Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?

[markfch]

chatelaine:

We usually do the caning on their hands.


Caning is not advisable when a child has reached 12yrs old. Best to stop at 10yrs. I think this will affect them in the growing stage. Of course prior to caning, counsel them first. Just in case, you cane them for the wrong reason.

My ds is 6 and I think he's too mature to be caned already. Nowadays kids mature so fast that caning is no longer the best method imho. In fact, think I only use the cane a couple of times on him and that's when he was 3 or 4. For ds, reasoning & time-outs are much more effective once he achieved a certain level of maturity.

He used to fight with his classmates in kindy but has since stopped after I told him to say no to violence. Nowadays he doesn't reiterate phyiscally when being beaten (which still happens quite often :roll: ). So it's hypocritical of me if I preach to him the virtue of non-violence but do otherwise.

[sunset_dae]

when im too angry, i dun even bother to go and find a cane, just pull his ears! :x

[FELYN]

sunset_dae:

when im too angry, i dun even bother to go and find a cane, just pull his ears! :x

Oh yes my cane my children when they are young but not after sec1 :x

[buds]

markfch:

Nowadays kids mature so fast that caning is no longer the best method imho.

Not all kids honestly..

Having worked with children all my life and from all walks of life /
backgrounds, maturity is not something all children possess or
have nurtured in them. My youngest brother in law is still as
immature as ever even after undergoing national service.

markfch:

He used to fight with his classmates in kindy but has since stopped after I told him to say no to violence. Nowadays he doesn't reiterate phyiscally when being beaten (which still happens quite often :roll: ). So it's hypocritical of me if I preach to him the virtue of non-violence but do otherwise.

:evil: This is tricky hawrite... :evil:

I remember my dad asking me to just give the kindy class bully a shove
to show him that i'm no pushover (when the teacher's not looking)... :lol:
My recollection of it was the boy was on the floor crying and pointing his
index finger at me whilst simultaneously complaining to the teacher.. :laugh:
Suffice to say the teacher didn't believe him and dad as usual just offered
his usual quip, \"Time to go kids!\" I held my brother's hands and ran to the
car with a skip-to-my-loo in our steps and singing away.

The bully? He never touched me again.

[markfch]

buds:

:evil: This is tricky hawrite... :evil:

I remember my dad asking me to just give the kindy class bully a shove
to show him that i'm no pushover (when the teacher's not looking)... :lol:
My recollection of it was the boy was on the floor crying and pointing his
index finger at me whilst simultaneously complaining to the teacher.. :laugh:
Suffice to say the teacher didn't believe him and dad as usual just offered
his usual quip, \"Time to go kids!\" I held my brother's hands and ran to the
car with a skip-to-my-loo in our steps and singing away.

The bully? He never touched me again.

Today in the car I asked ds who is the cry baby king of his class? Without the slightest hesitation he said 'of course it's me!' As though it's some kind of accolade :faint:.

DS was never the physical-violent type. I recalled when my niece who is half a head shorter than him snatched his toys when he was 3, his reaction was to start crying. In kindy, he's the 2nd tallest boy in the class. When a girl scratched him out of anger, his reaction? Cry again lor . Even his previous 'fights' were very mild ones, more like snatching for toys kind.

Some of his classmates can be quite violent. DS told me that one particular boy bashed another boy's head on the table and later on even sat on the victim's head. Luckily ds not like that, or I'll surely do this :slapshead: . I've been quite successful in hagging & nagging ds into submission without the need to resort to caning . I'm quite LLLS, you see my posts-count you'll know :lol:.

[buds]

I was NEVER the physical kind either.


It took me a few days to mull over dad's suggestion
before i eventually do it. Guess it went overboard tt
day ba.. his unlucky day. But neither was i a crybb..
Just that, my daddie was the one who witnessed the
bullying which usually happened at dismissal, not the
teacher. :roll:

I did remind him that it wud be wrong of me to retaliate
in kind. Daddie cheekily replied, \"Just try it out and see
how it pans out, ok. When you're ready. No pressure..
After all HE did it countless times to date & the teacher
never seemed to see.\" :roll:

I supposed the teacher DID see, but just that she didn't
know how to deal with it other than... \"We shouldn't hit
our friends. It is not right.\" Followed by asking the kids
to apologize, right? Punishment not allowed. Complain
to the boy's parents, she would seem incompetent in
handling the students.

So, i guessed tt when i shoved the boy accidentally in my
pique of anger and reflex response, (when he shoved me
yet again that day)... the teacher closed one eye ba?

Olden days of instilling survival skills on the side, ya think?

[tamarind]

I have never caned my girl and boy before. Both of them are reasonably well behaved.


They never throw tantrums when I do not agree to buy things for them. In fact, they never expect me to buy anything for them when we go out shopping. They never say things like "Mommy, buy this for me now". The reason is because I buy things for them only during their birthdays, or when they have worked hard. From a very young age, they know that they can eventually get what they want, if they work hard. So there is no need to throw tantrums.

When my girl entered P1, I started to give her allowance everyday. She saves part of her allowance everyday, so that she can buy what she likes. She is saving up so that she can get a computer of her own. I remember that when I was 14 years old, I saved a dollar everyday, for 100 days, and I bought a cassette recorder. I never thought about asking my parents to buy for me.

We must understand the fact that it is natural for kids to want certain things. It is not natural to suppress this desire by caning them. We should teach them the correct way of getting what they want. Once they understand it, then they will have no reason to throw tantrums.

For other cases like when they hit each other, instead of caning them, I make them kiss and hug each other. This is actually more dreadful than caning, especially when they were angry with each other. However when they were made to hug each other, they became a lot less resentful of each other. Now both my kids play very well together.

There are many methods that are more effective than caning. Parents just have to use their brains to think, instead of using their hands to hit.

[raynreg]

tamarind:

For other cases like when they hit each other, instead of caning them, I make them kiss and hug each other. This is actually more dreadful than caning, especially when they were angry with each other. However when they were made to hug each other, they became a lot less resentful of each other. Now both my kids play very well together.

I like this part and I make them do this as well. But sometimes both of them just hug and kiss for \"wayang\" only.

[tamarind]

Another method that I have used, which I think is more effective than caning, is to make my kids write the same sentence many times.


For example, I made my boy write \"I will not hit my sister again\" 50 times before. Our aim is to teach kids a lesson, and making them write the same thing many times will reinforce the lesson. The \"side effect\" is that my kids get to practice their handwriting. Both my kids write very neatly now

[duriz]

LKVM:

tamarind:

The \"side effect\" is that my kids get to practice their handwriting. Both my kids write very neatly now

Guess this is not the side effect but the best effect

:celebrate: