Share your experience of first time meeting PILs

[Funz]

markfch:

Funz:

When DH stepped into the house and introduced me to his parents, FIL nodded and continued with whatever he was doing. MIL served tea, to FIL and DH but not me. So I just sat there and waited while DH grabbed whatever he needed. MIL pulled DH to the kitchen and both were talking in low tones, then suddenly DH said lets go. And I said bye to PILs, which got an 'ok bye' from FIL but MIL continued to just whisper to DH like I was invisible. She did not even look at me.


That set the tone of my relationship with my MIL.

That's bad. Very bad. How could your MIL server tea to FIL & DH but not to you? That was the first time you met her, so how could she even have the opportunity to build up any prejudice against you? To ignore someone's existence has got to be one of the rudest things to do :P. So sorry to hear this.

Haha. That was so many years ago. And it did not only happen during the 1st visit, subsequent visits were similar to the 1st. Luckily DH does not like to go home much either once we had our own place. I have learned to accept that that's how it will be between MIL and myself. Actually till 2day, MIL will still talk to everyone around me including my maid but not to me. Until today she keeps telling everyone around her that she is intimidated by me.

Things are cordial between us. I will do my part as a DIL, including letting her stay with us when she is not well. But our relationship will never be close. Anyway, way I see it, better she be intimidated by me (if that is true) then me being intimidated by her.

[MMM]

For the fun of it, thought it might be interesting to share my dh's 1st visit to my parents.


I was in another relationship with a man 12 years my senior, whom I had applied HDB with at that time. It took a long time to get HDB during that era :shock: . I was only 21 then. Dh was my colleague whom I was trying to match make with the single & available ladies in the office. For some reason (err.... fate :? ), we ended up liking each other. It was his 2nd job and fresh out of uni and we were young.

So I was trying to tell the other guy nicely that I would like to break off since I don't want to be caught in those \"stepping on 2 boat\" situation. He treated me well and the \"last thing\" I want to do is to \"hurt him\".

Mum is aware of the happenings and have been silently supportive of whatever I do. She never \"complain\" about my bfs. She just accept them. My 1st bf came to our place alot. It was only after we broke off that she felt that whew.... luckily she is not her son in law. The 2nd was ok but she felt 12 yrs seems abit old but again she kept it to herself. Her belief is that encourage the kid to bring friends home so that she know what kind of friends I mix around with. This is her strategy.

For 1st outing, he brought my parents to Swensens for dinner. He was rather \"slim\"? then which he boast of. Waist around 29 inch. Mum commented that ok decent guy but the finger looked very thin. Everything about him just looked \"small\". But now... he is no longer \"slim\" and the finger though didn't expand rapidly seems alittle fatter now. I suppose it's always easier for mil to \"review\" their son in law. Looking at dh now, mum would say... wow he is really very man now with his build. Cannot imagine how \"thin\" his fingers used to look like... Well.... his waist increase by 1 inch each year since we met. Oops.. we've been married by 11 years but his weight stabilise after awhile. Not 40inch now

[Sun_2010]

Funz:

markfch:

[quote=\"Funz\"]When DH stepped into the house and introduced me to his parents, FIL nodded and continued with whatever he was doing. MIL served tea, to FIL and DH but not me. So I just sat there and waited while DH grabbed whatever he needed. MIL pulled DH to the kitchen and both were talking in low tones, then suddenly DH said lets go. And I said bye to PILs, which got an 'ok bye' from FIL but MIL continued to just whisper to DH like I was invisible. She did not even look at me.


That set the tone of my relationship with my MIL.

That's bad. Very bad. How could your MIL server tea to FIL & DH but not to you? That was the first time you met her, so how could she even have the opportunity to build up any prejudice against you? To ignore someone's existence has got to be one of the rudest things to do :P. So sorry to hear this.

Haha. That was so many years ago. And it did not only happen during the 1st visit, subsequent visits were similar to the 1st. Luckily DH does not like to go home much either once we had our own place. I have learned to accept that that's how it will be between MIL and myself. Actually till 2day, MIL will still talk to everyone around me including my maid but not to me. Until today she keeps telling everyone around her that she is intimidated by me.

Things are cordial between us. I will do my part as a DIL, including letting her stay with us when she is not well. But our relationship will never be close. Anyway, way I see it, better she be intimidated by me (if that is true) then me being intimidated by her.[/quote]Oh oh1 that must have been hard to stomach

But :salute: ur attitude. Acceptance is not ease yet u do it.

My MIL extracts revenge the other way around, she load my plate and when i protest , she says finish it, anyway there is excess food and it will be left over otherwise
Am I the eco friendly dustbin??? Sigh! :stupid:

[Funz]

Sun_2010, I'm a pragmatist. I am not going to lose sleep over matters like that. She is not going to change, and if I want to make an issue out of it, the only one who will be unhappy will be myself and the person caught in between will be DH. So, just work around it loh. Also cos DH is not close with his family so impact not so great.


DH 1st meeting with my family.

DH and I were co-workers so my parents have seen him before during a few of our gatherings, during x'mas, CNY and my granma's funeral. We were not dating each other then. Both of us were otherwise involved. Even during that time my parents commented that he looks like the Hkg actor, Wang Xi. I cannot see the resemblance though, well, maybe the beady eyes.

It was much later that somehow, dunno how, we kinda felt some sparks. I guess when I formally introduced him as my boyfriend, my parents heaved a huge sigh of relief. I think they were resigned to me either being a spinster or coming home one day with some rojak race guy telling them we are already married. 'This one, too independant', my Dad will comment, while shaking his head, 'scare all the guys away', he will sigh. So when they see this fella who cannot look anymore chinese, they literally welcome him with open arms.

DH on the other hand was pretty worried, cos mum is peranakan and dad is Teochew. He has heard how domineering a Nonya can be and how snobbish a teochew can be. But what he got was culinary heaven. Like MMM's DH, his waistline started expanding. And he blame me and my mum not only for his spare tyre but for killing his enjoyment of coffeeshop grade laksa, prawn noodles, Otak, etc. Nothing can compare to my mum's version. :love:

[sleepy]

Funz:

MIL continued to just whisper to DH like I was invisible. She did not even look at me.


That set the tone of my relationship with my MIL.

Gosh, you are so brave! If the same situation happened to me, I would have strike dh off immediately. If my parents objected strongly to my relationship, I would have given up too. Difficult relationships simply scare me off. I need blessings from immediate family members.


Off topic. My relationship with MIL wasn't all smooth afterall. The trigger was I left my job to be SAHM. She felt extremely bitter that I 'snatched' her granddaughter away from her since I would be taking care of dd full time & she also felt slight injustice that I didn't share her son's burden in bringing home the bacon. She insisted I should return to work！

Got to endure nasty criticism & sarcastic remarks whenever I brought dd for visiting. Yes, I continued to visit her every week :stupid: Relationship only soured after dh and I were married so I couldn't strike him off that easily then and she's afterall his mum, 忍一时风平浪静

Fortunately, every cloud has a silver lining. A couple of years later, when more grandchildren arrived, she was too busy babysitting them to continue hating me

[markfch]

sleepy:

Off topic. My relationship with MIL wasn't all smooth afterall. The trigger was I left my job to be SAHM. She felt extremely bitter that I 'snatched' her granddaughter away from her since I would be taking care of dd full time & she also felt slight injustice that I didn't share her son's burden in bringing home the bacon. She insisted I should return to work！

I think PILs must learn to let go once their children got married. They must understand and accept that once married, the children's spouse should ideally be the most impt person in their children's life. Definitely not an easy thing to do, I know. I hope that when my turn comes, I can do what I preached.

[MMM]

Actually in my \"fil scrutnising case\", I heard from bil subsequently that fil initally objected to our relationship because :

* I am not a graduate and he firmly subscribe to LKY's notion that a graduate must marry a graduate
* My teeth is not straight

There was a point I wanted to \"give up\" in the initial part of our relationship though I didn't know about these objections until we were married. :roll: Bil casually mentioned that to me during one of our outing.

In any case, I went on to do my degrees subsequently, also wore braces and got my crooked teeth straightened just before the wedding. Actually, alot of these were not done because of him. It just happened. Over the years, I think I've \"proven\" my value to my fil and our relationship is ok given that we stay under 1 roof.

Just a funny incident to share. The 1st time my youngest bil came to visit my pils. It was a little awkward and \"our 1st experience\" (haha as though we are there to scrutinise him too). My hubby trying to be friendly suggested watching \"Meet the parents\". I was like :!: imagine how nervous he must be still suggest that kind of show in moment like this. Both of us went to our bedroom and had a good laugh.

[DesertWind]

markfch:

What about your experience? Generalizing a bit here, but I can imagine that meeting rich PILs can be a very stressful experience.

Hi markfch-kor,
I was about to reply to your post when I re-read your question and suddenly noticed \"RICH PILs\". :?
Urh...oh....why only rich PILs leh?
Cannot reply you liow!
How rich is rich?

[DesertWind]

Funz:

MIL served tea, to FIL and DH but not me.

Hi Funz,

You have me for company. My MIL also will serve tea to my FIL & hubby but tells me to help myself. I can just hear her thoughts which must go something like this \"You are the DIL, don't tell me your MIL must serve you. You can go help yourself and by-the-way, you are actually suppose to be helping me serve the men.\"

[markfch]

DesertWind:

markfch:

What about your experience? Generalizing a bit here, but I can imagine that meeting rich PILs can be a very stressful experience.

Hi markfch-kor,
I was about to reply to your post when I re-read your question and suddenly noticed \"RICH PILs\". :?
Urh...oh....why only rich PILs leh?
Cannot reply you liow!
How rich is rich?

Sorry DesertWind, pls share your experience too. I guessed I watched too many HK tv serials liao. The rich relatiives are always hard to get along with in those shows.