How much should I give my parents?

[cherrygal]

It really depends on how much you earn actually. If that total amount is only say, 10% of your salary, then it is not much. You also need to measure the other commitments you have eg. car and housing loans.


Is your hubby paying for some items? Make him pay. Childcare expenses should be borne by him, or shared at least. You shouldn’t be paying for everything.

In my household, my hubby pays for everything, including childcare and all enrichment expenses. He has to pay for my ds’ childcare fees and also pay my parents for looking after my baby (a bit more than what you would pay a babysitter but still worth it coz you cannot compare the level of care). What I continue to give my parents is the monthly token sum before they looked after my baby. My hubby would also pay for all the groceries that go into preparing meals for the entire household since we now live with my parents most days. My parents would pay for utilities etc.

It’s really give and take for now, esp when you need their help. Nothing beats having the grandparents looking after the kids. Infant-care centers are not cheap either (can go up to $1100 with subsidy) and you still can’t trust them totally. You got to compare apple with apple and in this situation, you can’t compare.

Just be appreciative that your parents are willing to take care of your kids. I have a friend who would willingly pay to have the grandparents watch her kid but sadly, both sides refused her.

[KZYPmum]

Thanks Cherrygal.


Nope, $1200 is not 10% of my salary… I definitely don’t earn $12,000 a month…

well, we are paying the preschool expenses for the older child from CDA for now, and in future we’ll probably split it. Hubby pays for the utilities and internet, I pay for all the groceries, including diapers and food for the kid - sometimes he chips in a bit for the groceries. we share the mortgage payments equally. Hubby earns slightly more than me.

you’re right, nothing beats having family to take care of the kids, but then again sometimes that makes for conflict too, since it adds a layer of complications. but then again, at least their intentions will always be more or less good.

I guess I should continue footing what I used to give them, even though it’s more than the token sum that most people give their parents, simply cos my parents need financial support and other people’s parents might not.

And I’ll get my hubby to share in paying the ‘extra’ above that… difficulty for me is in determining what that extra should be.

Maybe I should start a poll on how much people give their parents who help look after 1-2 kids below 7, and their breakdown of what they would have to give anyway if their parents were not caregivers…

[hquek]

hi KZYPmum,


I agree it should be what you can afford. And if you need to peg, try to match what you would be paying for maid (including salary and levy). In my case, I hired a maid to help them with the chores and give them some money every month for parental allowance and topped it up somemore for taking care of my kids. I would also get groceries for them whenever I have the chance.

On their part, my parents also want to make sure I’m not milked dry and do have some left becos maintaining a family with school going kids not cheap.

I’m lucky that my parents are not depending on me financially and they are willing and happy to look out for me also.

[MMM]

My mum took care of my kids when they were younger. She was a SAHM. Now that the 2 older ones are in primary school and the youngest in K1, her responsibility only lies with ferrying my K1 around for lessons.


In their case, my father has stopped working and has a very small pension after the sale of their flat. I am the only child so I am their only source of income. My parents had some savings when they sold off their flat but it's not alot type. They have been the hand to mouth type of family so don't have much savings.

I currently give them a combined of $1350 each month. My father was more like pocket money of $250 when he stopped working full time this year. My mum very much runs the family with the money. But it's mainly for both of them. I pay for their utilities and property maintanence when we bought a apartment together with them 3 yrs back. I also pay for the loan for their existing apartment. So due to that, my parents understand my financial load and hence don't expect too much from me on a monthly basis. During CNY, birthday or bonus, I would give them extras for ang pow preparation. I also pay for their annual holidays.

I feel that very much depends on your income and your parents. Eg. if they know your financial situation of having to support kids,etc... they probably don't expect much. But on the other hand, as they depend on your financially, it's difficult to stop the allowances or reduce. When the kids were younger and our income is not that high then, my mum didn't expect much. I heard some mums will compare the allowance against the childcare fees. :roll:

[Muffins]

parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back…

[chatelaine]

Just give what you can afford. I’m sure your parents will understand if they know how much you are earning and your commitments for your own family.


I gave 20% of my pay to my parents when they look after my kid. After less all the commitments, I practically left nothing much money for savings.

[sleepy]

True, we should give what we can afford.

I think we shouldn't measure parents' allowance by how much 'work' they are doing for us now

Muffins:

parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....

:goodpost:

[KZYPmum]

hquek:

hi KZYPmum,


I agree it should be what you can afford. And if you need to peg, try to match what you would be paying for maid (including salary and levy). In my case, I hired a maid to help them with the chores and give them some money every month for parental allowance and topped it up somemore for taking care of my kids. I would also get groceries for them whenever I have the chance.

On their part, my parents also want to make sure I'm not milked dry and do have some left becos maintaining a family with school going kids not cheap.

I'm lucky that my parents are not depending on me financially and they are willing and happy to look out for me also.

Yup, I think the crux is that they are financially secure, so are not too bothered with how much you give... and they're happy to help so you're really blessed!

[KZYPmum]

Muffins:

parents are the people who have taken care of, and have brought us up into the people we are today, so i think the amoutn of money we would be able to give them is not enough to repay them back....

nice of you to think this way, muffins. your parents are lucky / have brought u up to think the 'right' way...

however, sometimes it's not about repaying them per se, but more in terms of striking a balance between what you can afford, and what they might perceive as necesssary or fair...

[KZYPmum]

MMM:

My mum took care of my kids when they were younger. She was a SAHM. Now that the 2 older ones are in primary school and the youngest in K1, her responsibility only lies with ferrying my K1 around for lessons.


In their case, my father has stopped working and has a very small pension after the sale of their flat. I am the only child so I am their only source of income. My parents had some savings when they sold off their flat but it's not alot type. They have been the hand to mouth type of family so don't have much savings.

I currently give them a combined of $1350 each month. My father was more like pocket money of $250 when he stopped working full time this year. My mum very much runs the family with the money. But it's mainly for both of them. I pay for their utilities and property maintanence when we bought a apartment together with them 3 yrs back. I also pay for the loan for their existing apartment. So due to that, my parents understand my financial load and hence don't expect too much from me on a monthly basis. During CNY, birthday or bonus, I would give them extras for ang pow preparation. I also pay for their annual holidays.

I feel that very much depends on your income and your parents. Eg. if they know your financial situation of having to support kids,etc... they probably don't expect much. But on the other hand, as they depend on your financially, it's difficult to stop the allowances or reduce. When the kids were younger and our income is not that high then, my mum didn't expect much. I heard some mums will compare the allowance against the childcare fees. :roll:

same, same... am the only child, so no one else to 'supplement' their income... and similarly, even though we were never destitute, they live from hand to mouth and thus have hardly any savings. even their CPF balances are meagre.

I suppose if my mum had the same allocation (e.g. 1000 out of 1300) she'd be happy enough. issue is I split it roughly equally since my dad has so many more bills to pay than her, but she doesn't see it that way cos he has a small pension and she only has me as an 'income source'.

it's less of the comparing against childcare fees than what comes up when there are family gatherings... then the aunties will ask (not verified but quite sure they do) how much your daughter gives you? then huh only like that ah? (without finding out how much i give my dad too, and that i pay for all their meals, and their utilities - gosh they use water and gas like free - our utilities doubled after they spent time in our house, but i can still deal with that...)