How to tell if a child is gifted?

[kylene]

Hi Chenonceau,


thank you for your reply. do you mind joining me in this thread I started ?
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=18671

thanks

[mosster]

Chenonceau,

I cannot thank you enough for your invaluable advice! Really sorry this reply comes so delayed, but it comes with my heartfelt thanks! So many nuggets of wisdom to keep in mind. Your son is very blessed to have you as his mum! What you say makes so so much sense.
[quote] Don't intervene directly either. When he grows up, you won't be there to protect him. He needs to learn to manage. Give him suggestions/resources/words/ skills to deal with it. This will give him confidence. And every day after school, ask about school... invariably, emotion scenarios will come out. Talk them through. The following structure is a guide:

- What happened (in detail)?
- How did YOU feel (one component of emotional intelligence is to be aware of one's own emotions, and be able to describe them)?
- How did the other person feel (another component of EQ is understanding another's emotions)
- What could you have done to make yourself feel better?
- What could you have done to make the other feel better? [/quote]This is a great structure that I applied straight away today this evening. I had lost my temper (sigh) at DS1 for dilly dallying over his dinner and he burst into tears at the end of it. So, I went through the scenario with him during bedtime and asked him what he thought I felt, and how he felt. He could tell me \"mummy was angry\", and he felt \"sad... angry\". I didn't ask him what he could have done to make things better, but told him what I thought he could have done instead that would have made things better. In the end, we made a pact (hope he understands!) what both he and I could both do to avoid the evening's scenario.
[quote]I notice that Little Boy copes with unpleasant feelings by ignoring them. When he was stressed over exams, he spent the better part of the day forcing himself to be happy. However, when he found that he couldn't regulate his feelings that way, he came to me. He came to me because he and I have had a long history of me bringing emotional calm and healing back to his heart. [/quote]I can imagine my DS1 being just like that. He likes to be happy and for everybody to be happy but he has a tendency to be denial over things that he doesn't like. I hope I can learn to bring emotional calm and healing to DS1's heart too, and not, with my own temper, cause him more distress! Truly, to give something, one must already have it to give it. I can sense the years of \"emotional training\" you have, even in the way you think/speak, e.g. regulating emotions, and it hits me that I have to train myself in order to train him.
[quote]However, it CAN be done. It IS possible to bring a child with inherently low EQ to high enough levels of competence in emotion and social management.... he will be able to function as a well-balanced adult.[/quote]

I really hope so. Thank you for your encouragement! I hope I have it in me to be able to do for DS1 what he needs. I have absolutely no formal training in emotional/social management.. at times like these, I wonder if I should have taken up a different discipline in school!

By the way, how did you know when your son was ready to start school? My hubby just gave me an ultimatum that no matter what, DS1 HAS to start school by 4 yrs old.

phankao,
Thank you! I'll take a look there!

[Chenonceau]

mosster:

I really hope so. Thank you for your encouragement! I hope I have it in me to be able to do for DS1 what he needs. I have absolutely no formal training in emotional/social management.. at times like these, I wonder if I should have taken up a different discipline in school!

By the way, how did you know when your son was ready to start school? My hubby just gave me an ultimatum that no matter what, DS1 HAS to start school by 4 yrs old.

I didn't have formal training in emotion management either... I think that once you are aware of his need here, you'll manage fine? Do remember to talk him through preschool scenarios before you put him in, yeah?

Little Boy went in at 4.5 years. I guess at the very latest, he should attend all of K2 at least? You could try putting him in a twice a week 1.5hrs playgroup that allows parents to attend. Here is what I did with my older one http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2011/01/crying-in-preschool.html .

[mosster]

What a great blog you have! You are a really great mum, super fun too. Thanks! Glad to be able to read more of your other interesting thoughts too!


It’s so amazing how rare parent-accompanied classes for 3-4 year olds are in Singapore. Most insist that the child should be old enough to attend without their parents. I’m been sending DS1 to a once a week, 1hr one which I managed to find.

Er… I hope I don’t sound too stupid when I ask, by preschool scenarios, are you referring to what to expect in school with teacher and other kids, e.g. learning time behaviour, expected playground behaviour? if other kids push him in the playground behaviour? I can be kiasu (finally fitting into this website) and do all the possible scenarios I can think of…

[pingsped]

Chenonceau:

Little Boy went in at 4.5 years. I guess at the very latest, he should attend all of K2 at least? You could try putting him in a twice a week 1.5hrs playgroup that allows parents to attend. Here is what I did with my older one http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2011/01/crying-in-preschool.html .

Hi Chenonceau

Read your blog entry abt \"throw her away\". so funny. You should consider acting. Better don't let your girl read yr blog!

mosster

You can search for lessons at small ctr, esp home-based ones. You can probably stay put throughout. I've seen some art/lapbooking lessons before but can't find the link.

If you let him mix around other kids regularly, your boy should mature sufficiently by 4+. It's a developmental thing. After 5 yrs old, most kids don't shed tears in school for long. They may not enjoy school but that's about it.

Playdates
It's good to play with both good and playful kids in small groups of 4-6 kids so that he has an idea of group social interaction, both pleasant and unpleasant feelings. When school starts, he won't feel as intimidated or lost as he can recognise those feelings. Some kids may learn how to defend or respond. If adults keep intervening, some kids may never learn how to \"deal\" with other children and unpleasant situations. The point is we're trying to re-create authentic childhood and preschool settings \"under controlled conditions\". This is what I usu do for my social skills classes for special needs kids. I'm also doing for my girl. hee...

Time spent at playgrounds doesn't count as there's limited verbal interaction.

[Chenonceau]

mosster:

What a great blog you have! You are a really great mum, super fun too. Thanks! Glad to be able to read more of your other interesting thoughts too!


It's so amazing how rare parent-accompanied classes for 3-4 year olds are in Singapore. Most insist that the child should be old enough to attend without their parents. I'm been sending DS1 to a once a week, 1hr one which I managed to find.

Er.. I hope I don't sound too stupid when I ask, by preschool scenarios, are you referring to what to expect in school with teacher and other kids, e.g. learning time behaviour, expected playground behaviour? if other kids push him in the playground behaviour? I can be kiasu (finally fitting into this website) and do all the possible scenarios I can think of....

Ehhhh... anything you can think of lor... and get the books with written scenarios meant for Asperger's Syndrome kids... those are a great help EVEN IF your kid has no Asperger's Syndrome. Kids with Asperger's have very high IQ but need to be taught socio-emotional survival skills for the playground. There are books with scenarios to help you but I don't have them anymore, and cannot remember the authors. Bill Gates has Asperger's Syndrome.

Little Boy is P5. It has been years, and I must have left them all in the US when we came home.

[Chenonceau]

pingsped:

Read your blog entry abt \"throw her away\". so funny. You should consider acting. Better don't let your girl read yr blog!

If you let him mix around other kids regularly, your boy should mature sufficiently by 4+. It's a developmental thing. After 5 yrs old, most kids don't shed tears in school for long. They may not enjoy school but that's about it.

Playdates
It's good to play with both good and playful kids in small groups of 4-6 kids so that he has an idea of group social interaction, both pleasant and unpleasant feelings. When school starts, he won't feel as intimidated or lost as he can recognise those feelings. Some kids may learn how to defend or respond. If adults keep intervening, some kids may never learn how to \"deal\" with other children and unpleasant situations. The point is we're trying to re-create authentic childhood and preschool settings \"under controlled conditions\". This is what I usu do for my social skills classes for special needs kids. I'm also doing for my girl. hee...

Time spent at playgrounds doesn't count as there's limited verbal interaction.

pingsped... teehee... my girl reads all the posts. She wanna make sure I don't blog about the REALLY sensitive stuff (y'know... at the moment... boyfriends and puberty). Actually my blogposts bring my family closer together somehow.

mosster... yup I agree with pingsped that playgroups in small doses will help provided that you can refrain from intervening too much.

[pingsped]

Chenonceau:

pingsped... teehee... my girl reads all the posts. She wanna make sure I don't blog about the REALLY sensitive stuff (y'know... at the moment... boyfriends and puberty). Actually my blogposts bring my family closer together somehow.

We're strange. You read books for asperger syndrome to help your boy. I read books for ADHD and problem-solving to teach for kids w ASD and asperger.

So yr girl is the editor/censor. yes, bf/gf is very sensitive. The posts r very sunny. It's great that they can laugh at themselves

[Timtams]

-deleted-

[Baby_May_09]

Hi ping sped and others,

Count my boy in for the play dates too. My boy is 21+month old and I would like him to interact more with other kids as I feel that social skill is very important.