In-law problems?

[janet88]

auntieM/24hr-mum,

I cannot handle them…nor understand how their brain works.
Ok, I agree they have eaten salt more than we have eaten rice. But putting that aside, I really cannot tolerate the endless drama…the faking of concern in front of their sons and the way they 2 head.
Very very sian.

[24hr-mum]

they literally ate more salt than we ate rice, but they forgot that salt is bad for health, haha!


old era basically clash with new era.
the difference is irreconcible…
a square peg in a round hole…

its like a vegetarian living with a meat-eater. how to reconcile?

[janet88]

24hr-mum:

they literally ate more salt than we ate rice, but they forgot that salt is bad for health, haha!


old era basically clash with new era.
the difference is irreconcible........
a square peg in a round hole.....

its like a vegetarian living with a meat-eater. how to reconcile?

Not possible of course...it's not that we cannot live with her, but it's the reverse. Wherever she goes, she will create problems.
In her bid to win favour with grandchildren and sons, she will refuse to acknowledge things that are wrong. :x :roll:

[24hr-mum]

they hv strong sense of insecurity. whole mind is only abt winning favor frm sons and grandchildren

[qizai]

Thanks, janet_lee88, growie and 24hr-mum for your comments!


Nobody enters marriage wanting to live life grappling with these issues, everybody wants their marriage to be lovey-dovey and passionate.

But unfortunately for many ladies, and the occasional bloke like me, in-law issues come in various annoying shapes and sizes.

Instead of waiting for that person to die, which could be at least another 20 years or so, we have to make those issues as minor as possible, instead of letting it dominate our lives.

To be as minor as possible, maybe a good way would be treating the problem like a neighbour's dog pooing at ur doorstep, or an irksome cockroach hiding under the cabinet, or the lizard on the wall that you cannot seem to chase away.

As long as we do not have to deal with them everyday, our focus should be on beautiful things in our life, not the ugly ones.

Well, hope I don't come across as too mean in saying all these, but if you never have a mean MIL in your life, then a good way to get the feel is to imagine a situation where you have to face a mean colleague/boss in a job that you can never quit for the next 30 years.

[24hr-mum]

u r talkg abt not hvg to face mil everyday.

for me few years ago, i had to face my mil 24/7 for 6 yrs…it was super depressing…no one will understand unless they had stayed wif one like that

[janet88]

Hi 24hr-mum,

It’s sad and a torture to have put up with such misery after getting married.

Usually for the men to face their in-laws, it’s chicken feed. It’s the reverse for women though. For me, if I don’t have to face them, I’m very happy and relieved…even if there is abalone and birds nest, no thanks.

[phankao]

24hr-mum:

u r talkg abt not hvg to face mil everyday.

for me few years ago, i had to face my mil 24/7 for 6 yrs............it was super depressing...............no one will understand unless they had stayed wif one like that

Only 6 years? ;D MIL has lived with me for 12 years. There's really not much choice for a place for her to stay. Actually we have the least amount of space for her. sigh. She treats the whole house like her own.

I was telling my hubs that I wonder whether there will come a day SOON when our house can be our OWN, the way it should be. Who knows, maybe MIL will live past 100yrs - only few yrs more but still so strong!

I find it so unfair that our ILs both never had to have anyone live with them, but we have to. Which means MIL had her own household to run whatever way she liked with no interfering ILs or parents. Really not fair. Even my own mother never had to have her parents or ILs live with her but i think if MIL is not around anymore, the next one to move in might be my own mum.

I really wish we could afford a house with several separate wings!

[24hr-mum]

hi phankao,


there was a time when we thot of buying cluster house - whc had 3 levels, so each generation can occupy one flr. but i told my hubby, it poses even worry for becos whenever my mil sees my kids go up n down the stairs, she will sure be the one to accompany them walk up n down the stairs even tho she is so frail herslf. there is a risk of both the old n the young falling down esp since her style is to hold my kids’ hands ALL the time, even after we are already at door step when coming hm from outside, she still holds on to my girl’s hand with one hand, and will try to balance herslf wobbly cos she needs the other hand to take off her shoes (she cant use one feet to take off the shoe from the other feet)

after mil move out, i even dont want cluster house so i can hv the excuse of no space. but anyway the best shield was my maid. my mil moved out becos she cant tahan hving to compete for the kids first with me but later also compete against the maid. so my maid was my saving grace:）
i was preg wif #3 then and even tho i was preg, i was filled with anger everyday cos my mil wld blackface me over many things - my girl dont her to bathe her but prefer me, dont want to hold her hand, when my boy cry i forbid her from sayang the naughty boy, when i brg kids out for dinner wf my girl friends n she had to dine alone, etc she even want to follow me to church’s couple empowerment course ! things were so bad i threatened to move out and file a ‘D’.

those days i wld nvr forget. can forgive but nvr forget.

when she stayed wif me, most of the time after dinner i stayed in my rm wif my kids. my rm has tv, bar fridge, many things to make me self -sufficient and no need to go kitchen or living rm so i can avoid my mil.
i nvr ventured into living rm or kitchen. only my rm n study rm. it was how i prevented my kids from becoming tv addict cos my mil n bil who also stayed wif me, wld watch tv whole nite after dinner at living rm.

there was this song abt a prostitute whose house was only a room.
my hubby teased me and said my situation was like that too.

[24hr-mum]

i told my hubby, even if u give me 100 million, i wld nvr stay wif his mum given any choice. i wld rather stay in a 1rm flat.