Disciplinarian vs Nurturer: can the two co-exist?

[jnj0910]

markfch:


you are right, it's who spends the more time interacting that matters...
another reason to tell my hubby to get helper to dohouse work

[Angelight]

Hi Markfch,


If it's spending more time with the child, then I think I do spend more time interacting with DD than DH cos he is at work Mon-Fri and when he is home, he is always on his book/newspapers/TV/laptop. But DD is still very clingy to him and will pester him to play with her when he is home.

Maybe she regards me as a strict discipline master and her daddy as the indulging dad. Whenever DH is home, I will be \"pushed\" to the backseat. How sad...

But when he is at work, I'm \"promoted\" to the front seat again. :?

[janet88]

Angelight:

Hi Markfch,


If it's spending more time with the child, then I think I do spend more time interacting with DD than DH cos he is at work Mon-Fri and when he is home, he is always on his book/newspapers/TV/laptop. But DD is still very clingy to him and will pester him to play with her when he is home.

Maybe she regards me as a strict discipline master and her daddy as the indulging dad. Whenever DH is home, I will be \"pushed\" to the backseat. How sad...

But when he is at work, I'm \"promoted\" to the front seat again. :?

Hubby works from home most of the time...but he's like 'there but not touchable' because of his conference calls. But when he's not working, he's always on the TV or laptop too :x

[buds]

markfch:

For me, I do most of the disciplining at home too (but no caning, only scolding/time-outs esp. when ds is rude).

Discipline.... hmmm... :idea:

Hubs and i share both the good and the bad and yes... :evil: ... also the ughly (ugly). :rubhands:
It's only fair that we both walk the talk. Don't waddle.

But the girls are equally close to us. :love:

Though hubs always says & thinks otherwise. :roll:

DDs will go to him when he's playing his iPhone game and step on his soles/
feet and ask, \"Is this nice daddy? You must be tired after work...\"

Or the occasional, \"Can we play Othello or Monopoly together, i miss playing
with you...\"

And they'd also come to me and ask, \"Can i snuggle up on your bed before
i go to my room to sleep so that we can chat for a while... i love bonding with u, mom..\" :love:

markfch:

DW hardly ever disciplines him. Come to think about it, she also does a lot of things for ds but it's just that those are not so visible (like cooking proper meals, packing his bag). The things I do are more visible, like bedtime reading, piano practising, computer gaming (yes, I'm the game expert to ds). So I guess for ds, what matters more is who spends more time interacting with him, not necessarily who disciplines him less.

Now now markfch... \"YOU\" sure need the cane now. :spank:

Whaddya mean by.... ermmm... cooking proper meals aren't visible, huh?
Explain yourself! :rant:

Btw... DS should already start learning to pack his own bag hor.
Next year P1 oredi...

As for the interacting part, i'd rather think of that interaction as
\"quality interaction\" as opposed to who does \"more interaction\".

It can work if one knows which strings to pull at which time...
Just like how we wifeys pull our the strings of our husbands'.. :evil:

Works almost the same way, but think kiddie level.

[pummanuel]

Angelight:

Maybe she regards me as a strict discipline master and her daddy as the indulging dad. Whenever DH is home, I will be \"pushed\" to the backseat. How sad...

But when he is at work, I'm \"promoted\" to the front seat again. :?

Hi Angelight

I think we are pretty much in the same boat. I'm a SAHM with a 4 year old daughter. I have no help from both my parents and in laws since my daughter was born. And my husband's favourite companion at home is his PC, watching online dramas and movies. I’m basically an AIO (All-in-one) parent – nurturer, disciplinarian, cook, maid, doctor, etc. And as I don’t have any help, my daughter is alike an Amex card, I don’t leave home without it.

But alas, whenever my husband is at work, I will be my daughter's #1 companion and when he's back, I become a backup. I think I got over it as I’ve already been warned of this situation by a SAHM friend who has a son. (So I guess it’s not a matter of son or daughter.)

Also, I read somewhere that it’s natural for a child to look for the working parent as it’s a child’s inert desire to bond with their parents and since that parent is hardly at home, the desire to be with that parent is stronger. Another school of thought is a child instinctively knows who is the breadwinner of the family and hence the survival instinct in them will create that desire to be close to that working parent. I guess this trait will be more obvious in families with SAHMs.

But I’m sure when your daughter is sick or has nightmares, etc, the first person she will look for is YOU! This is because you are the best person to make her feel secure. And sense of security is very crucial for a child’s well-being.

I think she’s just prioritizing her time to be with daddy whenever daddy is back and not because mummy is too strict with her. You can see it as her first steps towards time managment.

For my case, I will encourage my daughter to play with her father whenever he’s back. This will mean more time for myself - time to finish my housework, time to read my books, time to surf the internet. I treasure this moment!

[jnj0910]

agree with you pummanuel, make use of the precious \"me time\" when daddy's home

[markfch]

Angelight:

Hi Markfch,


If it's spending more time with the child, then I think I do spend more time interacting with DD than DH cos he is at work Mon-Fri and when he is home, he is always on his book/newspapers/TV/laptop. But DD is still very clingy to him and will pester him to play with her when he is home.

Maybe she regards me as a strict discipline master and her daddy as the indulging dad. Whenever DH is home, I will be \"pushed\" to the backseat. How sad...

But when he is at work, I'm \"promoted\" to the front seat again. :?

Maybe your dd wants to be fair, in that she wishes to spend quality time equally with both her parents . Btw when you say you're strict, how strict is that? Though I'm the disciplinarian at home, I'm actually quite lax with discipine :oops: . Just the other day dw commented why I allow ds to talk to me as an equal. But I thought that it's ok. To me, ds is mature enough for us to discuss things as peers, most times anyway.

[markfch]

buds:

DDs will go to him when he's playing his iPhone game and step on his soles/
feet and ask, \"Is this nice daddy? You must be tired after work...\"

Or the occasional, \"Can we play Othello or Monopoly together, i miss playing
with you...\"

Your dd are so sweet, just like their mum .

buds:

Now now markfch... \"YOU\" sure need the cane now. :spank:

Whaddya mean by.... ermmm... cooking proper meals aren't visible, huh?
Explain yourself! :rant:

No I don't mean cooking is not appreciated, just that it's not so interactive as compared to sharing jokes/stories.

buds:

Btw... DS should already start learning to pack his own bag hor.
Next year P1 oredi...

You sounded like his k2 teacher when you said that . Let's see how's the progress of this one. The other project (about valuing $$) is permanently kiv cos we hit a roadblock :oops: .

[buds]

markfch:

Your dd are so sweet, just like their mum :D.

Thank you! :please:

markfch:

No I don't mean cooking is not appreciated, just that it's not so interactive as compared to sharing jokes/stories.

Not true.. or perhaps just that i involve my girls in the purchasing,
preparation process and also the cooking proper sometimes. Other
times, they just come into the kitchen and ask to watch how dinner
would be cooked that day.

Even washing dishes together can be interactive... They soap up
the plates and cutlery... i rinse... another dries them up ... and we
chat at the same time. :love:

Yes, i do agree that sharing jokes (the sillier the more remembered) :roll:
and also sharing stories definitely makes an impact to interaction especially
if done during quiet moments together.

buds:

Btw... DS should already start learning to pack his own bag hor. Next year P1 oredi...

markfch:

You sounded like his k2 teacher when you said that . Let's see how's the progress of this one.

Once a teacher... always a teacher bah.. :politebleah:

markfch:

The other project (about valuing $$) is permanently kiv cos we hit a roadblock :oops: .

Wei!

I offered you lotsa ideas there leh! Still nothing works arh?

YOU! Yes, you there markfch! :spank:

Stop pampering him with material stuff! :lol:

[markfch]

buds:

Stop pampering him with material stuff! :lol:

Somehow I think you understand me so well.

DS recently won a prize and my mum & bro decided to reward him with $200 cash, right into his pocket. Sis also promised to buy him a whatever-you-desire-no-budget-limit toy. So you think so easy to inculcate the right values meh?

A smart parent picks his battle. I'll lose this battle but win the war later (I hope ).