toddler misbehaving only with mom!

[Rio]

My boy at 3.5 still "bully" me. He refuse to eat vegetable whenever I feed him. Wants to b carried ONLY BY ME when we go out. Whines at me even when I am attending lesson with him. But he doesn’t do that to my helper. Even the class teacher noted a drastic difference in him whenever my helper bring him to class. She says he can perform excellent with my helper, but never with me…


So now my helper "forbid" me to feed my boy, cos it will take 2 hrs with all the tug of war, whereas she will take just 20 min. N we take alternate turn to bring him to classes so as to maximize his learning.

[riash]

guys and gals, same story still for me. helper out for xmas. son din eat a meal today, just snacks! sigh, wonder what he needs me for. better to live with my helper, less stress for my son. does this phase go away?

[cnimed]

Probably you are too soft with him. If my children dare refuse their meals they will not get anything else from me. At the very most they can tell me they are not hungry yet and prefer to eat the food a little later butit’s still the same food. If anyone sneak their candies before meals the whole pack goes down the rubbish chute. You must draw your line and stand by it. If you are not prepared to then don’t tell the child anything. This way the child knows that if you say something, you really mean it.

[riash]

yes deminc,i guess i am soft. but i do shout and sometimes even smack him, he’s too playful…he will just scream and shout louder. then start throwing things around. i will just walk away.

sometimes no energy to reason with him, he makes everything difficult!

[riash]

Rio:

My boy at 3.5 still \"bully\" me. He refuse to eat vegetable whenever I feed him. Wants to b carried ONLY BY ME when we go out. Whines at me even when I am attending lesson with him. But he doesn't do that to my helper. Even the class teacher noted a drastic difference in him whenever my helper bring him to class. She says he can perform excellent with my helper, but never with me....


So now my helper \"forbid\" me to feed my boy, cos it will take 2 hrs with all the tug of war, whereas she will take just 20 min. N we take alternate turn to bring him to classes so as to maximize his learning.

rio, at what age did your son start behaving this way? i also get my helper to do all the feeding. so much so i hv to stay away till he finish eating, if he sees me, thats the end of eating. sometimes he will ask me to feed him, so i will explain to him that i would love to feed him but if he starts playing a fool or whining etc i will walk away. he's fine, and he will always whine and not eat!!!

[kboon2009]

Hi parents

Is it true that after kids get over the terrible twos stage they will be better behaved? Easier for parents to feed and shower? My 2.7year old daughter is so naughty and active that even feeding and shower her tires me so much everyday, and leave me with no energy to do shichida home practice and read to her everyday (I’m a FTWM). She takes more than 1 hour for her meals and for showers she will run around and take her own sweet time to go into the bathroom.

[cherrygal]

Hi kboon2009

Yes, it usually gets better after three+, assuming the child is a perfectly normal kid - no asperger, ADHD etc. You just need to exert your authority as a parent during these trying times. I believe you must start to teach her what is discipline. Your job is to always mean what you say (use simple language that she understands).

If you tell her she can't have a sweet if she does not obey you, then make sure you don't give any sweets to her until she does, even if she starts crying. Don't ever flinch. Once you do, she would always use tears to get what she wants. Be consistent and firm.

Once this authority is set, the journey will be much smoother.

Today at a parenting talk, one parent shared that she has trouble getting her P1 son to stop playing multiple-player online games that are extremely violent. He absolutely refuses to switch the PC off. The counsellor advised that she must exert her authority as a parent. Move the PC to the living room, set time limits and observe them strictly. She should switch off the PC herself if he refuses. Parents must never treat their kids as lords from a young age. You must instil control and self-control from the day they understand what you are saying. It is too late once they reach their teens.

[cherrygal]

Rio:

My boy at 3.5 still \"bully\" me. He refuse to eat vegetable whenever I feed him. Wants to b carried ONLY BY ME when we go out. Whines at me even when I am attending lesson with him. But he doesn't do that to my helper.

Riash, Rio...
Your kids \"bully\" you because you ALLOW them to climb over your heads. It is to their disadvantage if the parents are too soft with them. This type of pampering is not helpful for their character development. A parenting coach I met today, advised all parents to BE PARENTS, NOT FRIENDS. Exert your authority, even with the cane if necessary. Be approachable when they need to talk. However, you should not be overly friendly that they show no respect towards you.