Any parents here ever felt pressurized by others?

[LOLMum]

sometimes i will tell dh that i want my next car to be a bmw, a new hermes bag etc. but after a day or two, i will forget about them. all talk and no action.


am lucky to have friends who have $ but maintain a low key, simple lifestyle so there is no \"see i have got a bigger, more expensive set of wheels, bubbles or etc etc\".

but friends did complained (in a joking manner) that i am sending my kids to too few enrichment classes which resulted in their kids asking why they have to do so when we are not. :lol:

as to schools, i believe it is really up to what the parents want.

i rather spend the $ on a good holiday, nice food and good books.

[i3mum]

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

[tamarind]

Funz:

:!: I feel pressurized by Tamarind.


She's FTWM yet is able to coach her kids well in both English and Chinese and yet have time to update her very detailed blog.

Me, I am struggling just to remember when DD will be having her spelling and tingxie. And I myself need help with my chinese, how to coach DD.

Don't mind, Tam, just teasing you.

At times, I do kinda feel inadequate and will wonder if my kids are on par and if I should do more or send them for some additional stuff. But I will take a deep breath and look at my kids, they are not lagging, they are well adjusted, they are generally happy and healthy, what more can I ask for. And a pat on my own shoulder, somewhere amidst all the fumbling and stumbling, I must have done something right. And I will feel okay. Until the next time I read about some kid the same age as my kids can do this and that or some parents is doing this and that and I will ask myself again, am I doing enough?

Every child is different. Some kids can do well without any help, but some kids require special attention in order to do well. So long as parents think that their kids are fine, then there is no need to feel pressurized by others.

[tamarind]

i3mum:

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

Personally, I feel that it is difficult for a 7 year old child to understand why his friends can go to Japan,USA, etc for holidays, but he can only go to Kuala Lumpur. He will feel unhappy, unless he is be very matured, but how many matured kids are there ?

If your child is very matured and knows that there is no point comparing, then it is fine to send to an elite school.

I want my kids to understand that there are rich and poor people in the world. I make it a point to find books about children living in extreme poverty and starvation, and I let my kids read these books so that they don't take what they have for granted.

Other parents may not share the same opinions. So there is really no right or wrong, it is all up to the parents.

[daisyt]

tamarind:

i3mum:

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

Personally, I feel that it is difficult for a 7 year old child to understand why his friends can go to Japan,USA, etc for holidays, but he can only go to Kuala Lumpur. He will feel unhappy, unless he is be very matured, but how many matured kids are there ?

If your child is very matured and knows that there is no point comparing, then it is fine to send to an elite school.

I want my kids to understand that there are rich and poor people in the world. I make it a point to find books about children living in extreme poverty and starvation, and I let my kids read these books so that they don't take what they have for granted.

Other parents may not share the same opinions. So there is really no right or wrong, it is all up to the parents.

I have the same thinking as tamarind.

Sometimes, I feel, its good to let the child has some disappointment. The urge of wanting but cannot afford. The feeling of others are better doing but we are not. Ultimately, its a lesson all have to learn, either young time at schooling or when at work. Its better to learn it early than when out to work, they would do all kinds of things to get what they crave for and want. Its also important to understand \"Life is unfair and things don't come easily\". When we are comparing with the better, our life seems unfair. But when we compare with the worse, who is fairer?

[daisyt]

i3mum:

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

I belongs to that normal doing category and my child was in this school with many rich families. This thought never come to my mind when I decided to put her there. Neither did I realised got such thing until when she was about P3. I overheard two kids comparing what type of cars their fathers had. Actually, everything was fine. A little comparasion here and there are unavoidable, just have to explain and make them understand, every family is different.

[singmathstutor]

i3mum:

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

Personally, I've heard of children in elite schools comparing their branded shoes or parent's cars and ostracizing those who don't belong to this elite group of high income parents. This is really sad.....For me, a good neighbourhood school minus all the snobbishness will do.

[mango]

i3mum:

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

remind me of this relative who got into the top boy sec school but refused to let his hawker father drive him to school in his pickup.

[LOLMum]

i3mum:

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

pressure wise, it all depends on how you yourself feel.

there are quite a good no of rich kids from dd's school. of course some parents are a bit more snobbish but some do make an effort to fit in with the rest of the normal parents like me. they do drive big cars and some have drivers, 2 maids with cute expensive dolls waiting in school but most of these kids are pretty okay with similar interest in \"hannah montanna, twilight, meg cabots, silly girls' crush, cutie stickers\".

when we talk about cars or houses or bubbles or enrichment centres, it is usually about the advantages/disadvantages, who has lobang etc. we dont swing our fingers that have tonnes of bright shiny stones in the air all the time.

if you think pressure is due to the difference in wealth, what about education qualification of the parents? does it mean, if i am not a graduate, imy kids and i should feel ashame or inferior next to a parent who is a graduate?

or putting my kids in a neighbourhood school, make me morel superior to those who are from low income group? yeah, it is the low income group who should feel the pressure being in the same school as my kid...............

better stop now before i go off topic, too many things on my mind wrt this topic.

[MMM]

singmathstutor:

Personally, I've heard of children in elite schools comparing their branded shoes or parent's cars and ostracizing those who don't belong to this elite group of high income parents. This is really sad.....For me, a good neighbourhood school minus all the snobbishness will do.

Reminds me of my primary school days. Being surrounded by classmates who are from well-to-do family who can afford to go to Japan for holidays and come back with new school bags etc... Classmates whose parents are mostly professionals, etc... As a child, I use to hate that and told myself I will never put my kids in my primary school if I am not doing well in life.

I did in the end.... out of convenience. My P3 was recently invited to birthday parties recently. Most stay in landed properties. They do have mates who are \"needy students\" and this is apparent in the class as these kids were given food vouchers. Eg. in the recent party, one of their mates (needy student) went and the presents she gave seems rather odd for a P3 (eg. barney stuff for a P3 girl). So kids do observe and I heard the comment from my P3. Seeing this girl just reminded me of my younger days. Not needy but definitely humble background. It's not easy for a child to be surrounded with friends whose family background are alot better.