1st cousin. They've talked about it for a long time and then finalized during the Father's Day Dinner.

On Sun afternoon, DH called to remind them about the \"date\" and MIL was like all flustered as DH asked about wet weather plans etc etc etc...newaes, to cut long story short, 1/2 hour before time, called my mum up to ask her to pack swim costumes coz they are bringing the kids swimming (i.e., read FIL goes into wading pool with 4 very active kids under 8 while MIL lounges by the poolside watching!) My mum called me and then I called DH (great tagteam we are) who then called FIL to confirm that he was going into the pool. :roll:

So off the kids went, with pep talk from me and my mum on safety and taking care of each other, about not running around etc....then at the change room, MIL left DD1 to dry DD3 up whilst she picks up her handbag from the locker. We were like :stupid: :stupid: :stupid: why???? didn't even wash her up while she attends to niece who's half a year younger than DD3. Sheesh! :frustrated:

Am glad, markfch and buds that you two think like me....

To plagarize markfch (aka copy shamelessly \"Liddat you think I dare to let them take care of ds or not? \"

[markfch]

LKVM:

We also do that... whenever lil DS2 fall down or get hurt just try to hit the floor or the wall and say this one hurt u i give hit back okk

One parenting councillor once warned me of the danger of doing this is. Next time when kids grow up and meet setbacks, they may have a tendency to blame others. In other words, like me :!:

My favourite words to ds is: 'Don't blame others, just learn from it'. So when he goes sch and wins in a board game, he'll console his classmates by saying the same thing. But when he loses, then he'll cry out loud :rotflmao: This according to the principal.

[buds]

Andaiz:

To plagarize markfch (aka copy shamelessly \"Liddat you think I dare to let them take care of ds or not? \"

The very 1st time i trusted them (PIL), i went out in anxiety and just
kept thinking of going back cos they normally just the touch and go,
hi and bye, wash hands off type.. not the kind who will jaga from
daylight to daybreak sort. More to just play play awhile and thats
it.

When i came back i wanted to cry when my girls said they were soooo
hungry and waited so long for us to get back. I saw that the food i cooled
in their bowls cold and untouched and the milk i prepared (to be taken shortly after dinner) followed by sleep time.. was also untouched.

Worse was, the girls were still so messy and in their day clothes.
Yup, they haven't even taken their shower. They were sticky and smelly
and dirty from a whole day's play. They also said they were very tired...
I felt so guilty & unhappy that i agreed to go out with hubs after seeing
the girls like that when we came back. I was so so so soo sooo sad...

I never wanted it to happen again.

I knew hubs was somehow surprised & sad too, he didn't say anything but
he helped me with the girls and also with feeding and milk later on. Men
mah.. single antenna and solve the problem kind. Negative things just
hold. In a way, it can be a good thing if women can do that.

Just a lotta swallowing loh..

I decided not to say anything that night since hubs somehow felt what i
felt and automatically came to my aid with the girls after we arrived back.
In a way, while words were unspoken... the mutual feelings were there.
So no words were needed. :love: I did sway my thoughts aloud to the gals
though, like \"Oh my poor babies.. i shouldn't have left you..\" and \"I feel
so bad...\" but all DD1 said after that was, \"So how? Did you and daddy
enjoy yourself with the show? Was it good? Hope you two had a fun day.\"

More guilty! Tho' it was so sweet of her!

We were told to enjoy ourselves when we left and MIL said dun worry
the girls will be fine. She'd take care of things. We came back with her
glued to the TV and i cud hear the girls crying in the room. Suffice to say,
i learnt my lesson...

I trusted her enuf to entrust and leave the girls in her care, but i was
disappointed that even the basics of child care wasn't gao tim...
despite preparations and instructions given by hubs.

[Andaiz]

Like you said, buds jie, we NOW know better! Really gotta close TWO eyes loh! :shock:

[hquek]

From time to time, DH and I will leave DSes under the care of MIL. But then more than not, when we get home a couple of hours later, MIL will be nodding away (counting z’s) on the sofa/floor and DSes left to their own devices.


And DH sometimes get antsy when i tell him I rather not have his mum come over (ie we should just bring the kids whereever we go).

But to her credit - my kids will have their milk and whatever - so long as instructions are left for her.

[Andaiz]

hquek:

From time to time, DH and I will leave DSes under the care of MIL. But then more than not, when we get home a couple of hours later, MIL will be nodding away (counting z's) on the sofa/floor and DSes left to their own devices.


And DH sometimes get antsy when i tell him I rather not have his mum come over (ie we should just bring the kids whereever we go).

But to her credit - my kids will have their milk and whatever - so long as instructions are left for her.

Yeah, it probably is very tiring for them...yet MIL can insinuate to my mum whenever they get on the phone, \"haiyah, they are getting bigger already, so easier to look after!!\"

BTW, just to share, I I scoop the formula, mark the level of water with Masking tape and arrow the TOP of that so that the levels clearly spelt out as well. Still sometimes it doesn't get done! I have to swallow hard and then explain to my poor dears that nai nai must have thought you girls were too full already!

Sigh!

[tree nymph]

Andaiz:

Like you said, buds jie, we NOW know better! Really gotta close TWO eyes loh! :shock:

don't forget the ears too!!!

:roll: :roll:

[tree nymph]

Andaiz:

Yeah, it probably is very tiring for them...yet MIL can insinuate to my mum whenever they get on the phone, \"haiyah, they are getting bigger already, so easier to look after!!\"

BTW, just to share, I I scoop the formula, mark the level of water with Masking tape and arrow the TOP of that so that the levels clearly spelt out as well. Still sometimes it doesn't get done! I have to swallow hard and then explain to my poor dears that nai nai must have thought you girls were too full already!

Sigh!

On the rare occasion when my maid went back for home leave, I have to ask my MIL to look after the baby for a few hours so i can do marketing. I did just what you had done.

I first put in the required cool water in the milk bottle. Then I mark out on the bottle the required full amount, so she just need to top up with HOT water to the mark. After that, I scoop the formula, put it into the container so that she just need to shake it into the bottle. Very simple right? Still,.....

so conclusion, she doesn't want to make milk. So, I don't leave the kids with her without the maid.

[ZacK]

buds:

but all DD1 said after that was, \"So how? Did you and daddy

enjoy yourself with the show? Was it good? Hope you two had a fun day.\"

Your DD1 is sooooo sweet... There is certainly a quality in her to think of others before herself

[winth]

Actually, nowadays, I have learnt to be in harmony with MIL by using other ways to approach her.


As time passes, she kinda realise what type of person or DIL I am so that we won't start crossing each other's paths. She doesn't roll her eyes on me or start gossiping with her sisters within my earshot anymore (or maybe, it's because we have reduced such gatherings that there was actually no such chance ).

She doesn't cook dinner as nice as my mum (DH can vouch for that), but I have learnt to swallow my food and drink the soup that she has broiled to please her. It wasn't easy making DS1 & DS2 eat the food she cooks, but I have learnt from DH to handle such sticky situations in a more amiable way. Just fill the bowl of rice to the minimal, let them eat some 意思意思 to please her, so that it won't seem like they won't finish the food. If they are hungry, just let them have supper to fill their stomaches. I had always forced the rice down their throats cos I was 'afraid' that they would not be full. And it would always make me look like a terrible mother and exaggerate the fact that the dinner was not good. Not only that, it had caused more unease at the dinner table.

There was once, MIL announced a week before that she would be cooking curry on the following Saturday for dinner. It happened so coincidentally that my mum cooked curry on Friday night when we went for dinner. Mum's curry was delicious and we usually have 2 big bowls. The next day, MIL's curry was so disappointingly tasteless that DH could barely finish one. On our way home, he said, 'Luckily your mum cooked curry the night before, if not, I wouldn't even realised I had eaten curry just now.'

The very next weekend, DH told me excitedly that he received news that MIL is cooking western food. I was emotionless and said, 'okay'. There, I just digged in and finished my portion as usual. On the way back, I told DH, 'See, no expectations so that you won't have disappointments, but the canned baked beans was nice.' DH was saying that he had such expectations that night but he just laughed off saying, 'well at least the fries were crunchy'.

Activity after dinner is okay too, cos I would always keep myself occupied with newspapers and entertainment gossips, while they yak away about their family woes. DH seems less stressed up now though the stuff that he hears is still the unhappiness. He told me it's because the children and I are taken away and he has one less thing to worry about.

Other than that, DH allows me to take 'breaks' from SIL by not attending weekly family dinners. So, I kinda found a good balance with my ILs.

not for SIL and her hubby though, her high-pitched voice and vast breath (讲不停) still annoys me. Think I need more years of 'training' with her