Smart but lazy?

[Mamalicious Alicia]

Hi Mummies,


My husband and i attended a talk on the topic,
‘Giving your child the excellence edge’ by Joshua Ng.

Speaker is very funny. His children have all grown up, so we felt that the talk was better for 6yrs and above parents. But we did take home some very good points he brought up.

1) Character flaw.
Which i think is the topic we are discussing now. He mention how he expected a student of his (secondary level) to excel in all his subjects but did not. He found out that the boy was playing computer games once he reach home till the next day. So it is this flaw that prevents him from maximising his full potential.

If he thinks that his children are smart, then he expects full marks for spelling. Only if they are dyslexic then they will be excused.

2) Raising a quality child
Expect quality in their work they produce. His analogy was mac donalds french fries. We all like good fresh french fries, and not the sloggy ones, so if we were to instill in our children to aim for good quality work, they will have an excellent edge over others. But not to confuse with being a perfectionist…

There were more pointers but these are the two which never cross my mind and made me think about.

Mamalicious Alicia

[joylly]

HIe pingsped


U're a special needs therapist.

I suspect my son is dyslexic, mild condition. Sorry, I long suspected but another educational therapist confirm it. My son is borderline dyslexic.

And yes, he can be careless, but is very imaginative, and strategic. He's also very musically inclined and could picked up musical notes and learn and play his piano fairly well. Oh yeah, he loves to read Sun Zhi Strategems and use it on his friends, board games etc etc.

But he could be quite careless, is there any way I could help him in this aspect ? Without caning him ? U said that such a behavior could be successfully corrected without the use of cane.

I have to admit though I do cane him the last time on his hands with wooden ruler, with every careless mistakes. I got him to do his work and to check. Then I'll mark and check his checking. I let all the wrong answers go, as my main purpose is to help him be more careful. SO my plan was, I check his checking.

Undone questions, questions without working, and hand writting which requires the teacher to guess, all warrants 1 stroke on his hands. 1 careless mistake, 1 stroke on hand.

That was during the December period. Currently I've seen that he has less mistakes in his worksheets and homework from school.

I hate to cane him. In any case where such carelessness occur again, are there any other methods I could use ? Please help me and my son.

Thank you very much. God bless you.

[joylly]

\" The fact is, I did cane and will do so again if I need to. I think I cannot hold him responsible if he does not know. I never get angry at honest ignorance. But he can be held responsible if he has been sloppy. (See link here http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2010/10/exam-stress.html). Carelessness is sloppiness, and sloppiness becomes a habit if left unaddressed. It was a habit. If you don't know, you cannot do harm. If you do know and you are sloppy, you can do great harm. That was how some people's eggs got fertilised with the wrong sperm. The habit of sloppiness/carelessness has implications beyond merely marks. \"


LIKE A LOT !

[pingsped]

joylly:

HIe pingsped


U said that such a behavior could be successfully corrected without the use of cane.

I have to admit though I do cane him the last time on his hands with wooden ruler, with every careless mistakes. I got him to do his work and to check. Then I'll mark and check his checking. I let all the wrong answers go, as my main purpose is to help him be more careful. SO my plan was, I check his checking.

Undone questions, questions without working, and hand writting which requires the teacher to guess, all warrants 1 stroke on his hands. 1 careless mistake, 1 stroke on hand.

That was during the December period. Currently I've seen that he has less mistakes in his worksheets and homework from school.

I hate to cane him. In any case where such carelessness occur again, are there any other methods I could use ? Please help me and my son.

Thank you very much. God bless you.

Counselling + remediation work well.

Hmm, I use different approaches depending on the child's IQ, behv & personality. I work very well with competitive, sore loser, impulsive, erm emotional types. They hate studying cos deep inside, they hate losing. They don't like feeling stupid. Naturally, when I teach them how to overcome their difficulties, they are willing to try harder.

The cooperative & meek kids improve even faster. Cos they listen well.

It's hard for dyslexics to spot their own mistakes. A lot of them feel a huge sense of dread when they see written work. They just rush thro & try to get everything done. When they rush or feel pressured, they make more mistakes cos accuracy of retrieval/recall or processing drops. 51 becomes 15, 'then' becomes 'than', 5+6 becomes 6-5, etc

I do different experiments to help the child see that by staying calm, he can eliminate many of his careless mistakes. My students learn to understand their own processing styles & temperament which helps to self-monitor.

how many marks does your child lose thro \"carelessness\"?

I'll do a statistical analysis of mistakes & work from there.
Self-belief alone is insufficient. There are different types of dyslexia. In theory, dyslexia is a processing disorder involving reading & writing. However, there are lots of children who have language, comprehension difficulties or even ADHD. These need to be addressed by your therapist.

Eg
If your child's writing pressure is making him tire easily, I would work on that. Cos when he's tired, he's more prone to writing errors.

When my student has overcome one difficulty, I cheer his efforts and we discuss our next goal. I build up his self-esteem and confidence step by step. I also tell him my expectations, ie predicted exam scores band.

All kids love to do well and be praised. When someone who believes in them (esp if they like the teacher v much) comes along & teaches them how to fish EFFECTIVELY, they'll do anything for that teacher.

My students with mild intellectual disability can do regular English in upper pri. They just get passes. They believe me when I tell them they can pass. I'm happy as long as they do their best. Even when they miss the 50% by a bit, they see the cup as half-full, not half-empty. They literally score 80-90% of available marks in specific sections to score a pass

Success (even small ones) and having staunch support are empowering tools.

Oops, went a bit off topic.
Maybe you work on improving your relationship - getting your child to confide in you. Spend time talking or playing. Now that there are less mistakes, coach him and continue to reinforce that he is able to spot certain mistakes. Try not to nag. If he is very complacent, I think it's alright to impose certain consequences eg no TV for 1 week, etc.

[chic_savvy]

rosemummy:

I think there's a big difference between perfection and not being careless. Not being careless simply means not making mistakes on what you're capable of doing. To me, perfection would mean the best way to get something done, such that it can't be done any better.


We don't need perfection for everything. We certainly can't achieve that on this side of eternity. For example, food need not be perfect in taste and every other aspect, but it should not be prepared carelessly and cause food poisoning. A ride need not be perfect in terms of route and comfort, but the driver should not be careless and cause harm to someone as a result.

Well said. :hugs:

[Chenonceau]

chic_savvy:

rosemummy:

I think there's a big difference between perfection and not being careless. Not being careless simply means not making mistakes on what you're capable of doing. To me, perfection would mean the best way to get something done, such that it can't be done any better.


We don't need perfection for everything. We certainly can't achieve that on this side of eternity. For example, food need not be perfect in taste and every other aspect, but it should not be prepared carelessly and cause food poisoning. A ride need not be perfect in terms of route and comfort, but the driver should not be careless and cause harm to someone as a result.

Well said. :hugs:

I second that... :goodpost:

[joylly]

Thank you pinksped for sharing with me.


counselling + remedition.

Counselling : does it means i need to find out why is my child
so "careless" ? And to work from the reasons …

Remediation : I teach him how to do his papers and worksheet properly and without any careless mistakes ?


Thank you and God Bless

[couriers]

Too true you really do need a Human Pschycology Degree first. however its great to have Kiasu Parents forum to talk and share with others tips.