In-law problems?

[baglady]

Wow I read some of the posts here and suddenly feel I’m quite lucky my in laws are nice!


I don’t have alot of complaints about them, except that they spoil my son! I find it hard to tell them not to do certain things and always bug my hubby to tell them. Lucky he usually agrees with me, but sometimes he just shrug it off and that annoys me!

The strange thing is now I’m closer to my in laws because they adore their grandchild and want to spend lots of time with him. But at the same time, it has also caused more friction.

How do you tell them not to do certain things without offending them? My father in law is ok, but mum in law can be v sensitive sometimes. Sigh.

[janet88]

baglady:

The strange thing is now I'm closer to my in laws because they adore their grandchild and want to spend lots of time with him. But at the same time, it has also caused more friction.


How do you tell them not to do certain things without offending them? My father in law is ok, but mum in law can be v sensitive sometimes. Sigh.

Bcos of the closeness, there may be more friction esp where pampering of kids and in-laws tend to be sensitive, so can't tell them not to do certain things even though it's not right.

[kylene]

Now I have phobia in having another child. For me, it is an obligation to bring DD to my IL place for half a day every week and if we were to go on a holiday, we have to make up for that week using another day.[/quote]


mine also like that. they come over on Wed afternoons, so if we are away, or if they go away. they would want "make-up" visits. so calculating.

[KSmom8]

kylene:

Now I have phobia in having another child. For me, it is an obligation to bring DD to my IL place for half a day every week and if we were to go on a holiday, we have to make up for that week using another day.

mine also like that. they come over on Wed afternoons, so if we are away, or if they go away. they would want \"make-up\" visits. so calculating.[/quote]

Thank goodness, I don't have this obligation.... otherwise, I would have stopped at one child. I emphatise with and salute both of you.

[KSmom8]

janet_lee88:

KSmom8:

Just can't stand their remarks, they will say stuff like \"I told you not to have wooden flooring, why did you do it?\" ... after the renovation is complete and the wooden floor installed. Of course, before the renovation, they will tell me a list of what I should do. How to respond to that kind of remark without being rude? Silently, I'm yelling \"it's my house and my choice what flooring I want, don't interfere.

I know what you mean...I had comments passed about my kitchen door, toilet doors...crap she said like, 'This type of door with glass, so hard to clean. Why make this kind of door ?' In my heart I am screaming...did I ask you to clean ? I'm the one paying for renovation. Never asked you for any comments either.

Haha... my MIL also passed comments on my glass doors.... grilles, paint colour and almost everything else in the house.

When I was pregnant and in bed resting due to a medical condition, one of the most horrible comments my MIL made was \" Why is the floor so sticky?\" Sadly, a DIL is not a daughter to her. I can't imagine her even passing such remarks to her daughters.

[janet88]

Mine here loves to pass remarks on everything. Which is why I don’t invite them over…what for? To hear more crap?

[auntieM]

My PRC SIL just passed away in Beijing… …my MIL too busy minding her mahjong to visit her or grandson… …bo chap totally… …

[janet88]

auntieM:

My PRC SIL just passed away in Beijing.. ..my MIL too busy minding her mahjong to visit her or grandson.. ..bo chap totally.. ...

Oh no, what happened to her ? It's so sad.
I thought your MIL would have found ways to try to get custody of the boy.

[baglady]

janet_lee88:

Bcos of the closeness, there may be more friction esp where pampering of kids and in-laws tend to be sensitive, so can't tell them not to do certain things even though it's not right.

You're right, it's v difficult to tell them becos they also help us out a lot. Luckily my parents are the main caregivers, and of course it's always easier to handle your own parents! My in laws look after my boy once a week full day, or sometimes twice a week if my parents are busy or unwell.

So I told myself that I should just close one eye when it comes to certain things. But if it's v important to me and I feel v strongly about something, I will ask hubby to speak to them. If that doesn't work, then I'll have to step in as well. Must choose which battles to fight!

For now still not so bad, cos he is only 2 plus. I think more problems may start when he goes to school!

[janet88]

baglady:

janet_lee88:

Bcos of the closeness, there may be more friction esp where pampering of kids and in-laws tend to be sensitive, so can't tell them not to do certain things even though it's not right.

You're right, it's v difficult to tell them becos they also help us out a lot. Luckily my parents are the main caregivers, and of course it's always easier to handle your own parents!
But if it's v important to me and I feel v strongly about something, I will ask hubby to speak to them. If that doesn't work, then I'll have to step in as well. Must choose which battles to fight!

For now still not so bad, cos he is only 2 plus. I think more problems may start when he goes to school!

I was about to mention that...going to P1. School work isn't easy now, even for P1. I do coach my daughter and revise her work daily...she will definitely whine.
Fortunately my parents do not interfere where work is concerned. My kids also know better not to approach my parents to be their 靠山. The last time my father tested my son for his EL spelling...for every mistake made, he had to write 20x. That was in P2 or P3. HaHaHa.