Asian Mums are more SUPERIOR?
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schweppes:
True.
To some, it'll be for the good of the child. To others, maybe for bragging rights?? :idea:2ppaamm:
In Singapore, the parents go straight for medals, perhaps for DSA etc. Not sure what the purpose is. There are many concerns raised at the national level about the quality of our matured athletes. In certain sports, we train fantastic aged group athletes but at the Olympic levels, they do not shine at all. If you visit one or two aged group meets, even at the world level, you will see what I mean. U-12, our girls and boys will snatch a large number of medals. But at Olympics, they'll dwindle to nothingness. -
2ppaamm:
I suppose the mantra they subscribe to is No pain, no glory.
ijtoh:
So they're being over-trained to peak before 12. I suppose DSA is a factor in that. Sad. What sort of long term injuries are these young sports people at risk of?
I actually don't know as I'm not an expert in this field. But all I know is that both western and far eastern concept is contrary to what we are practising, out of a good parental will, I supposed. Remember, even in China, the kids leave their home to be with their coaches so parents hv very little say in their training methodology. Here, it is very different. -
jtoh:
Actually, I'm really not sure why it is like that. This is again, the difficulty of being a parent.
I suppose the mantra they subscribe to is No pain, no glory.
You have this precious child. You want to maximize his potential. So you put him in this vigorous training (that every goodwilled parent in the club does anyway), and you don't know what is the best. Every parent is clamoring for more training, you just join in the crowd. You don't ask any more question. When the kid does not perform, you put in more hours, like a Tiger mum would ensure his child would. After all, you must help your child maximize his potential. If the more hours is still not good enough for the medal, you do even more.
No time to sit down and ask if much is too much, you know nothing about injury as a parent. The coaches won't tell you either, because if they tell you, you curse and switch club (except for very few). They know you want results, so they pump the child further. The vicious cycle goes on and on. Some luckier ones, (like my son) have a lazier and busier mum who did not have time to bring them to train 11 times or 14 times a week . But somehow, he made it. By the time we find out that what young athletes have done wrong, the damage is already done, this is because only at the elite level do they analyze and focus on the talents. By then, many would have been 'wasted'. This cycle goes on and on.
I think DSA has a part to play. If you have been driving your kid everyday to train, then he'd better get a place through DSA. Afterall, you rationalize, it will take the pressure off PSLE. So the kid train even harder. Those who make it rejoice and train even harder in Sec school (at 13 hard training is now encouraged), but those who don't make the DSA will likely switch sport at this point - damage already done. Many kid are burnt out (whether or not he made it through DSA) or he will not return to the sport ever again. We would have lost many talents.
I watch this day in and day out. I sit with parents of young athletes and laugh with them and rejoice with them when their children perform. But would I dare tell them they have over trained their kids? No way! They'd think that I am some kind of alien or I am jealous. Better shut up and just enjoy their company. Deep inside, I pity the child. -
Blobbi wrote:
You can't over-water a plant in the hopes that it will develop faster.
Could not agree more.
Sometimes I look at my children and wish they grow up faster but then when I look at other children (infants) I suddenly miss their baby stage...
I suppose this is an endless debatable thread and posting more links to interesting articles or videos will help us decide better how to manage nurture our children! Thanks to those mummies who did.
Mamalicious Alicia -
The Message Mamalicious Alicia is quite true... one can never over-water the plant in the hopes it will grow faster...
Honestly parents just need to honor their sense and guide their children through life- responsibility- then life will be a chore? The fact is that one has to see their child as part of them... I think that helps to ease esp during emotional rage, anger...
Catch this interesting vid on done by our local Temasek Poly students:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E77VNcNGTIM&feature=related -
sometimes, i feel being parents in our times is so much stressful than our parents time due to too much resources to refer to until we ourselves get confuse at which style to follow and all try to stretch our child more and more…
our parents just brought us up in a very relax way and we all grew up just fine…
ultimately, we want our kids to be happy, have a memorable childhood that filled with play and fun… just like ours… hopefully our kids wont remember their childhood with enrichment class after enrichment class… mummy scolding cos cant do certain maths equation…
so, we judge ourselves how we want our kids’ childhood to be ! -
Brilliant!
What else do we need? -
Lance G. King:
Relax, and go for a picnic this weekend. Take a break and tell them results is not the most important thing in the world. They are.Brilliant!
What else do we need? -
insider:
This article is nuts. Somehow makes me want to slap that mother of Sophia. :mad:Reading the below with great amusement...
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
Can a regimen of no playdates, no TV, no computer games and hours of music practice create happy kids? And what happens when they fight back?
by Amy Chua
A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.
I'm using the term \"Chinese mother\" loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term \"Western parents\" loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.
All the same, even when Western parents think they're being strict, they usually don't come close to being Chinese mothers. For example, my Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough.
Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that \"stressing academic success is not good for children\" or that \"parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.\" By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be \"the best\" students, that \"academic achievement reflects successful parenting,\" and that if children did not excel at school then there was \"a problem\" and parents \"were not doing their job.\" Other studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams.
When it comes to parenting, the Chinese seem to produce children who display academic excellence, musical mastery and professional success - or so the stereotype goes. WSJ's Christina Tsuei speaks to two moms raised by Chinese immigrants who share what it was like growing up and how they hope to raise their children.
What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.
Chinese parents can get away with things that Western parents can't. Once when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me \"garbage\" in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage.
As an adult, I once did the same thing to Sophia, calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectfully toward me. When I mentioned that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave early. My friend Susan, the host, tried to rehabilitate me with the remaining guests.
The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable—even legally actionable—to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, \"Hey fatty—lose some weight.\" By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of \"health\" and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image. (I also once heard a Western father toast his adult daughter by calling her \"beautiful and incredibly competent.\" She later told me that made her feel like garbage.)
Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, \"You're lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you.\" By contrast, Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement, and try to persuade themselves that they're not disappointed about how their kids turned out.
I've thought long and hard about how Chinese parents can get away with what they do. I think there are three big differences between the Chinese and Western parental mind-sets.
First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.
For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong. If the child comes home with a B on the test, some Western parents will still praise the child. Other Western parents will sit their child down and express disapproval, but they will be careful not to make their child feel inadequate or insecure, and they will not call their child \"stupid,\" \"worthless\" or \"a disgrace.\" Privately, the Western parents may worry that their child does not test well or have aptitude in the subject or that there is something wrong with the curriculum and possibly the whole school. If the child's grades do not improve, they may eventually schedule a meeting with the school principal to challenge the way the subject is being taught or to call into question the teacher's credentials.
If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen—there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A.
Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the home.)
Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.
By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. \"Children don't choose their parents,\" he once said to me. \"They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids.\" This strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent.
Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleepaway camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, \"I got a part in the school play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends.\" God help any Chinese kid who tried that one.
Don't get me wrong: It's not that Chinese parents don't care about their children. Just the opposite. They would give up anything for their children. It's just an entirely different parenting model.
Here's a story in favor of coercion, Chinese-style. Lulu was about 7, still playing two instruments, and working on a piano piece called \"The Little White Donkey\" by the French composer Jacques Ibert. The piece is really cute—you can just imagine a little donkey ambling along a country road with its master—but it's also incredibly difficult for young players because the two hands have to keep schizophrenically different rhythms.
Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up and stomped off.
\"Get back to the piano now,\" I ordered.
\"You can't make me.\"
\"Oh yes, I can.\"
Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have \"The Little White Donkey\" perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, \"I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?\" I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.
Jed took me aside. He told me to stop insulting Lulu—which I wasn't even doing, I was just motivating her—and that he didn't think threatening Lulu was helpful. Also, he said, maybe Lulu really just couldn't do the technique—perhaps she didn't have the coordination yet—had I considered that possibility?
\"You just don't believe in her,\" I accused.
\"That's ridiculous,\" Jed said scornfully. \"Of course I do.\"
\"Sophia could play the piece when she was this age.\"
\"But Lulu and Sophia are different people,\" Jed pointed out.
\"Oh no, not this,\" I said, rolling my eyes. \"Everyone is special in their special own way,\" I mimicked sarcastically. \"Even losers are special in their own special way. Well don't worry, you don't have to lift a finger. I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games.\"
I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn't let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling, but still there seemed to be only negative progress, and even I began to have doubts.
Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together—her right and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thing—just like that.
Lulu realized it the same time I did. I held my breath. She tried it tentatively again. Then she played it more confidently and faster, and still the rhythm held. A moment later, she was beaming.
\"Mommy, look—it's easy!\" After that, she wanted to play the piece over and over and wouldn't leave the piano. That night, she came to sleep in my bed, and we snuggled and hugged, cracking each other up. When she performed \"The Little White Donkey\" at a recital a few weeks later, parents came up to me and said, \"What a perfect piece for Lulu—it's so spunky and so her.\"
Even Jed gave me credit for that one. Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't.
There are all these new books out there portraying Asian mothers as scheming, callous, overdriven people indifferent to their kids' true interests. For their part, many Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly. I think it's a misunderstanding on both sides. All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.
Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.
Source and replies of the above post from:
http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_political/7512702.html?page=2#comments
Everything also want A? No computer games and television? :whut:
That Sophia is seriously deprived of her childhood because of such expectations.
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