In-law problems?

[RRMummy]

buds:

It would not have been so bad had hubs only observed beyond what

he sees... listened with his heart... believed me for who i represent &
not some evil daughter in law who was out to malign his parents all
the time. To believe me for what i was worth... for what our marriage
was worth... Guess i wasn't worth that much.

It has been a trying and sad journey for me. While i'm reali hoping to
finally see the light at the end of my seemingly long tunnel, i am
scared at the same time at the possibility the unknown will bring.

dear dear buds, you are worrying with your past-tenses... :scared:

please do not lose hope and do not lose faith.. you are worth a lot to us, to your gals, to your parents and during those times he was online, I could tell very very much so to your hubs too.. the pressure from his parents must be really making him not think straight..

hang in there darling. I'm sure the Almighty will carry you through this in time to come...

Tomorrow

Clouds fill the sky;
Your life darkens and the world disappears;
Everything becomes totally meaningless.
- But, as with time, the clouds will pass and
reveal the sun which was there all the time.

As you look into the sunlight, your face
shines again whilst your shadow appears behind you.
The future beckons as you hold out a
nervous and shaking hand.
One step at a time
- One day at a time
Slowly but surely your strength will grow
and slowly but surely life will grow.

There was a time when every day seemed like yesterday
But there will come a time when today greets tomorrow;
When your mirror becomes a window;
It is then that you will see your future
and not reflect on the past.

Have Faith, have Courage and have Hope
for you will survive.

Derek Dobson 2005.

[buds]

RRMummy:

i pray that he will come to his senses soon of the potential damage the strain will cause..

The damage has already been done RRMummy... Lotsa damage to
be honest with you. I couldn't take it anymore really... I had to take a
reprieve away from him to think and reflect on how much i really wanna
fight for what we HAD. He almost lost us three... Like i said before this
is the final opportunity for him already. I will not give him anymore. I
specifically told him that. If he is serious and genuine about being with
us and ensuring our happiness, he WILL this time go all out even if it's
out of his way to make sure we are happy and that he WILL keep his end
of his promises.

RRMummy:

i pray that he will have the courage to stand up for you and your children...

This is very important to me, RRMummy. All this time all he ever stood
up for was his family... especially his mom. I don't deny she has done
a lot for him and his siblings but she has destroyed my marriage and
my respect for her.

RRMummy:

: i pray that you have enough strength and energy to endure this a little more longer...

Honestly, i don't have much anymore... that's why i shared that i am now
pitting all i have left to give him this final chance and all i have is enuf
for that.

RRMummy:

: I pray that you will come out of this 'game' thriumphant.

Triumphant is a BIG word in my situation. I wouldn't mind a small
consolation reali. I can be thankful for life's little things if only it ever
does come my way.

RRMummy:

:Do take good care dear.. :snuggles:

I will try my best. :snuggles:

RRMummy:

:p/s. You've got PM..

Received with thanks and lotsa love.. thank you, my dearest friend. :hugs:

[tree nymph]

Buds,

really very hard…

For buds_hub too I guess… he can’t possibly throw his parents out to the streets as well. In cases like this, it will be wonderful if one has money… though money is root of all evil, it can also solve lots of problems too.

I really hope that he will be able to make a sound and workable arrangement, so that all of you will be happy!

[buds]

janet_lee88:

buds:

Mine wud rather i endure the conflicts & ensure they got a space to stay... even when it meant a very emotionally straining relationship. Hubs never believes me when i'm sad things happen.. I'm tired.. just really worn out... exhausted... all i want is for us to live our own lives.

I understand how you feel. A marriage can break down when the old ones cause conflict and hubby doesn't know bcos all he sees is the angelic & demure side. Living with husband and kids can be so blissful, of course with ups and downs, and the last thing any woman wants is conflict. I hate it most when the old one comes into the picture and creates unhappiness between the couple, which happened during the early years of my marriage. We will always quarrel after a visit.

Yes, janet_lee88... you are so right. Tks for being able to be in my shoes.
I am really not an unreasonable person. My unhappiness with ILs esp
MIL had begun since Day 1 after we came back from our honeymoon..
She started to scare me with her true colours which i kept to myself for
sometime and made me cry many nights to sleep. When i actually had
the courage to bring it up to hubs, he reprimanded me and said never
say anything like that abt his mom... that his mom IS his #1.

So of course when he double checked anything i brought up to him with
his mom, she twists the facts around and never failed to make me seem
like the tale-bearer and nasty DIL. She also had a hand in influencing
him that i must be taken in hand or else i'd climb over his head. She
maintained a man must make his presence known in the household.
All the equality thing is pure crap. Once married, the wife is place is
never above the husband. He just dismisses everything as the old folks
are like that... they just say only but never mean it wan.. so don't be so
petty and take every little thing to heart. Let it go already..

But, each time i managed to let something go... something new will
come along.

[tree nymph]

markfch:

Your post got me thinking. There're some forumers here with outstanding traits that I admire. How I wish ds can have the following combination of attributes:

a) chief's analytical skills
b) automnbronze's poetry talent
c) ksi's EQ
d) schewepes's story telling skills
e) verykiasu2010's suaning talent
f) Way2Go's humour
g) buds's patience
h) Blobbi's piano & english power
i) 3Boys's debating skills
j) Tamarind's chinese power

Perfect 10! Hope I'm not too greedy hor .

Wah if ds really can have the combination of talents above, then all the top sch's principals will come knocking at my door and I'll ask them why I should let ds join their schs, instead of the other way round :lol:

I think need to add one more attribute like obedience or upright... else...

[buds]

tree nymph:

Buds,

really very hard...

For buds_hub too I guess... he can't possibly throw his parents out to the streets as well. In cases like this, it will be wonderful if one has money... though money is root of all evil, it can also solve lots of problems too.

I really hope that he will be able to make a sound and workable arrangement, so that all of you will be happy!

Yes, tree nymph. Really very hard. Very very very hard. Money will solve
a lotta things in this case. So now you see why i say damned if i do and
damned if i don't? It is likewise for him. But it cannot always be me who
is doing the sacrificial act and yet still be seen and taken as the unfilial
evil one right? That i'm the non-understanding and insensitive wife who
doesn't try to understand his endless family troubles? I'm always on the
giving end and frankly i don't see that it has done me anything good,
not that i am asking for any returns... but i don't expect to be treated
shabbily either right? It has been on my expense all this time. He
never stood up for me. Even when he knew i was right...

I suppose saying his wife is right to his mom's face is like an unforgivable
sin.

They do not like staying with BIL as an option cos they cannot get along
with him cordially like we do despite our issues. SIL can't even stand them
at all! She shows her displeasure directly too! MIL had many times told
me she cannot imagine living with SIL cos that woman is impossible to
live with. She'd rather live with us... :roll: And yet she can't even give
me basic courtesy and respect and still have the gall to create so many
problems for me and hubs. It's beyond my understanding reali when it
comes to her. She's one hypocritical person... but only i get to see that.
That's the hard part. She doesn't show it to hubs.

[hapydino]

Buds,


ur MIL oso v cartoon… dun wan to stay and cannot imagine staying with the other SIL and yet made hell for u!!!

she herself must have known she 吃定 you already…

i got this nagging feeling that your HB might give in… yes, it will be YOUR home and his home (but the IL coming along)… i hope i am wrong!!

cuz doesn’t make sense to go thru all the trouble of selling, house searching, moving out to bring along both IL… esp with the new baby, where got space!!

[buds]

Sun_2010:

buds I sincerely hope that things go ur way.


The price of being good...
Sometimes its time to put ur foot down - it can be very emotinally draining to live with someone under the same roof when the relationship is very strained.

It wouldn't have been so bad had hubs been more ti liang of my state..
but i also cannot blame him entirely because he never got to see the
side of his mom that i unfortunately saw.

She's almost a different person when in his presence.

Yes, it has been emotionally draining me of my youth really and for the
life of me, i honestly cannot withstand more strain that i already have
gone through. I might just hafta throw in the towel as a last resort.
It will really sadden me if it came to that... despite his shortcomings
he has many commendable traits. You guys have known me long enuf
here... have i ever really a bad thing to say about him?

I hated it each time hubs personally attacks my character and each time
he fumes up into an argument cause he cannot believe what is coming
from my mouth when something nasty happens in the house.. to a point
i even gave up telling, so i kept everything to myself... till today. Even
the day of our move was horrible. But i endured her black face cos i
prayed that was the last time i will see of it.

Sun_2010:

Guess u r really down. so far the posts i have read of urs are all oozing with enthusiam , give really useful advice, a pat o someones back...

So here is something to cheer u up , laugh even if u heard it b4

God couldnt be everywhere so he made mothers. :love:
Devil couldnt be everywhere so he made MILs

I have been really really down... with baby scares and trouble and with
non-affirmative living arrangements for ILs... with BIL trying to wiggle
his way out of asserting some responsibilities as another son; always
saying he wants to prevent any misunderstandings and unnecessary
friction between his wife and his parents and all that crap... i have
just been keeping to myself as not to stress hubs further than he
already is.

Btw, i love the cheer-up gesture. :celebrate:

Hilarious! :rotflmao:

[buds]

hapydino:

Buds, ur MIL oso v cartoon.. dun wan to stay and cannot imagine staying with the other SIL and yet made hell for u?!?!

I cannot believe it either when she said it to my face... :whut:
The crappy part is she would make it a point to please BIL and SIL
when we visit them (go over their plc) or when they come over to visit
us. I suppose since she hardly gets to see the children from BIL/SIL..
she makes extra effort to pretend. My SIL knows and cannot be bothered.

hapydino:

she herself must have known she 吃定 you already..

i got this nagging feeling that your HB might give in.. yes, it will be YOUR home and his home (but the IL coming along).. i hope i am wrong!!

I hope i'm wrong too... but like you i have the same naggin & biting
feeling these past few weeks already. Aniwaes, I'm still keeping my
fingers crossed till the eventual crunch time.

hapydino:

cuz doesn't make sense to go thru all the trouble of selling, house searching, moving out to bring along both IL.. esp with the new baby, where got space!!

Yes. A real waste of time.

[tree nymph]

Buds,

you are really caught!

do you think things may change (even if you are staying together again, but this time, its YOUR HOUSE) if buds hub put his feet down and talk to his parents that YOU and ONLY YOU ARE THE MISTRESS OF THE HOUSE and YOU WILL HAVE THE FINAL SAY in EVERY THING AND ANY THING?

I think you also need to sit buds hub down and talk to him about this. like you say, damn if you are and damn if you are not… so why not charge at the problem, and make buds hub see your pointS and get his parents to sit down with him and you too that YOU ARE NOW IN CHARGE? that your PIL ARE NOT TO RUIN YOUR LIFE if they were to stay with you again?