Mutilating self when stressed out
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ksi:
This is such a comprehensive list.Where to get help?
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)
A non-profit, non-religious organisation that provides emotional support to those who are in despair or distressed.
Contact: 1800-221-4444, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Youthline
Run by Youth Challenge, a non-governmental organisation that champions youth causes.
Contact: 6336-3434, Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm.
Touchline
Run by Touch Community Services, a non-profit charitable organisation.
Contact: 1800-377-2252, Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm.
Teen Challenge
A voluntary welfare organisation that provides faith-based and community-based programmes and services.
Contact: 1800-829-2222, Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm.
Pregnancy Crisis Service
Run by the Family Life Society, a non-profit counselling and educational organisation. Unwed teenagers who face unplanned, unwanted pregnancies can call for help.
Contact: 6339-9770, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Tinkle Friend
Run by the Singapore Children's Society. For those aged 12 and below.
Contact: 1800-274-4788, Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 11.30am, and 2.30pm to 5pm.
Audible Hearts
An online service run by the Health Promotion Board. Troubled youths who are too shy to talk over the phone can pour out their woes via e-mail to trained youth volunteers.
Website: audiblehearts.yah.sg
http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20090825-163340.html
Maybe this post should be posted under Health as a separate topic ??
Hellooo...Mods/Monitors,
err dont know the protocol but do look in here
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Thanks so much for your concern and feedback! The next time I meet up w my friend, I will advise her on what to do (using info from all of you mommies and daddies of course
). I hope her daughter will get better soon! Thanks again!
Ellen -
[Editor's note: Topic selected & edited for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/teens-who-cut-and-mutilate-themselves.]Thank schweppes for the recommendation!
Ohhhh, rest assured there are definitely underlying issues when someone goes around cutting/mutilating themselves. I used to teach in an all-girls' school. These were my personal observations and experiences:
1. If they were cutting themselves in areas where the scars can be seen for eg on the wrists or palms, then its highly probable that they want to be 'caught' cuz its a way for them to cry out for attention for their suffering.
2. Then there are others who will mutilate their upper arms or their chests where the scars won't be that visible. Most of them use a razor. They usually start off by experimenting and depending on their threshhold of pain initially, it might start of with a superficial cut and as they become bolder, the cuts increase in number and depth.
3. When questioned, one of them admitted that she could not voice out her feelings of distress, hence cutting was a way of expression. As weird as it sounds, the pain from cutting kind of 'compensates' from the emotional pain they are feeling inside.
4. Many of them, ironically, came from middle-class to well-to-do background. Unfortunately, not having a close relationship with their parents allowed this 'activity' to go undetected. I cite the case of a girl who lived in a double story landed property. Her father was a pilot who was away most of the time and her mother worked long hours. Her parents were also having problems in their marriage. This girl constantly sought solace in her room on the 2nd floor and resorted to such an act to find some sense of 'release.' Then, there was a foreign student who lived on her own and had relationship problems, which culminated in her cutting herself as she became depressed after it ended.
5. In so far in the years that I have taught, I don't recall any of them admitting that it was a trend. But then again, as mentioned, these are my own personal experiences and observations.
So parents with teen or tween daughters (I cannot speak for the boys as I have not come across any), because this is the age where hormones are working overtime, there'll be some form of angst, rebellion, being overtly emotional about issues etc...that will be evident from them. Do not dismiss this as some form of negative behaviour too quickly. Observe and listen. Most of the time, they might be throwing hints (may be deliberate too) that something is bothering them. It could be anything - a failed relationship, an unrequited crush, a fight with the best friend, not doing well in school, being constantly compared in school or at home, neglect by parents, affected by parents' estranged relationship, not adapting well to the school's culture, not able to make friends, being bullied etc... One example, though not related to mutilating, but the girl was having problems with her parents - she handed up a blank piece of paper with this statement \"Why should I waste my f****** time writing a composition, I have better things to do.\" Though shocked and angered, I deliberately did not report her but rather, took the time to seek her out after school and had a long chat with her. Turned out that she had some issues with her parents and she was taking it out in her EL class. Hence, the importance of not writing off negative behaviour.
How can this situation be resolved?? One thing is for sure - the act of mutilating oneself will not 'disappear' overnight. Its something like a 'disorder'. One fundamental advice - communication lines have to be OPEN. As parents, we have to sieve out nuances from them via verbal and behavourable analysis. They have to be approached neutrally, even though we may not be able to digest/accept what they are doing/may have done, because it is very shocking. And yes, if necessary, external help should be sought. Even then, they have to be monitered for some time to ensure that they would not return to their 'old habit.' In fact, in such situations, it is imperative that the school (esp the teachers) and the parents complement each other in trying to resolve this.
As a teacher, depending on my relationship with the girls, I would approach them or if I am aware that they are close to another teacher, I would request for help. Only after trying to weed out from them that they are engaged in such an activity, then I would contact their parents and then with their permission, engage the school counsellor. Sometimes, the girls would NOT want their parents to be informed (because of issues they have at home). This is the tricky part, because the parents have the right to know. I would inform the parents, but then request that they trust in us and let us help their child while they will be updated regularly. When such a situation arises, we will also then make a conscious effort to convince the girl that her parents have to know as they (the parents) want to help too.
Gosh, this topic has unleashed a flood of memories from my teaching days .... -
good sharing autumnbronze! :celebrate:
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:goodpost:
Excellent sharing Autumnbronze. This is so helpful to know.
Thanks. -
Actually this reminds me of an encounter some years back. I was on a bus somewhere near NUS. A girl boarded the bus and I think she was an NUS undergrad from the file she was carrying.
Very pretty and pleasant looking girl. She stood near me. And that’s when I saw it. Her arm had a scar that clearly spelled "Help Me" and another "SOS".
She caught me staring at her and even smiled at me. At that moment, I felt so sorry for her. It’s like I want to help her but don’t know how. Shortly after, she alighted.
Till to this day, I have often wondered about this girl. Hope she has found some peace and happiness in her life. -
Sun_2010:
This is such a comprehensive list.
Maybe this post should be posted under Health as a separate topic ??
Hellooo...Mods/Monitors,
err dont know the protocol but do look in here
Good idea!
Done!
:celebrate: -
My friends’ marriage was on the rocks. They could not stop fighting at home. They decided to divorce because their daughter reacted with extensive self-mutilation. The girl said she did it because feeling the pain of the cuts helped her forget the pain in her heart.
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This is obviously distressing. Clearly the child does not know how to manage her emotions and expressing them in maladaptive ways. First, speak to the child to find out the problems, usually the initial few probs may be superficial ones, probe further and you might find underlying causes. Life skills must be taught explicitly, these youngsters don’t have the experience to cope with the obstacles in their lives and hence they need us.
Before sending them off to the counsellor, get the child to consent to it first and explain to her why she needs to seek professional help but always be there for her and keep guiding & teaching those life skills. I often use Chicken Soup/Readers Digest articles about youths/children facing seemingly insurmontable situations to challenge my children to think of what they would do in similar scenarios. Exposing children to a variety of such situations can help them process and reflect about their own strengths and coping skills. -
I read this somewhere that they cut/self mutilated themselves because, seeing red liquid out of their vein provides a sense of "real life living" and releasing their frustrations out of them. As soon as they see the blood flowing out, they will be at their own peace and well, stop the bleeding themselves.
So whenever, they feel frustrated or what, they will slash themselves over and over again. Personally, I work with teenagers, especially, in their late teens and early twenties. I have personally interviewed them before and these are the reasons why they re-slash themselves during their "darkest moments"
Some are due to relationship problems, some due to stress, some due to family problems.
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