Do you resent your husband spending money on his family?

[BlueBells]

Yes and no.


YES : I resent it when the fridge and washing machine break down / need to be replaced, and my BIL who has been and is currently staying with my PIL ignores it and blatantly consider it none of his business, and my hubby ends up having to take MIL shopping and paying for these household items as if it is his responsibility to do so, then yes, I resent his $$ being spent this way.

NO: presents, dining, a little extra $$ when she goes for holidays, etc., I am fine.

I guess it is more the attitude / mindset of the receipient that makes me resent it or not, and not the actual spendings.

[Funz]

No I don’t mind. In fact I encouraged DH to give monthly allowances to PILs when we were first married. At that time he did not give them anything. Told him to give within his means even if it is $50/mth, it is really the thought that should mean more, not the amount.


Yes, I do mind, cos I find that PILs are taking advantage. Not that we cannot afford but it just doesn’t sit well. Like MIL had a fall, bumped her head and hurt her spine, cannot go SGH which is the nearest hospital to where they are living, went to a private hospital, on top of that, stayed in a 2 bedder room. They signed all the papers except the one for the deposit, called DH to rush down, the moment he got there, told him to go put the deposit for her stay there. Then she very nicely told DH, don’t worry, I will pay the balance of the bill. I mean after a $3K deposit how much more will she need to pay? The worst thing was, she used her medical insurance to cover part of the bill and I have no idea how or what, she had to up her premium so guess who paid for that? FIL had some problems with his eyes, cannot go see govt doctor, had to go consult pte specialist oso and DH had to pick up the bill. MIL will call DH and tell him he owes her some money, he asked for what she will say she donate on his behalf to whatever cause. During donation drives, she will call using her mobile then ask DH to settle the bill for her. DH was in between jobs and he told her, first thing out of her mouth, wah you no job then I how. He told her dun worry you will still get your allowance. After hanging up the phone then she belatedly called back and ask him if he was ok. CNY, MIL likes to give big Ang Baos but all the money will be from DH, she will ask him for like $2-3k for her to distribute ang baos.

All these after he has been giving them about $2k per month on top of still paying some of their hsehold expenses like utilities, cable and phone. And both of them are only in their 60s and working.

So while I do not mind DH doing his part supporting them in their old age, I do mind being taken advantage of.

[LOLMum]

this topic has been in my mind for a while not because of any issue on dh and myself.


our kids are always using their own savings to buy things for each other and us. so couldnt help but wonder after their marriage, would all these change taking in mind that no matter how close the relationship between the parents and kids, it still cant beat that with the spouse.

so if their spouses are not the "ok type" (love is blind), headache if everytime, kids want to buy things for us, spouse grumbles.

but still a long long way to go,…

[MMM]

LOLMum:

this topic has been in my mind for a while not because of any issue on dh and myself.


our kids are always using their own savings to buy things for each other and us. so couldnt help but wonder after their marriage, would all these change taking in mind that no matter how close the relationship between the parents and kids, it still cant beat that with the spouse.

so if their spouses are not the \"ok type\" (love is blind), headache if everytime, kids want to buy things for us, spouse grumbles.

but still a long long way to go,...........

I wonder too... maybe must start educating the kids now?

My hubby and I manage our finances separately. He is the only son and he has quite a number of sisters. When my pils went to China with one of my sils last year, he volunteer to pay for their ticket but my bil refused to accept. It's his $, it doesn't bother me.

Similarly, I am the only child and I need to support my parents. It doesn't bother him how I support my parents.

I always educate my kids about managing their own monies and have financial sense. Just like how we worked out our own finances. Also told my son to have a brain of his own and think and not be led by others. I do joke about it with him eg. next time your wife say this cannot and that cannot how????.... As parents quite sad huh aftter investing so much on our kids, when we are old, they also cannot bear to splurge on us :? But then again, it's not that we are expecting payback but the actions and thoughts must be there right.

[buds]

I love the occasional splurge if for special occasions like

birthdays, short trips, family makans and all that..... cos
i'm like that too. I find children thrive being in a
healthy family relationship & such celebratory expenditure
is fun & it extends warmth to all; regardless for the one
who is coming out with the moolah or the ones spending it. :lol:

But i would detest it, if he were to pay for his family's debts.
Be it from gambling, credit card purchase defaults for install-
ment items, transport installments for motorbike/car/van or
whatever... or to help pay off $ borrowed from other people
like frenz, relatives or worse off.... loansharks!

Those money are better spent for our family, especially from
a single-income family like mine. My take is... your shit, you
pay!

[berrie]

What happened if hubby always say he doesnt have spare cash, yet doesnt reject his parents when they ask for more $ to buy expensive tonics, give that who and who how much for the wedding/birthday?


Do u get irritated/angry?

[Monster Mummy]

This is always being the issue for two parties from different background get married and lived together.


Yet, this will extend to different family background such as parents demanding more and never satisfied, this need to live within needs.

But there bound to have children who take things for granted and always lived on parents even though they are married without giving any allowances.

Therefore, it is still best to manage the own finances.

[vicki]

Ok with it if it is within means and reasonable.


Not ok if it is been taken adv of.

Luckily so far i dont have $$ issues cos inlaws (fil, mil, bil) and my faimly all ver zi dong.

[beebeemum]

I don't mind if it is for monthly expenses, special occasions eg birthdays, trips and etc or if it is for medical reasons. BUT I do resent if it is to settle gambling debts esp repeatedly. :roll:

[SBKS]

RRMummy:

duriz:

[quote=\"ksi\"]No, he is first a son, then a husband, then a dad.

:goodpost:

I second that.

And I also agree with vk2010, as long as it's within our means.

I third all that :celebrate:[/quote]I 4th that...although i m a husband, that still stands in the wife version.

daughter, wife, mother.

debt wise, for parents can but siblings are expected to chip in. siblings debt then no no. debt aka loansharks, instalments, finance company and banks etc.