Anyone accused of being a good father but lousy husband?

[Angelight]

Hi Markfch,


Perhaps you do not know your wifey's love language. Everyone of us has one or two primary love languages and a 'love tank' that needs to be filled up. But if we do not know our spouse's love language, we will not be able to fill up their love tank, thus leading to dissatisfaction and complaints in our marriage.

I just posted \"What is Your Love Language?\" in my blog. Maybe you could have a read and see which 'love language' applies to your wife and which to you. Then you both can work towards a more satisfying marriage.

markfch:

DW ever mentioned to me that she rated me an 'A' as a father but 'C-' as a husband. Everything I do, I do it for ds. Occasionally my conscious will prick me and that's when I'll try to do something for dw.

Recently I bought a $2k branded bag for dw and I felt the pinch, though I tried not to show it. But I'm sure if I were do the same for ds, I would feel very very happy. I'm not sure if it's a hainanese thing cos my father is also like that.

Anyone else is guilty of the same sin?

[markfch]

Angelight:

Hi Markfch,


Perhaps you do not know your wifey's love language. Everyone of us has one or two primary love languages and a 'love tank' that needs to be filled up. But if we do not know our spouse's love language, we will not be able to fill up their love tank, thus leading to dissatisfaction and complaints in our marriage.

I just posted \"What is Your Love Language?\" in my blog. Maybe you could have a read and see which 'love language' applies to your wife and which to you. Then you both can work towards a more satisfying marriage.

Thanks angelight. Just read your blog, very interesting. Btw, I'm not complaining at all. I think when we settle down with someone, the most impt criterion is that we are comfortable with the person we're settling down with. And I am extremely comfortable having dw alongside me.

For me, I guess I expect affection in the form of a nice hot cup of coffee daily (service). And I show affection by buying gifts (material).

[Angelight]

Good for you, Markfch, now that you realise what your love language is.


Get your wife to determine her primary love language as well (it could be 1 or 2) and both of you can start applying it in your marriage, like me and DH.

[Eagle-Ladybird]

Angelight:

Get your wife to determine her primary love language as well (it could be 1 or 2) and both of you can start applying it in your marriage, like me and DH.

This is a mistake :stupid: I asked last night, and she replied \"what ?! After all these years, and yuo don't know my love language ?? :x \" . . . actually I don't even know what is \"love language\" let alone hers

[Angelight]

Eagle-Ladybird:

Angelight:

Get your wife to determine her primary love language as well (it could be 1 or 2) and both of you can start applying it in your marriage, like me and DH.

This is a mistake :stupid: I asked last night, and she replied \"what ?! After all these years, and yuo don't know my love language ?? :x \" . . . actually I don't even know what is \"love language\" let alone hers

Sorry to hear that...maybe you can get the book by Gary Chapman and you and your wife can read together? Hope that helps.

[3Boys]

Eagle-Ladybird:

Angelight:

Get your wife to determine her primary love language as well (it could be 1 or 2) and both of you can start applying it in your marriage, like me and DH.

This is a mistake :stupid: I asked last night, and she replied \"what ?! After all these years, and yuo don't know my love language ?? :x \" . . . actually I don't even know what is \"love language\" let alone hers

Takes a bit of work and don't feel discouraged by an initial rebuff. It took a bit of prodding from myself over a period of time before my DW opened up, she was initially a little suspicious as to whether I was trying to get something from her.....

[joylly]

any shanghainese hubby around ?


my hubby singaporean but dialect shanghainese.

he he he

[tech_wizard]

I think we are in the same suitation, so far I have bought her 1 Rolex, 2 LV and 1 Gucci. Was thinking of Prada next.

markfch:

DW ever mentioned to me that she rated me an 'A' as a father but 'C-' as a husband. Everything I do, I do it for ds. Occasionally my conscious will prick me and that's when I'll try to do something for dw.

Recently I bought a $2k branded bag for dw and I felt the pinch, though I tried not to show it. But I'm sure if I were do the same for ds, I would feel very very happy. I'm not sure if it's a hainanese thing cos my father is also like that.

Anyone else is guilty of the same sin?

[SBKS]

markfch:

buds:

From the above sharing, what i can deduce is that being a nice chap your
self, i'm sure the genes generated from having nice parents as well.

Fortunately I get mostly my mum's genes I guess. Get what I'm saying :evil:

buds:

Hokay... now for my consideration. :idea:
I can be convinced you'd make a fabulous FIL, hands-on,
understanding, loving, funny, (etc)... but your wifey... how
do you think you'd see her as future MIL? Would she prefer
a working DIL instead of a SAHM since she's career oriented?

What if my DD2 wants to be SAHM to take care of your DS and
their family? :lol:

Now we are talking business, buds :lol:

Both dw & I seem to have the same concept about the roles of son & dil. You see, it doesn't matter whether we agree or disagree with what views our future dil holds. We've this framework which spells out clearly that once ds marries, for better or worse he belongs totally to his dw. Once married, to ds his dw should come first. Otherwise something is wrong.

Because we already have this mindset, I believe we will try our best not to intrude into the lives of ds & dil. And for the sacrifices that we are making now, we really don't expect anything in return. Even financially, we plan for our own retirement nest independent of future support from ds. You can't expect one person to comfortably support 2 old folks in s'pore.

I think personally the most difficult barrier for me to overcome is in the upbringing of grandkids. I've a certain high expectation of ds. So I may inadvertently misplace the same expectation on grandkids. So I must paste this sticker big big in my bedroom \"My grandchild is not my child, therefore that's my son's responsibility, not mine\" so that I don't become unneccessarily intrusive. :oops:

Talk until so nice hor. Don't know whether when the litmus test comes, can fulfil what I preached or not? But at least the basic idea is there.

I couldnt agree more with you...i have the same thinking.....