Asian Mums are more SUPERIOR?

[kohhweelin.010441gmail.010441com]

insider:

I am constantly aware of the differences in their learning styles, temperaments, etc, and I know their strengths and weaknesses. It's only if those teachers could be kinder not to let my son feel so inferior and small and shamed, esp in front of the whole class of other children... (I didn't visit the school to protest for such nasty comparison. I told my son that though academically he is nowhere close to his sister who has photographic memory, he does have several qualities that his ultra stable sister does not have and he should always feel good about himself and discount those words that were meant to put him down though they were meant to be with good intentions. ).

Children are wonderful...

Thanks insider. I am aware of people's reactions towards my two girls. It doesn't help when dd1 outshines her. That's why I have a soft spot for my dd2. I will remind others of dd2's sweet nature. I guess being the middle-child, she has learnt to be more sensitive, and constantly aware of her surroundings in order not to make the same mistakes made by her sisters. She is also more independent, as she would prepare the stuff her Kindy teacher told her to bring to school for show-and-tell herself. After she had found the stuff, then she'll inform me. Dd1 depended on me to prepare for her when she was in Kindy. Now, at times, she still does that. She'll say I am busy, can you help me look for...First-borns do have their privileges.

Chenonceau:

It may be premature to conclude that DD2 is inferior to DD1 on the points you mentioned? It is even more important to steel yourself to have faith and to believe in DD2 simply because you probably naturally don't as yet.

It was a struggle for me to keep believing in Little Boy.

You are right. Everytime dd2 doesn't seem to know the stuff dd1 already figured out at her age, I will feel a little exasperated. If I don't get fast responses from her, I will start thinking negatively on what could have gone wrong with my approach or is there a disability in dd2? Is she dyslexic? Is she hyperactive? She doesn't seem as \"settled\" as dd1. At times, like your Little Boy, she'll make similar comments like, \"I am thinking.\" or \"Let me think.\" However, I noticed that although she started speaking slower, she is the most expressive now. She outtalks dd1 in both languages. Dd1 was only fluent in mandarin at her age because she was under the care of grandparents. She picked up English only at about 4 plus after I stopped work. Perhaps, I got anxious seeing that dd2 seemed less focused, so I started working with her earlier as compared to dd1. Although she's making babysteps progress, but I guess I'll have to also watch my pace so that I don't cause her to lose interest. Most importantly, she has to enjoy the learning process. Thanks again for your sharing.

[bets81]

As I read the article posed by the TS, I cant stop but ask myself, "Are we becoming more like western parents?"…


Some parents are following advise from western experts and some western nanny programs… Some of us are not bringing up our chlid like how we are brought up anymore

[rosemummy]

As I think through this article, I begin to also look at the difference between my American friends, both Asian and the white.


The Asians, particularly those who migrated to the US in their childhood, or 1st generation to be born there, tends to be more driven and do better in school. Many of the Asians, be they Chinese, Korean or Vietnamese, went to top unis (though not necessarily the Ivies due to the cost). They do well at work and are good employees. The whites are generally more laid back, more outspoken and confident. They also enjoy sports.

Despite being academically superior, we rarely see any Asians who are successful entrepreneurs or hold C-level positions at big MNCs. We see many Asians doing very well in piano and violin at a young age, but not many are world renown musicians as adults. I can’t think of any really successful entrepreneurs apart from Yahoo’s Jerry Yang and YouTube’s Steve Chen, both of whom were from Taiwan and went to US as a boy. For top positions in big MNCs, I can only think of Nelson Chai (former CFO of Merrill Lynch), a US born Korean. For politicians, I can only think of Elaine Chao (Labour Secretary in George Bush’s cabinet). On the other hand, we see most leadership positions held by the whites (though increasingly, we’re seeing more Indians). The most successful entrepreneurs are also predominantly white.

I suppose how we bring up a child does make a difference to what they become in adulthood. The method a parent uses really depends on the child’s temperament and inclinations and how much the parents can let go. There’s nothing wrong in either outcomes. But Amy Chua’s method is unlikely to bring up an entrepreneur (though a child brought up under such circumstances may develop a rebellious streak and turn entrepreneurial). But then again, there’s nothing wrong in being a mid-level employee with a comfortable pay check. We don’t need to raise an entrepreneur or CEO.

But I think there may be some value in looking at how the Taiwanese and Koreans raise their kids. They’re amongst the most entreprenerial amongst the Asians (not just in US, but also in their home country) and are also filial and respectful towards their parents. 1 of my daughter’s friend, a Korean boy, told me, to them, their father in like God. Such is the profound respect a Korean child has for his parent.

At the end of the day, more than getting the grades or qualification, I feel that the best thing a parent can do for their children is to help them discover their interests, strengths and weaknesses so they can end up pursuing what they enjoy and can excel in. It’ll be really sad if they got pushed into doing something they have no interest in when they could have excel in something else.

[toddles]

Just for laughs, see this girl's satirical take on Tiger Mummy's article.


http://shanghaishiok.com/2011/01/14/why-chinese-girlfriends-are-superior/

I'm not a practioner of any of the habits she describes, but I sure know girlfriends who are!

[sleepy]

toddles:

Just for laughs, see this girl's satirical take on Tiger Mummy's article.


http://shanghaishiok.com/2011/01/14/why-chinese-girlfriends-are-superior/

:rotflmao:

[snowman.022851697]

Just my 2 cents… I believe that if you are forced into doing sth that you aren’t interested, it is not possible to give your best. Although mrs chua may think she knows the best for her child, let her daughters have a say too, then they can come to an agreement. Forcing a child to do what u want them to do because u think it’s the best might give excellent results at the beginning, but if the child isn’t interested in it, how do you continue all the way past adulthood and beyond?

[3Boys]

snowman.697:

Just my 2 cents... I believe that if you are forced into doing sth that you aren't interested, it is not possible to give your best. Although mrs chua may think she knows the best for her child, let her daughters have a say too, then they can come to an agreement. Forcing a child to do what u want them to do because u think it's the best might give excellent results at the beginning, but if the child isn't interested in it, how do you continue all the way past adulthood and beyond?

But if you never tried, and gave up at the first hint of adversity, how do you excel at anything? If its worth doing, for sure it will be tough.

[3Boys]

I think the incidence of people who have been molded and pushed to be high achievers by their parents, and feeling empty and resentful because of it, is grossly overstated. Of course, achievement is not the sole oute to happiness, so one should not overdo it, but that should not be an excuse to take a lax attitude.


I have friends across the spectrum, but generally they are amongst professionals and managers, some whom are really high achievers. I have yet to hear one of them say they are happy to give up their positions or curse their parents for pushing them to where they are. On the other hand, I do have a friend, who is not doing well career wise, who regrets the lack of focus and discipline in his younger school days. And my own father, who despite living in deep poverty, made it as far as ‘A’ levels back then, but no further, as my grandparents had no further aspirations for him beyond that point and did not push him to take on a degree course. He has regretted and been resentful of this for over 40 years. He could have done better, if my grandparents had pushed him…

So I say, be the parent, don’t be fearful of offending your kids or making them suffer the effort and exertion of excelling. No great achievement was ever accomplished by just doing what one feels like doing. If I did what I felt like doing back in ‘A’ levels, it would have been a disaster, and no way could I have been more happy or fulfilled than I am today. Even in young adulthood, my parents never stopped pushing me to work hard, take some risks and excel. In some areas I did, and in some I did not, but I have nothing but respect and gratitude to them for caring and taking the time. And I can only do my best by doing the same for my children.

[2ppaamm]

insider:

went to Chiang Mai with my kids and watched elephant show.


those elephants can dance and train them well enough some even can do painting.

but is it the nature of elephants to dance and paint?

are the elephants happy even though they are always rewarded with bananas / carrots / etc.

some of us training kids like those people training elephants...

It is easy to just let the tv do the baby sitting, harder to sit down to work on a piano piece with the child, even harder to learn the piece first and then play it with her. But the hardest will be to discuss with her what she wants to play and achieve that together.

It is easy to pretend the child is not fat, she wil lose the weight when she is embarrassed one day. HArder to call her a fatty and go shape up. Harder still to help her plan a diet plan that works. Even harder to plan a culinary class together where both of you learn some good skills and bond and get healthier together.

It is easy to look at her B and tell her you love her anyway and hide on the pretext of not wanting to hurt her self esteem. Harder to tell her she had been lazy and should have gotten better grades,then pile up assessment books. Even harder to spend time and go through the paper and find out what she did not understand, buy some self help books together and plan a study plan together, reflect upon what she did right and wrong and plan better in future. If the subject is difficult for her, even dare to make the decision to help her drop it and pursue something that will set her up for success.

It is therefore much easier to produce a great piano prodigy who can play, much harder to produce a brilliant composer. It is easier to hothouse a mathematician, never an artist. It is easy drag young bodies and train them to be age group champions, but they'll never be olympians.

What's lacking in a tiger mother?instilling passion, ownership, discovering talents and interests. Such a pity, maybe Lulu would have been Celine Dion?! :evil:

[3Boys]

2ppaamm:

insider:

went to Chiang Mai with my kids and watched elephant show.


those elephants can dance and train them well enough some even can do painting.

but is it the nature of elephants to dance and paint?

are the elephants happy even though they are always rewarded with bananas / carrots / etc.

some of us training kids like those people training elephants...

It is easy to just let the tv do the baby sitting, harder to sit down to work on a piano piece with the child, even harder to learn the piece first and then play it with her. But the hardest will be to discuss with her what she wants to play and achieve that together.

It is easy to pretend the child is not fat, she wil lose the weight when she is embarrassed one day. HArder to call her a fatty and go shape up. Harder still to help her plan a diet plan that works. Even harder to plan a culinary class together where both of you learn some good skills and bond and get healthier together.

It is easy to look at her B and tell her you love her anyway and hide on the pretext of not wanting to hurt her self esteem. Harder to tell her she had been lazy and should have gotten better grades,then pile up assessment books. Even harder to spend time and go through the paper and find out what she did not understand, buy some self help books together and plan a study plan together, reflect upon what she did right and wrong and plan better in future. If the subject is difficult for her, even dare to make the decision to help her drop it and pursue something that will set her up for success.

It is therefore much easier to produce a great piano prodigy who can play, much harder to produce a brilliant composer. It is easier to hothouse a mathematician, never an artist. It is easy drag young bodies and train them to be age group champions, but they'll never be olympians.

What's lacking in a tiger mother?instilling passion, ownership, discovering talents and interests. Such a pity, maybe Lulu would have been Celine Dion?! :evil:

Either way, the road to success, be at the super level, or less so, requires love, involvement and intervention. Is it so clear cut from one level to the next? If a mother does not have the wherewithal to even sit down and play the piano with the daughter, what chance has she to go the extra step and be the holistic developer?

I dare say the age group champions are the future Olympians. For every Andrea Jaeger and Jennifer Capriati, there are many Venus Williams and Kim Clijsters. Trained from young, groomed from the time they walked, and pushed hard everyday, tired or not, interested or not. Excellence comes from setting high standards, and driving towards them. Are they unhappy? Ask in 5 years when they have retired to their Miami Beach villa.

I think we have been unnecessarily harsh on the Tiger mother. We infer characteristics from a short newspaper article. She does not instil passion or ownership, or develop talent? I beg to differ in the interpretation. She saw the talent and cared enough to be the bad guy, to be the one who takes the brickbats and hostile stares, so that it does not get extinguished in a sea of mediocrity, that's my read.