Kiasu society--> kiasu child--> death & tragedy

[sashimi]

Since it's my sentence, I ought to say something. It's just a word, \"kiasu\" and it's just me and my literature degree talking in puns, perhaps inappropriately, pls forgive me.


The essence is exactly what you all have said: the young man lost (for what reason that's not important), and instead of picking himself up and finding a proper resolution, he decided that it was The End, he did not wish to go on anymore, and he wanted to exact revenge (for what reason I do not know). He lacked as ks2me said, tenacity.

Beyond this, I will not speculate. There is still too much that we do not know and the authorities do not seem to be saying. In fact, we should not speculate further for the sake of the poor parents.

The reason why I brought up kiasuism is not that the young man is kiasu, but that as parents WE could be - WE (i.e the parents) are afraid that our children will \"su\" in life, so we overload them with enrichment courses, insist that they maintain top grades, we even put all kinds of scientific labels on their learning \"deficiencies\" when they are simply still growing up, so that we can seek profe$$ional help instead of teaching them ourselves, etc. so simply that we can treat them as trophies.

While this is in fact a perfectly natural thing to do that parents have done for generations, the problem here is that in today's world, it's gone overboard. Proof that it's gone overboard: this case, previous cases around the world, and future cases.

Chief you are in fact right in one point - the young man did not know how to lose. But I didn't mean to say that he was kiasu/afraid to lose (though we can also argue that) - I was in fact saying that parents today must be careful if we are to have a kiasu attitude in bringing up our kids. If you want your kid to be no.1 you also have to make sure the child does not grow up into a person who cannot accept defeat gracefully.

[pinky]

I agreed with many of the comments mentioned earlier. I think we should

equip ourselves and our children the ability to accept failure and stress and how to overcome obstacles and adversity.
The pressure to succeed and to excel is so great that we lost our tolerance for failures and treat it
as though it is the end of the world and all hopes are lost.
My definition of kiasu is cannot accept loss and failure and as long as the
expectations are there, there will not be an end to such tragedies. This
NTU case is not the first and surely will not be the last.

[sesame]

insider:

Are you that type who:


1.\trun to your child the moment you see him/her fall (down on the floor) that with common sense, you know that it’s nothing major (though can be painful)?

2.\ttie his shoelaces / spoon feed him / button his shirts / etc when you see he is struggling to do on his own?

3.\tgo to the school to speak to the teacher/principal/etc the moment you hear him talking about he was bullied in school?

4.\tgo to the school to bargain for mark when you realize that your child’s teacher made a mistake by marking a 1 or 2 marks question as wrong instead of correct?

5. go to the school once you know that the teacher raised her voice at him and you feel that his self-esteem is 'bruised'?

6.\tsend your child to tuition so that he can be ahead of his teacher in syllabus?

7.\thelp your child to do his homework even he didn't ask for it?

8.\tensure that your child is fully occupied every moment of his waking hours?

If the answers to the above are mostly ‘Yes’, then your child is unlikely to be independent intellectually/emotionally. The problem does not lie with him, it lies with the parents who are overly protective / kiasu…

Partial guilty of point 3... For that moment, I feel like strangling the bully.... but as my girl is still young, I thot the bully was more on teasing lah... so I left it as that and advise my girl to tell the teacher if it happens again but she has told me \"sometimes teacher tell me just don't care abt him...\"

just wondering from your POV, how should parents react to such circumstances?

[tamarind]

ChiefKiasu:

ks2me:

This is truly a \"wake up\" call for kiasuism. It is apt to say that we can be kiasu about so many things but forget to be kiasi until things happen...

Umm... on this account, I beg to differ. I don't think parenting or kiasuism has anything to do with what happened. It's quite plain to me that the guy was devastated and embarrassed at having lost his scholarship (for reasons we have yet to understand), and may be trying to get back at the person or system that he felt was responsible for his problems. He did not share with his parents because he did not want them to worry or felt his problem was beyond their help. He could not see a future for himself and therefore did what he did.

The root of the problem is actually his addiction to computer games. If his parents have done something about his addiction, then they would have saved his life.

Everyone may think that a young adult over 20 years old will be able to control himself and stop playing computer games when he has to study.

I was addicted to computer games during my university days. I spent long hours playing the games, even the night before the exam. When I tried to study, my brain was so tired, and my heart was still itching to play the games. I could not control myself. I went from A grades to E grades.

I regretted deeply when I could not find a job for more than half a year after I graduated, while my classmates with good results found jobs very quickly.

I wish that someone could have just taken away the computer from me right at the beginning. Back then computers were not needed for studying.

I see the same thing happening to my young adult students now. They need their computers when they study, and that makes things worst. It is so easy to switch from school work to computer games.

Parents should do what is necessary for their kids, even though it may be drastic.

[ZacK]

I wonder how much influence does computer games have on the suicide of the 2 boys who jumped down so that they could be \"slayers\" during World War III? '


Or this is what the media wants us to believe?

:?

[winth]

jedamum:

kiasikiasu:

Well, the fact that this very website exists, is testament to the fact that you yourself are already a part of the flock. Welcome to Singapore.

and your point is?

Nothing in particular.

Re-living some exchanges (or whatever that's left) from the troll.

[BlurBee]

Latest news today.

\"FORTY-EIGHT young persons under 21 years old committed suicide over the last three years. Fourteen took their own lives in 2008, 19 in 2007 and 15 in 2006.\"

Life is so stress???

[Funguy71]

tamarind:

The root of the problem is actually his addiction to computer games. If his parents have done something about his addiction, then they would have saved his life.
....

I see the same thing happening to my young adult students now. They need their computers when they study, and that makes things worst. It is so easy to switch from school work to computer games.

Parents should do what is necessary for their kids, even though it may be drastic.

Family support is very important even though our children have been growing up. Parenthood is life time JOB. I think we parent can only relax and hands off for our children when we have grandchildren. But by that time we will start to worry for grandchildren. Haha... no ending JOB!

[tamarind]

zack:

I wonder how much influence does computer games have on the suicide of the 2 boys who jumped down so that they could be \"slayers\" during World War III? '


Or this is what the media wants us to believe?

Peer pressure definitely plays a bigger role here. The violence in the games make the boys think that death is glorious, and that there is nothing to be afraid of, until they face death in reality.
IMHO boys mature slower than girls, parents must pay more attention to boys !

Funguy71:

Family support is very important even though our children have been growing up. Parenthood is life time JOB. I think we parent can only relax and hands off for our children when we have grandchildren. But by that time we will start to worry for grandchildren. Haha... no ending JOB!

I agree that parenting is a no ending job !

I can imagine myself sitting beside my kids as they study in front of their computer, even when they are over 20 years old ! It may sound drastic, but once the kids are addicted to games, it is very difficult to take the games away from them. They can pretend to be studying, then once you walk away, they will switch to games. When they sense that you are nearby, they immediately switch back to studying. This is exactly what my young adult students are doing in classes.

I tell myself that I can relax after my kids graduate from university. After they get their degrees, they can play computer games all day and all night if they want. I am not going to care. They can learn their lesson when they lose their jobs. They can always find another job and start all over again. But studying is different. If they fail a subject in university, they are going to have problem finding jobs in the first place.

[ZacK]

tamarind:

Peer pressure definitely plays a bigger role here. The violence in the games make the boys think that death is glorious, and that there is nothing to be afraid of, until they face death in reality.

IMHO boys mature slower than girls, parents must pay more attention to boys !

I am sad, being a parent, that lives are lost like that... It's not that they had no choice, in fact thru some warped theory that one of them concocted... They decided that death is glorious.

I guess the take away for me from this lesson, parents must be aware of who their kids hang out with (not to the extent of making them feel that they are being tied-down); getting to know their friends; inviting the friends to come over to our house on occasions etc... Most importantly for parents to be \"friends\" with our kids so that they will not be inhibited from sharing what they do with us.

Not always easy (DS1 at his age of 6 already knows how to filter what he tells us and what not to tell us :roll: ) but certainly something that all parents need to work towards.

IMO