Kiasu society--> kiasu child--> death & tragedy
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ChiefKiasu:
This is where the thinking goes wrong. His self-worth is so limiting(gotta do with upbringing), he is only good enough if he studies well. Firstly, things changed for a reason. If he caused the reason for the change, he had to self-evaluate where he went wrong and see if he could still redeem it by correcting the reason for the change. Secondly, in the short term, he might see it as shame, but if he knew his self-worth, his friends were not going to quit on him just because he was no longer a scholar. Do you quit on your friend, the moment you realise your friend is no longer a scholar? What about uncertainty? LIFE IS A GAMBLE, hadn't his intelligence told him that? Not his IQ definitely but he was lacking in EQ and AQ and whose issue? Even given a job after graduation through a scholarship has no promise that he is going to blossom on the job, so what certainty are we talking about? He focused on the shame because he was wired to think so, hence all the negative thoughts cascaded. Not doing well in a scholarship means no future? Then we won't have electricity today cos Edison failed 9999 times, should have no light, no future. The more I write the angrier I feel for this poor kid that ended this way. He knew his maths, science, etc so well but he forgot the learnings of famous people.... Even very famous people took so long to be successful....a little off topic....I often feel sorry for JS Bach who only became posthumus 100 years after his death. But one thing for sure, he had never given up on his music...otherwise even after 100 years, he would not be known. Where is the value called \"Tenacity\"?
Let's see this from the point of view of the student. He was intelligent and had been doing well enough in school to earn a scholarship. Somehow, in the U, things changed and he found himself struggling to stay afloat in the stressful environment. And he has this huge axe above his neck threatening to cut him off his scholarship if he does not do well enough in his exams. No matter how hard he tried to study, the uncertainty and fear only made it more difficult for him to do well. And then they cut him off. He could only think of the shame that will face him when he return home, and for him, it was the end of the road. No future. .ChiefKiasu:
Personally I had gone through such a similar crisis myself at uni too, before that I had a smooth sailing ride all the way. It was devastating for sure, because pride was the hardest thing to handle. But I valued myself beyond academics, I knew I had alot more to offer beyond that and academics alone should not decide my future. In other words, I knew my self-worth and my friends were very supportive. Has that incident marred my career? NO, not at all. I cannot comment about being his parent and I agree it is not as simple as telling...it was more of a process he had missed while growing up. However, suffice to say to increase the % of our children internalising our messages, walk the talk. Lead by example and learning by leading is alot more effective than keep telling.How would we react if we were in his shoes? I think we would at least be devastated, or even crack under the pressure like he did. And if we had been his parents, could we have prepared him to better manage the situation? I don't have the answer to that. But I know it would not be as simple as just telling him not to worry too much about failing his exams and to take things easy. Parenting would be so much easier if our kids actually internalize 1% of what we tell them.
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Being addicted to Gaming is also a cause. He spent a lot of time on computer gaming and lately has been addicted to it and neglected his work. Also, lack of healthy lifestyle : sport, communication with people around him…
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Since it's my sentence, I ought to say something.
It's just a word, \"kiasu\" and it's just me and my literature degree talking in puns, perhaps inappropriately, pls forgive me.
The essence is exactly what you all have said: the young man lost (for what reason that's not important), and instead of picking himself up and finding a proper resolution, he decided that it was The End, he did not wish to go on anymore, and he wanted to exact revenge (for what reason I do not know). He lacked as ks2me said, tenacity.
Beyond this, I will not speculate. There is still too much that we do not know and the authorities do not seem to be saying. In fact, we should not speculate further for the sake of the poor parents.
The reason why I brought up kiasuism is not that the young man is kiasu, but that as parents WE could be - WE (i.e the parents) are afraid that our children will \"su\" in life, so we overload them with enrichment courses, insist that they maintain top grades, we even put all kinds of scientific labels on their learning \"deficiencies\" when they are simply still growing up, so that we can seek profe$$ional help instead of teaching them ourselves, etc. so simply that we can treat them as trophies.
While this is in fact a perfectly natural thing to do that parents have done for generations, the problem here is that in today's world, it's gone overboard. Proof that it's gone overboard: this case, previous cases around the world, and future cases.
Chief you are in fact right in one point - the young man did not know how to lose. But I didn't mean to say that he was kiasu/afraid to lose (though we can also argue that) - I was in fact saying that parents today must be careful if we are to have a kiasu attitude in bringing up our kids. If you want your kid to be no.1 you also have to make sure the child does not grow up into a person who cannot accept defeat gracefully. -
I agreed with many of the comments mentioned earlier. I think we should
equip ourselves and our children the ability to accept failure and stress and how to overcome obstacles and adversity.
The pressure to succeed and to excel is so great that we lost our tolerance for failures and treat it
as though it is the end of the world and all hopes are lost.
My definition of kiasu is cannot accept loss and failure and as long as the
expectations are there, there will not be an end to such tragedies. This
NTU case is not the first and surely will not be the last. -
insider:
Partial guilty of point 3... For that moment, I feel like strangling the bully.... but as my girl is still young, I thot the bully was more on teasing lah... so I left it as that and advise my girl to tell the teacher if it happens again but she has told me \"sometimes teacher tell me just don't care abt him...\"Are you that type who:
1.\trun to your child the moment you see him/her fall (down on the floor) that with common sense, you know that it’s nothing major (though can be painful)?
2.\ttie his shoelaces / spoon feed him / button his shirts / etc when you see he is struggling to do on his own?
3.\tgo to the school to speak to the teacher/principal/etc the moment you hear him talking about he was bullied in school?
4.\tgo to the school to bargain for mark when you realize that your child’s teacher made a mistake by marking a 1 or 2 marks question as wrong instead of correct?
5. go to the school once you know that the teacher raised her voice at him and you feel that his self-esteem is 'bruised'?
6.\tsend your child to tuition so that he can be ahead of his teacher in syllabus?
7.\thelp your child to do his homework even he didn't ask for it?
8.\tensure that your child is fully occupied every moment of his waking hours?
If the answers to the above are mostly ‘Yes’, then your child is unlikely to be independent intellectually/emotionally. The problem does not lie with him, it lies with the parents who are overly protective / kiasu…
just wondering from your POV, how should parents react to such circumstances? -
ChiefKiasu:
ks2me:
This is truly a \"wake up\" call for kiasuism. It is apt to say that we can be kiasu about so many things but forget to be kiasi until things happen...
Umm... on this account, I beg to differ. I don't think parenting or kiasuism has anything to do with what happened. It's quite plain to me that the guy was devastated and embarrassed at having lost his scholarship (for reasons we have yet to understand), and may be trying to get back at the person or system that he felt was responsible for his problems. He did not share with his parents because he did not want them to worry or felt his problem was beyond their help. He could not see a future for himself and therefore did what he did.
The root of the problem is actually his addiction to computer games. If his parents have done something about his addiction, then they would have saved his life.
Everyone may think that a young adult over 20 years old will be able to control himself and stop playing computer games when he has to study.
I was addicted to computer games during my university days. I spent long hours playing the games, even the night before the exam. When I tried to study, my brain was so tired, and my heart was still itching to play the games. I could not control myself. I went from A grades to E grades.
I regretted deeply when I could not find a job for more than half a year after I graduated, while my classmates with good results found jobs very quickly.
I wish that someone could have just taken away the computer from me right at the beginning. Back then computers were not needed for studying.
I see the same thing happening to my young adult students now. They need their computers when they study, and that makes things worst. It is so easy to switch from school work to computer games.
Parents should do what is necessary for their kids, even though it may be drastic. -
I wonder how much influence does computer games have on the suicide of the 2 boys who jumped down so that they could be \"slayers\" during World War III? '
Or this is what the media wants us to believe?
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jedamum:
Nothing in particular.
and your point is?kiasikiasu:
Well, the fact that this very website exists, is testament to the fact that you yourself are already a part of the flock. Welcome to Singapore.
Re-living some exchanges (or whatever that's left) from the troll. -
Latest news today.
\"FORTY-EIGHT young persons under 21 years old committed suicide over the last three years. Fourteen took their own lives in 2008, 19 in 2007 and 15 in 2006.\"
Life is so stress???
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tamarind:
Family support is very important even though our children have been growing up. Parenthood is life time JOB. I think we parent can only relax and hands off for our children when we have grandchildren. But by that time we will start to worry for grandchildren. Haha... no ending JOB!
The root of the problem is actually his addiction to computer games. If his parents have done something about his addiction, then they would have saved his life.
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I see the same thing happening to my young adult students now. They need their computers when they study, and that makes things worst. It is so easy to switch from school work to computer games.
Parents should do what is necessary for their kids, even though it may be drastic.
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