Can someone tell me if 1/2 mark is given in the exam?

Chenonceau and Misulo,


Thank you for replying. It is good to hear from other mums and learning from one another.
It is indeed a challenge raising boys to be tough and yet kind and compassionate; being able to fit in and yet, having the courage to stand up against what is wrong.
Violence only begets violence. It is sad that schools should preach resolving conflict in a civilized way and yet allow a culture that encourages violence. Mums, how do we want to raise our sons? Do we want them to hit back? Is this the only way to prove a boy’s manliness? I have always told my sons to exercise restraint, that all form of violence is not right unless it is in self-defense. I definitely do not want my sons to be in a school that supports a hidden culture of violence.

MisuloSG:

I think the most basic thing parents can do is to teach their children to report to their teachers if they get bullied by other students, and not keep it to themselves. And also to not hang around with kids who have a penchant for beating others up.


Like some posters suggested, self-defense classes sound great too...

Hi,

I wrote earlier about my boy being the target of verbal abuse. Mind you, these attacks were unprovoked and initially I advised him to ignore and move on. Abuse persisted and recently, the bullies involved him in a scuffle which really took my son by surprise. I fear that this might happen again and my boy just might retaliate with physical violence the next time, so I informed the school. The DM handled the case and later addressed the class. He told my son, in front of the class, that he needs to be more resilient. Is that fair? Granted that this is good advice, but must my boy be subjected to further embarassment? Couldn't the DM have given the advice in private if he sincerely wanted to nurture a student? That's not all, the next day, English teacher told the whole class, in the midst of a lesson, that my son should have just laughed off all that verbal abuse that had been bombarded at him!

Now I think twice involving the school authorities. The message they are sending is 'please don't bog us down with these small matters, tell your child not to be a wimp, be resilient'. Schools have disappointed me over and again with the way they handle issues like this... utterly backward methods, never nurturing and often doing more harm than good.

Dear mums, any comments or words of advice... cos I'm really :x

Chenonceau:

Maybe you try this...


1) Find a resource that the other boys really like. Something with cool factor. Something that others can't or won't get from anywhere else at least in the beginning. Use that resource wisely to garner support and good reputation.

2) Talk to your boy EVERYDAY and debrief what went on in school and how to defuse situations. To do this you need to hold your emotions in check. It will be tempting to get angry. Don't. Approach the events of the day coolly and logically. Strategise how to deflect bullying and garner support. I taught my son to avoid and to refrain from retaliating. However, I made sure I was there to provide emotional support everyday. It was a 3 month long ordeal of everyday problemsolving. Debrief every event and help him to deflect. At the same time, you are also providing emotional strength and support. You msu stay close to your son because you don't want him turning to secret societies for protection. YOU must provide the unflagging support.

3) Teach your boy to lie low and await opportunities to strike back. This can be a long wait because you want an opportunity that allows you one HARD strike that puts them outta action completely. With my son, I waited 3 months. The opportunity came when the bully stole a textbook from my son, rubbed away my son's name written in pencil and wrote his own in pen. However, the depressions on the page made by the pencil were still there as evidence. I went to school and threatened to involve the police, saying it was a crime etc... Actually, I was waiting for the bully to punch my son. Your son must lie low because whatever punch comes his way must be COMPLETELY unprovoked. This makes it easier for the authorities to step in and decide who is in the wrong.

4) In secondary school, teachers and parents both have lessened control over social situations. Teachers' interventions won't help. Your son must learn to cope and you need to be there to help him think up creative ways of coping from one event to another. All the time, keep a lookout for the kind of opportunity that will allow you to strike HARD with the full support of the authorities and the law (if necessary). With my son, I kept telling him \"My love... the worst thing that can happen is that you get beaten up. You won't die. And you give Mommy an excuse to go there and put him in a boys' home\". As a result of my big (but still elegant) commotion about theft+school reputation+delinquent+crime+dun put stop to it the boy will turn into worse criminal, the school examined the bully's family background and placed him in mandatory counselling.

I don't believe in getting angry. But when I do, I make it count. I won't be happy with a mild \"stop bullying my son\". I want concrete measures and punishments that WORK!! Bullies are like that. Give them enough rope and they will hang themselves. So you give rope and give rope and give rope... and when the opportunity comes, you pull tight... and when you intervene it is with full force of the school's discipline and counselling structure.

Actually, as a parent, I make sure I do the necessary groundwork with the teachers. I actively build a relationship with the teachers and Heads. I am always positive about the school so when I actually do go to school to complain.... people take me very seriously. Even when I complain, I speak nicely and gently (in tone) but the content of what I suggest is tough. Harsh truths in gentle language commands respect.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for sharing your experience and advice!

snowman.697:

Ignore bullies = deviates bullies' interests from him (bullies want to see the reaction as well) = no more bullying


Talk back to bully = bully gets excited = quarrel = fight = weird things happen = adults intervene = both parties punished.

Talk back to bully = make bully excited = encourage bully to bully more (thats the kind of reaction he wants so that he can 'intimidate' the victim more) = more bullying

This is the advice that many books offer and what experts recommend. However it does not always work. My son has been ignoring all the namecalling but the taunting continued and more boys joined in. He is seen as an easy target. Many mothers say that the victim should shout back and it solved the problem for their kids. Sometimes, situations are not that simple. Teachers tend to just say 'ignore the bully' and 'don't be so sensitive' or that 'boys will be boys'..... While as an adult, we have the maturity to handle such situations, a young child or teen needs more constructive help and teachers and parents need to actively teach kids in their care that such teasing is not okay.

bebebub:

Chimmy:

Hi Parents,


My boy has been the target of verbal abuse since he started sec 1 in his dream school. He is sick of the daily taunting and now dreads school. Many books advise ignoring the bully but from experience, this is really not good advice. Anyone has any advice on this or experience to share. I wish for my son to learn to fight his own battle but these bullies are really malicious and persistent. Please advise.

In most cases, these bullies operate as a group. Since your boy has just started Sec 1, I presume he may not have found his own clique of friends yet. This is afterall, only the 3rd week of the new term. Encourage your boy to make friends, and hopefully, the bullies will stop bothering him when he move around in a group. And hopefully his new friends will also provide him with the necessary emotional support. Good luck.

Thank you for the advice and encouragement.
Yes they are operating in a group and the worst thing is they are his classmates! Not that he has offended them in any way, most of the time they make nasty comments about his looks and always putting him down. He has friends but he still has to face this on his own. I could not stand the injustice and have informed the teacher. Hope she does something constructive. Schools are sometimes hopeless and powerless in dealing with these issues. I only hope my son comes out of this stronger. Appreciate your reply!

Hi Parents,


My boy has been the target of verbal abuse since he started sec 1 in his dream school. He is sick of the daily taunting and now dreads school. Many books advise ignoring the bully but from experience, this is really not good advice. Anyone has any advice on this or experience to share. I wish for my son to learn to fight his own battle but these bullies are really malicious and persistent. Please advise.