Any parents here ever felt pressurized by others?

[LOLMum]

i3mum:

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

pressure wise, it all depends on how you yourself feel.

there are quite a good no of rich kids from dd's school. of course some parents are a bit more snobbish but some do make an effort to fit in with the rest of the normal parents like me. they do drive big cars and some have drivers, 2 maids with cute expensive dolls waiting in school but most of these kids are pretty okay with similar interest in \"hannah montanna, twilight, meg cabots, silly girls' crush, cutie stickers\".

when we talk about cars or houses or bubbles or enrichment centres, it is usually about the advantages/disadvantages, who has lobang etc. we dont swing our fingers that have tonnes of bright shiny stones in the air all the time.

if you think pressure is due to the difference in wealth, what about education qualification of the parents? does it mean, if i am not a graduate, imy kids and i should feel ashame or inferior next to a parent who is a graduate?

or putting my kids in a neighbourhood school, make me morel superior to those who are from low income group? yeah, it is the low income group who should feel the pressure being in the same school as my kid...............

better stop now before i go off topic, too many things on my mind wrt this topic.

[MMM]

singmathstutor:

Personally, I've heard of children in elite schools comparing their branded shoes or parent's cars and ostracizing those who don't belong to this elite group of high income parents. This is really sad.....For me, a good neighbourhood school minus all the snobbishness will do.

Reminds me of my primary school days. Being surrounded by classmates who are from well-to-do family who can afford to go to Japan for holidays and come back with new school bags etc... Classmates whose parents are mostly professionals, etc... As a child, I use to hate that and told myself I will never put my kids in my primary school if I am not doing well in life.

I did in the end.... out of convenience. My P3 was recently invited to birthday parties recently. Most stay in landed properties. They do have mates who are \"needy students\" and this is apparent in the class as these kids were given food vouchers. Eg. in the recent party, one of their mates (needy student) went and the presents she gave seems rather odd for a P3 (eg. barney stuff for a P3 girl). So kids do observe and I heard the comment from my P3. Seeing this girl just reminded me of my younger days. Not needy but definitely humble background. It's not easy for a child to be surrounded with friends whose family background are alot better.

[vicki]

Hellos...


At this point in time, i dont really feel very pressurised. If my son feels it (although i doubt it), i tell him that he's gotto work hard and do better than the other kids' parents hor.

So, in a way, it might 'motivate' him to stardee harder??! :imcool:

[markfch]

I would like to recommend the book '100 inspiring rafflesians'. It lists down 100 movers and shakers of our society. And I can vouch that some of them were poorer than poor during their childhood.


It is definitely a good read, some of these people I must really :salute: . Succeeding with the odds stacked against them so early in life.

[mommyNg]

daisyt:

I belongs to that normal doing category and my child was in this school with many rich families. This thought never come to my mind when I decided to put her there. Neither did I realised got such thing until when she was about P3. I overheard two kids comparing what type of cars their fathers had. Actually, everything was fine. A little comparasion here and there are unavoidable, just have to explain and make them understand, every family is different.

Sama-sama, I come from \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and child in a school with many children from rich families. My DD wears 2nd-hand uniform, shoes bought from market (cheap), pencil box often runs out of pencils, etc. etc. When my sis wanted to buy her a SPI bag (for health-reasons), she said she didn't really want it cos' a lot of kids in school have those, and all the more she didn't want it.... And one of her best friends' parents are provision shop owners (humble background), and another best friend's parents stay in landed property. So far, I didn't hear anything from my DD comparing herself with other children or vice versa leh (maybe still young?) The most related incident probably is when her friends bought some \"stationary\" (e.g. fancy pencils), she also bought the same, but she didn't ask me for money, she used money that she saved from the pocket money I gave her.

I'm sure there will be a group that likes to compare but there is also a group that bo-chap such stuff?

[sleepy]

i3mum:

Just to ask anyone, if you are from a \"normal-doing\" family (stays in HDB flat, doesn't own a car, no maid) and you send your child to a good/elite school where most of the children come from rich families, do you think your child will feel pressurized?


I got a friend who keeps saying that she will not send her children to those elite school & prefers to send them to neighbourhood schools because she doesn't want her children to feel \"pressurized\". And she also commented that her kids will eventually \"sense\" it as they grow older.


What are your views?

I wouldn't send mine to primary schools in prime district for the same reason. No point facing unnecessary pressure so early in life. After they gained confidence, assured of themselves with high self esteem, less susceptible to peer pressure, I would probably not 'discrimate' IP schools in prime district by then

[metz]

markfch:

My qn for this post is this. If you belong to the latter group, do you feel unneccessary pressurized when your peers are telling you they're doing this and that for their kids, and you're not. How do you handle this situation?

By turning a deaf ear to these people. I cannot say I'm totally unaffected by all these sharing (by peers and forums). But it does help me to reflect periodically if my kids need any additional help (benchmarking?). So far, I'm glad to say they are doing very well without these extra classes (except for Chinese) nor see the need to go an extra mile to put them in branded or popular schools. If they are good academically, they will eventually find their ways to schools that will meet their needs. So, no harm hearing or reading what others have to share, but just take them with a pinch of salt (usually I will take a HUGE pinch and discount heavily what others said ) .

Oh btw, most expressed shock when they learned my kids will be starting their school journey in a totally foreign language (zero English or Chinese environment). I supposed the \"pressure\" on me is even greater than ever? :nailbite: But to me, this is a rare opportunity for my kids to experience a different culture. Erm, I mean to stay out of the rat race.

[RRMummy]

mango:

remind me of this relative who got into the top boy sec school but refused to let his hawker father drive him to school in his pickup.

oh dear.. that is sad..

[verykiasu2010]

RRMummy:

mango:

remind me of this relative who got into the top boy sec school but refused to let his hawker father drive him to school in his pickup.

oh dear.. that is sad..

know of this girl, father owns a bicycle shop, so send her to school on bicycle

now the girl also in a top IP school, and the father still fetches her in a van. what so wrong about it ?

be proud of your father !

even Jim Roger sends her daughter to school on a bicycle

[RRMummy]

verykiasu2010:

RRMummy:

[quote=\"mango\"]
remind me of this relative who got into the top boy sec school but refused to let his hawker father drive him to school in his pickup.

oh dear.. that is sad..

know of this girl, father owns a bicycle shop, so send her to school on bicycle

now the girl also in a top IP school, and the father still fetches her in a van. what so wrong about it ?

be proud of your father !

even Jim Roger sends her daughter to school on a bicycle[/quote]I would be super depressed if my children grow up feeling ashamed of me... I would have failed badly in imparting the important values in life