How to teach children to handle bullies

[Tutormummy]

Just would like to share my experience on how I taught my daughter, currently 8 years old to handle her first bully case 4 years ago.


When she was 4 years old in nursery, a girl kept hitting her. Initially I just told her to report it to the teacher, but thereafter the girl simply hit her when the teacher was not around. Finally, I told her to confront the girl directly and told her right in the face that she will hit back if she ever laid a finger on her again. The girl was taken aback by her sudden courage, and guess what, they became best friends.

I guess we have to teach the kids how to stand up for themselves as the teachers and parents cannot be constantly by their side to protect them. The "bully" will usually target the "weaker" kids who do not know how to stand up for themselves.

[cantbearit2]

sashimi:

Yeah lah, of course. But as far as I can tell, statistically and by actual experience, most bullies and troublemakers in school are male. It's a male thing... Hence, my (yes, one-sided) plea.

I second your plea.

My DD had always got bullied in CCC rite up to N2. I still remember during her playgroup years, there was 1 particular boy who always pick on her. She comes back home with bite marks, scratch and bruises on her hand and legs. :heartbroken:

We did feedback to her teacher. Luckily her teacher were pretty fast to catch on. They did explain to us that sometimes that boy is too fast for them to react (which we can understand). They were the ones who told us which boy it is and they have since kept a watchful eye on that boy. The boy's parents were also informed. Of course we did not kick up a big fuss given the boy's tender age.

We were shocked to learn from her teachers that this boy loves to SIT on my DD during nap time too :x (how naughty can boys be, I have a boy too ). Over time, under the teachers watchful eye, these incidents became remote.

By the time DD reaches K1, she became more verbal and made many friends in her CCC. There was no incident of any bullying, just the usual \"I don't friend so and so cos she blah blah blah....\". :lol: Kids will be kids.

So I guess with some \"experience\", they will eventually \"learn\" to handle bullies themselves. Of course, as parents we must always be there to guide them. I have never told DD \"an eye for an eye\" kind of theory (though I would very much love to, :rubhands:). I simply do not believe in taking revenge to resolve bullies issues. I just told her to scream and inform teachers. If possible, avoid close contact with this kid at all times.

I always believe what goes around comes around. Give these young \"bullies\" a second chance, especially if they are very young. Some may juz outgrow them and become Governors (hee....eg. Arnold Schwarzenneger). Through proper guidance and patience from parents (IM sure no parents wish their kid is a bully), these kids may just grow up to be gentlemen. Hope my DS will not grow up to be the one kena complain next time (he is 8 mths old now).

[Eagle-Ladybird]

Oh, you mean you don’t teach your DDs to punch their nose and kick their sheen, or jab their eyes !! . . . . . . hahaha

[Tutormummy]

Frankly, I personally do not like the "an eye for an eye" approach in handling bullies, but as the telling teacher technique didn’t seem to work out, guess we have to try other means. But from that experience, she has learnt to stand up for herself.


My DD had an even better "technique" when she was a newbie in P1. There was this older primary boy who snatched her water bottle and hid it away so that she couldn’t find it. My DD located him during the school assembly, went up to him in front of all the teachers and students and asked him at the top of her voice to give back the water bottle to her. Thereafter, some other P1 girls went up and joined her as the bully had apparently did the same to them too. Needless to say, all the P1 girls got their water bottles back and the bully was reprimanded by the teacher.

[shirley.020816tamzil]

I would always advice my DS1 to tell the bully fiercely and loudly to stay away. We had to rehearse a few times with him on saying stop/go away in his fierce and loud tone as he's not used to talking like that. Note that it may be easy to ask children to tell the bully to stop, but they may not know exactly how to do it. It would be good to do some role play or rehearsal at home so that they know how it's done.


If it doesn't work, report to teacher. If still doesn't work, I gave him permission to push the bully away

So far, this approach has been working fine and he has survived till P3 with no serious bullying case.

[markzh]

i think 1 of the more difficult to manage is verbal bully. This is something we cannot see / catch (if they dun tell us & no physical wounds), and last a lifetime....


Through chatting, i realised that during playtime, DS (K1) was coerced to be a \"security guard\", while his other friends are either kings or leaders. So he has to always protect them through play-fighting. When asked to take turns to change roles, they will threaten to not play with him anymore.

I almost cried when i heard this....maybe i was thinking too much...but i was afraid that he may think that he can only be a security guard when he grows up (no offense to this career choice, but i really hope that he can have a more aspiring career hope), afraid that its affecting his self-esteem. In fact, it happened thru some other ways: his friends (they have older siblings) always are better at everything, like games, cartoons etc. When DS tried to say that he is good at XBox games (some of these are difficult & he is even better than DH), they dismissed him. So he often came back, saying that his friends are sooooo good, and he's not good enough It hurts worse knowing that these are friends he had since nursery, and he often referred to them as his bestest friends for so long....

DH & me are constantly talking to him: make him proud of his little achievements, that not everything his friends say are true (they can swim for long time, do fancy yo-yo stance, have the best animal kaizer cards). We think he has now improved quite well, standing up for himself if he wants to be the \"king\" during the role-play, questioning his friends how they are better than him, even show him if they can really do the yo-yo tricks. If he was isolated, we tried to explain that real friends do not isolate him, he should instead play with others then.

He is now in K2 going P1 next year, its going to be a real challenge. I think its really impt to know his friends, friends' parents, teachers. Also, will need to set time aside to chat casually, try to catch any signs of bullies....

[Tutormummy]

I do agree that "verbal" bullies are more difficult to detect, and I’ve learnt a new way how to handle the situaton from my DD.


She had a "verbal" bully in her class when she was in P1, constanly putting other kids down through verbal abuse. One day, the bully forgot to bring his pencil case and approached my DD to lend him a pencil. Guess what my DD told him. She said that she will only lend him the pencil provided that he promised to be her friend. The bully agreed and he stopped the verbal abuse on my DD from there onwards. Because my DD told him that since he promised to be her friend, they must be good to each other.

This method may not apply to everybody, but self esteem is definitely the passport in reducing the bully cases. And yes, I’m afraid that the kids will be exposed to more bullying cases when they are in P1. We just have to teach them how to stand up for themselves.

[hquek]

Tutormummy:

My DD had an even better \"technique\" when she was a newbie in P1. There was this older primary boy who snatched her water bottle and hid it away so that she couldn't find it. My DD located him during the school assembly, went up to him in front of all the teachers and students and asked him at the top of her voice to give back the water bottle to her. Thereafter, some other P1 girls went up and joined her as the bully had apparently did the same to them too. Needless to say, all the P1 girls got their water bottles back and the bully was reprimanded by the teacher.

:ugogirl: Your girl is really very very good!! Well done!

[cantbearit2]

Eagle-Ladybird:

Oh, you mean you don't teach your DDs to punch their nose and kick their sheen, or jab their eyes !! . . . . . . hahaha

haha....that's wat my DH did. He got v upset when his \"princess\" got bullied. U noe the saying \"daddy's girl\"? It was evident in my DH. :lol:

[cantbearit2]

Tutormummy:

Frankly, I personally do not like the \"an eye for an eye\" approach in handling bullies, but as the telling teacher technique didn't seem to work out, guess we have to try other means. But from that experience, she has learnt to stand up for herself.


My DD had an even better \"technique\" when she was a newbie in P1. There was this older primary boy who snatched her water bottle and hid it away so that she couldn't find it. My DD located him during the school assembly, went up to him in front of all the teachers and students and asked him at the top of her voice to give back the water bottle to her. Thereafter, some other P1 girls went up and joined her as the bully had apparently did the same to them too. Needless to say, all the P1 girls got their water bottles back and the bully was reprimanded by the teacher.

Wow, impressive!!! Your DD did well. :rahrah: