parenting style

[Blobbi]

Very interesting topic!


For me, I also want my kid to have a happy, memorable childhood. But I don't think it means no effort or no stress. My take is, people feel happy when they find a connection with what they're doing, and they feel happiest when they've achieved something. So I really try hard to connect my son to learning. His reward is from satisfying his own curiosity. I've found out that, at least in my son's case, a little praise can go a long way, so I have to be sparse in this area. I used to give him rewards, but oddly enough, it takes away from the satisfaction he gets from his own effort.

Easy to say, very difficult to do! I cant foist what he dislikes on him; that doesn't seem fair. But i sure can encourage what he likes to do in the first place. It may seem frivolous, but we've built a lot of paper aeroplanes to figure out what flies best and why. He'll also appreciate when he's older that I've stepped in to place limits on activities that (this one definitely is a judgment call) have less merit.

DS btw is not a I'll-do-as-you-say kid. Quite the opposite. I find it very challenging, sometimes outright taxing, but also very refreshing, especially as he gets older. What i'm trying to say is, he isn't nor did he start out as the perfect kid (just my perfect kid ;)), and I've definitely worked hard to shape our home environment to be conducive to learning. I tell him- I'm the parent, I have more life experience, so I know what's best for him in the long run. And for the first time, he can't argue against that!

Koalamummy, if you feel strongly about it, it's not too late to change the situation. It does take (a lot of ) time and resolve. Maybe the trick is to look a little further down the road and ask yourself if you like what you see.

All the best!

[duriz]

BlurBee:

4.走开,能不能让我安静一会儿会使他们觉得自己是多余的人,产生无以名状的孤独感.倘若你的确想独自呆一会儿,可以耐心向孩子解释:我很乐意与你在一起,只不过现在太忙,请原谅.

10.你滚吧,想去哪里去哪里最后通牒式的话让孩子没法应对,
他虽然不想离家出走,但更不想就此低头.任性的孩子可能会逞一回英雄真的离家出走了.

:goodpost: Blurbee
Words never to be spoken to our children.
And twelve tips to live by.

Thank you for sharing.

[duriz]

KoalaMummy,


I hope your little computer whiz find his calling in life.
And you will be the guiding light that leads him to it.
He is very young and you have the ability to steer him towards the positive, as you see fit.
No fret.
Remember how we were when we were young?
No doubt, terribly incorrigible (sometimes) in our Moms' eyes.
But they never gave up and tried and tried.
Did we all become doctors and lawyers and millionaires?
Perhaps some of us but the bulk of us only hope to do good by our loved ones, live as meaningful a life as possible and contribute to the community the best we can.

Add oil buddy!

:hugs:

[Blobbi]

duriz:

KoalaMummy,


I hope your little computer whiz find his calling in life.
And you will be the guiding light that leads him to it.
He is very young and you have the ability to steer him towards the positive, as you see fit.
No fret.
Remember how we were when we were young?
No doubt, terribly incorrigible (sometimes) in our Moms' eyes.
But they never gave up and tried and tried.
Did we all become doctors and lawyers and millionaires?
Perhaps some of us but the bulk of us only hope to do good by our loved ones, live as meaningful a life as possible and contribute to the community the best we can.

Add oil buddy!

:hugs:

:goodpost: !!!

Duriz, you're the woman! I wanted to write something like this, but came out like uh, that. Completely agree with you!!! I hear you on this!

[duriz]

Blobbi:

DS btw is not a I'll-do-as-you-say kid. Quite the opposite. I find it very challenging, sometimes outright taxing, but also very refreshing, especially as he gets older. What i'm trying to say is, he isn't nor did he start out as the perfect kid (just my perfect kid ;)), and I've definitely worked hard to shape our home environment to be conducive to learning. I tell him- I'm the parent, I have more life experience, so I know what's best for him in the long run. And for the first time, he can't argue against that!

Thank you Blobbi but I'm humbled by reading about everyone's experiences.
From what I'd read, you're doing great by your DS.
Sure it can be a challenge, no one said parenting was going to be easy.
My DD is very young compared to most children here.
It's a pleasure and a learning experience for me to come by here everyday.
I thank you in return :celebrate:

[KoalaMummy]

BlurBee:

[Editor's note: Topic selected & edited for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/bringing-kid-great-personality.]


This is something my DH sent to me today. :lol:

培养一个有灵性的孩子
by 玄原寺on Friday, October 1, 2010 at 11:04am

最好不要对孩子说下面十句话：

1.你为什么就不能够像--- …孩子被对比,很可能增加他们本能的敌对情绪,甚至耿耿于怀.
应该向孩子讲清楚你的具体要求.重点放在你希望他改变的不良行为上.

oops, can't read this in office, i presume it's in chinese character cos i only see ===... can anyone translate or capture it in picture format so that i can read. :lol:

[KoalaMummy]

peterch:

... and really stop any of those 2 weeks before CA or SA. So far, this could work well for him and me


I am starting to let him make his own 'time management' and try to make him to follow what he made on his own

for me, i did not stop these totally for 2 weeks, but shorten the time for him, so he still plays to 'de-stress'.. my ds can't manage his time at this age, maybe he's still not matured enough to do it, but i did try to help him with it, hopefully he'll catch on... :celebrate:

[KoalaMummy]

mrswongtuition:

First thing you must ask yourself, are you disappointed because you know he can do better?

Or are you disappointed because your nephew did better than him?.

both, i guess.
[quote]If it's my son, I will be disappointed because I know he's capable of more.[/quote]

ditto... :celebrate:
[quote]Psst, kids who get into GEP or pass GEP cos of 'training' or cos they are hardworking usually find it though to cope in GEP class. [/quote]
[quote]So don't be too upset that your son did not make it. If it's not meant to be now, it's alright cos he'll be presented with more chances in future.[/quote]i guess so... but it's just i feel like 'bu gan xin' Anyway, i'll try to look at it long term instead of short term. thanks for your encouragement. :celebrate: