Do you resent your husband spending money on his family?

[MMM]

LOLMum:

this topic has been in my mind for a while not because of any issue on dh and myself.


our kids are always using their own savings to buy things for each other and us. so couldnt help but wonder after their marriage, would all these change taking in mind that no matter how close the relationship between the parents and kids, it still cant beat that with the spouse.

so if their spouses are not the \"ok type\" (love is blind), headache if everytime, kids want to buy things for us, spouse grumbles.

but still a long long way to go,...........

I wonder too... maybe must start educating the kids now?

My hubby and I manage our finances separately. He is the only son and he has quite a number of sisters. When my pils went to China with one of my sils last year, he volunteer to pay for their ticket but my bil refused to accept. It's his $, it doesn't bother me.

Similarly, I am the only child and I need to support my parents. It doesn't bother him how I support my parents.

I always educate my kids about managing their own monies and have financial sense. Just like how we worked out our own finances. Also told my son to have a brain of his own and think and not be led by others. I do joke about it with him eg. next time your wife say this cannot and that cannot how????.... As parents quite sad huh aftter investing so much on our kids, when we are old, they also cannot bear to splurge on us :? But then again, it's not that we are expecting payback but the actions and thoughts must be there right.

[buds]

I love the occasional splurge if for special occasions like

birthdays, short trips, family makans and all that..... cos
i'm like that too. I find children thrive being in a
healthy family relationship & such celebratory expenditure
is fun & it extends warmth to all; regardless for the one
who is coming out with the moolah or the ones spending it. :lol:

But i would detest it, if he were to pay for his family's debts.
Be it from gambling, credit card purchase defaults for install-
ment items, transport installments for motorbike/car/van or
whatever... or to help pay off $ borrowed from other people
like frenz, relatives or worse off.... loansharks!

Those money are better spent for our family, especially from
a single-income family like mine. My take is... your shit, you
pay!

[berrie]

What happened if hubby always say he doesnt have spare cash, yet doesnt reject his parents when they ask for more $ to buy expensive tonics, give that who and who how much for the wedding/birthday?


Do u get irritated/angry?

[Monster Mummy]

This is always being the issue for two parties from different background get married and lived together.


Yet, this will extend to different family background such as parents demanding more and never satisfied, this need to live within needs.

But there bound to have children who take things for granted and always lived on parents even though they are married without giving any allowances.

Therefore, it is still best to manage the own finances.

[vicki]

Ok with it if it is within means and reasonable.


Not ok if it is been taken adv of.

Luckily so far i dont have $$ issues cos inlaws (fil, mil, bil) and my faimly all ver zi dong.

[beebeemum]

I don't mind if it is for monthly expenses, special occasions eg birthdays, trips and etc or if it is for medical reasons. BUT I do resent if it is to settle gambling debts esp repeatedly. :roll:

[SBKS]

RRMummy:

duriz:

[quote=\"ksi\"]No, he is first a son, then a husband, then a dad.

:goodpost:

I second that.

And I also agree with vk2010, as long as it's within our means.

I third all that :celebrate:[/quote]I 4th that...although i m a husband, that still stands in the wife version.

daughter, wife, mother.

debt wise, for parents can but siblings are expected to chip in. siblings debt then no no. debt aka loansharks, instalments, finance company and banks etc.

[pinky]

my husband issued a supplementary card to one of his married sisters but she rarely pay to him and when i asked him about it, he always said: it's ok, I can afford it. But question is this SIL is spending on fine dining, online purchases and shopping even though her salary cannot support her spending. Her spending habits are so bad her husband actually quoted this as one of the reasons he divorced her. She has chocked up almost $4,700 over the past year and even got the cheek to buy expensive chocolate for my son but I told my son it's actually his father paying for it. :mad: :mad: :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:

[LOLMum]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…


it doesnt matter how sil uses the card or how much/often she pays her bill herself, as long as your dh is fine with it, then just let it be.

she is after all his family too. just make sure there is a limit to the spending.

maybe $4700 for the past year is not a big sum (and as you did mentioned she does pay back a portion of it) as your dh is not kicking up a fuss or running into debt.

hmmmm, for the chocolate thingy, i wont say it was actually his dad paying for it (cos i dont want my kids to be part of this resentment).

[pinky]

LOLMum:

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........


it doesnt matter how sil uses the card or how much/often she pays her bill herself, as long as your dh is fine with it, then just let it be.

she is after all his family too. just make sure there is a limit to the spending.

maybe $4700 for the past year is not a big sum (and as you did mentioned she does pay back a portion of it) as your dh is not kicking up a fuss or running into debt.

hmmmm, for the chocolate thingy, i wont say it was actually his dad paying for it (cos i dont want my kids to be part of this resentment).

though he said he can afford to pay for her, I have to remind him that our family is dependant on him solely and this kind of expenditure is uncalled for and he should not allow her to spend with no limit.
Initially she even ask around if anyone can lend money for her son to buy a car (he's 22 and just got his licence) but no one bother to answer bec that is a huge committment.
our of the $4,700, she paid twice and the amount was less than $200.
besides, he is stingy on himself and will only replace his shoes when the heel wears out or there's a hole :yikes:
This is why I feel he got his priority wrong or maybe he just cannot say no to his family