How to teach children to handle bullies

[Tutormummy]

Frankly, I personally do not like the "an eye for an eye" approach in handling bullies, but as the telling teacher technique didn’t seem to work out, guess we have to try other means. But from that experience, she has learnt to stand up for herself.


My DD had an even better "technique" when she was a newbie in P1. There was this older primary boy who snatched her water bottle and hid it away so that she couldn’t find it. My DD located him during the school assembly, went up to him in front of all the teachers and students and asked him at the top of her voice to give back the water bottle to her. Thereafter, some other P1 girls went up and joined her as the bully had apparently did the same to them too. Needless to say, all the P1 girls got their water bottles back and the bully was reprimanded by the teacher.

[shirley.020816tamzil]

I would always advice my DS1 to tell the bully fiercely and loudly to stay away. We had to rehearse a few times with him on saying stop/go away in his fierce and loud tone as he's not used to talking like that. Note that it may be easy to ask children to tell the bully to stop, but they may not know exactly how to do it. It would be good to do some role play or rehearsal at home so that they know how it's done.


If it doesn't work, report to teacher. If still doesn't work, I gave him permission to push the bully away

So far, this approach has been working fine and he has survived till P3 with no serious bullying case.

[markzh]

i think 1 of the more difficult to manage is verbal bully. This is something we cannot see / catch (if they dun tell us & no physical wounds), and last a lifetime....


Through chatting, i realised that during playtime, DS (K1) was coerced to be a \"security guard\", while his other friends are either kings or leaders. So he has to always protect them through play-fighting. When asked to take turns to change roles, they will threaten to not play with him anymore.

I almost cried when i heard this....maybe i was thinking too much...but i was afraid that he may think that he can only be a security guard when he grows up (no offense to this career choice, but i really hope that he can have a more aspiring career hope), afraid that its affecting his self-esteem. In fact, it happened thru some other ways: his friends (they have older siblings) always are better at everything, like games, cartoons etc. When DS tried to say that he is good at XBox games (some of these are difficult & he is even better than DH), they dismissed him. So he often came back, saying that his friends are sooooo good, and he's not good enough It hurts worse knowing that these are friends he had since nursery, and he often referred to them as his bestest friends for so long....

DH & me are constantly talking to him: make him proud of his little achievements, that not everything his friends say are true (they can swim for long time, do fancy yo-yo stance, have the best animal kaizer cards). We think he has now improved quite well, standing up for himself if he wants to be the \"king\" during the role-play, questioning his friends how they are better than him, even show him if they can really do the yo-yo tricks. If he was isolated, we tried to explain that real friends do not isolate him, he should instead play with others then.

He is now in K2 going P1 next year, its going to be a real challenge. I think its really impt to know his friends, friends' parents, teachers. Also, will need to set time aside to chat casually, try to catch any signs of bullies....

[Tutormummy]

I do agree that "verbal" bullies are more difficult to detect, and I’ve learnt a new way how to handle the situaton from my DD.


She had a "verbal" bully in her class when she was in P1, constanly putting other kids down through verbal abuse. One day, the bully forgot to bring his pencil case and approached my DD to lend him a pencil. Guess what my DD told him. She said that she will only lend him the pencil provided that he promised to be her friend. The bully agreed and he stopped the verbal abuse on my DD from there onwards. Because my DD told him that since he promised to be her friend, they must be good to each other.

This method may not apply to everybody, but self esteem is definitely the passport in reducing the bully cases. And yes, I’m afraid that the kids will be exposed to more bullying cases when they are in P1. We just have to teach them how to stand up for themselves.

[hquek]

Tutormummy:

My DD had an even better \"technique\" when she was a newbie in P1. There was this older primary boy who snatched her water bottle and hid it away so that she couldn't find it. My DD located him during the school assembly, went up to him in front of all the teachers and students and asked him at the top of her voice to give back the water bottle to her. Thereafter, some other P1 girls went up and joined her as the bully had apparently did the same to them too. Needless to say, all the P1 girls got their water bottles back and the bully was reprimanded by the teacher.

:ugogirl: Your girl is really very very good!! Well done!

[cantbearit2]

Eagle-Ladybird:

Oh, you mean you don't teach your DDs to punch their nose and kick their sheen, or jab their eyes !! . . . . . . hahaha

haha....that's wat my DH did. He got v upset when his \"princess\" got bullied. U noe the saying \"daddy's girl\"? It was evident in my DH. :lol:

[cantbearit2]

Tutormummy:

Frankly, I personally do not like the \"an eye for an eye\" approach in handling bullies, but as the telling teacher technique didn't seem to work out, guess we have to try other means. But from that experience, she has learnt to stand up for herself.


My DD had an even better \"technique\" when she was a newbie in P1. There was this older primary boy who snatched her water bottle and hid it away so that she couldn't find it. My DD located him during the school assembly, went up to him in front of all the teachers and students and asked him at the top of her voice to give back the water bottle to her. Thereafter, some other P1 girls went up and joined her as the bully had apparently did the same to them too. Needless to say, all the P1 girls got their water bottles back and the bully was reprimanded by the teacher.

Wow, impressive!!! Your DD did well. :rahrah:

[autumnbronze]

Tutormummy:

I do agree that \"verbal\" bullies are more difficult to detect, and I've learnt a new way how to handle the situaton from my DD.


She had a \"verbal\" bully in her class when she was in P1, constanly putting other kids down through verbal abuse. One day, the bully forgot to bring his pencil case and approached my DD to lend him a pencil. Guess what my DD told him. She said that she will only lend him the pencil provided that he promised to be her friend. The bully agreed and he stopped the verbal abuse on my DD from there onwards. Because my DD told him that since he promised to be her friend, they must be good to each other.

This method may not apply to everybody, but self esteem is definitely the passport in reducing the bully cases. And yes, I'm afraid that the kids will be exposed to more bullying cases when they are in P1. We just have to teach them how to stand up for themselves.

Ohhhh, this is really good :salute: :salute:

[Chimmy]

Hi Parents,


My boy has been the target of verbal abuse since he started sec 1 in his dream school. He is sick of the daily taunting and now dreads school. Many books advise ignoring the bully but from experience, this is really not good advice. Anyone has any advice on this or experience to share. I wish for my son to learn to fight his own battle but these bullies are really malicious and persistent. Please advise.

[janet88]

Yes, we have to teach our kids how to handle bullies.


My daughter in P1 told me her friend scratched her. Told her to inform her FT…taught her to learn to stand up for herself as I can’t be in school with her…so she has to learn. Asked her few days ago whether she informed the teacher about it and she told me the FT punished the girl.

Son came home yesterday miserable…refused to tell me what happened. Pressed him for answer and he told me. He was worried I’ll punish him. Told him the same thing as what I told daughter. Hope he will summon up courage to inform his FT about the truth…he was wrongly punished yesterday as the 2 bigger boys twisted the story. Poor thing…why do our kids have to suffer this in school ?