In-law problems?

[smurf]

RRMummy:

3Boys:

Teach them some biology, son or daughter depends on their DS's swimmers.....

No use, the retort - DIL 'stomach' bu zhen qi (sorry if wrong - poor HYPY)!! It's our fault that we are not 'condusive' enough to allow their precious 'swimmers' and therefore... :stupid:

wow...got such thing? my late MIL actually preferred granddaughter than boy.or maybe she didn't even like kids.

[RRMummy]

krazy:

ils told my mum to tell me to give them a grandson or they will be heir-less.

:roll: Same here.. after 2 years of pestering, MIL went directly to my parents too..Chey, like that would have any use meh...

[RRMummy]

smurf:

RRMummy:

[quote=\"3Boys\"]Teach them some biology, son or daughter depends on their DS's swimmers.....

No use, the retort - DIL 'stomach' bu zhen qi (sorry if wrong - poor HYPY)!! It's our fault that we are not 'condusive' enough to allow their precious 'swimmers' and therefore... :stupid:

wow...got such thing? my late MIL actually preferred granddaughter than boy.or maybe she didn't even like kids. [/quote]GOTTT!! especially when they are the OUT-LAW kind.. :lol:

now I start to turn a deaf ear to this requests already.. Worst come worst tell her got try but never get preggy leh...

[winth]

kylene:

hello, if they could come everyday, why can't my parents??

Same here, my ILs and parents can't seem to co-exist together but MIL likes to keep herself 'updated' with my parents' latest news, in-case they lose out.

Last time, DH would suggest doing events (like birthdays) together with both side's parents. But after 1 DS2's first birthday last year, he knows wat kind of trouble and embarrassment we'll get into if we ever do that.

kylene:

I was soft-spoken before the child but after the child was born, I learnt to be out-spoken so as to protect him.

Same here. Last time still very agreeing and keen to impress (as if got any use). Now, dun care liao. As long as there's something that 'harms' my family, I'll turn TIGER.

But still got to endure those brainless comments SIL gives (referring to DS2: you are so dirty, why so dirty one? referring to DS1: aiya, you sure cannot do one lar, how come like that also cannot do?) I'm just more worried that her very broken england will do more harm. Have asked DS1 to speak hokkien to her if all else fails, but DS1 is just too mild... sianz...

[3Boys]

So, what if the mother does something which the PIL thinks is harmful to the child, but the mother think is ok or necessary, should the PIL speak out? I know of a few instances. e.g. insist on full breastfeeding even when baby is starving for days, or bringing to temple to drink funny stuff pre-exam. If the PIL disagree, do they have the right to speak up?

[winth]

3Boys:

If the PIL disagree, do they have the right to speak up?

Of course they have the right.
They have spoken up so many times liao, cursing at me just that it's always behind us. And never in front of us.
(SIL told DH when she was complaining at how negative and bad their mother is and when when DH was defending their mum saying that she shouldn't have said such bad things about her own mother, she blurted it all out to prove her point. SIL even said that she was so lucky that her mother is not her MIL, if not she sure die - maybe that's why I'm invisible to the family :?. I'm already dead!)

Donkey years back:
DS1 has never required a pacifier.
She insisted having a pacifier on him, and after several times DS1 had spit out, she put a heavy (i mean real heavy) pillow on top of his pacifier so that it will be stuck and DS1 had no strength to remove it since he was only 2 months old. And what's more, she put another pillow on top of his hands so that he couldn't use his hands to remove it too. Is that okay?
Maybe PILs and parents will feel that this is still acceptable. I didn't turn tiger for that one, no harm yet.

Under the tender and loving care of MIL, DS1 struggled till pillow went on top of his face, he had to turn his head and breathe sideways. 2nd pillow was still on his whole body. MIL was looking and laughing at him, and well, maybe she was thinking of rescuing him before he breathed his last, perhaps? Oh, I turned tiger for that one. Is this okay to speak up then?

I allowed PILs to do things as long as they dun cause my children to die, like the instance I witnessed.

She fed my boy solid food when he was barely 3 months old. I made no complaints. Diarrhea and fever the very next day, just send him to doctor only. And try to hope that he won't die from excessive indigestion. But do you think I can even speak up in front of my ILs?

They paid no respect to my parents, disregarded my parents when they tried to talk to them. So what do you think? Can my parents speak up?

[ChiefKiasu]

winth:

... She insisted having a pacifier on him, and after several times DS1 had spit out, she put a heavy (i mean real heavy) pillow on top of his pacifier so that it will be stuck and DS1 had no strength to remove it since he was only 2 months old. And what's more, she put another pillow on top of his hands so that he couldn't use his hands to remove it too. Is that okay?...

I think we have laws for that. It's called child abuse.

[winth]

ChiefKiasu:

I think we have laws for that. It's called child abuse.

thanks for that.

[winth]

My ILs are sooo much better now, think they have accepted the fact that I’m here to stay as their DIL. Plus I’ve proven my capabilities, so they now nothing to say lor…


The examples quoted are all many years back la, and especially so after MIL went out to work. She has stopped being a full-time nanny after she broke a toddler’s nose - twice (toddler fell on his face when toddler was allowed to go down the steps from 2nd storey to 1st storey on his own). And a mother accused her of mistreating her young girl (MIL likes to cane the girl on the soles of her feet so that the caning would leave no scars when her parents come to collect the girl). The girl was so scared of my MIL, but the parents gathered no evidence of mistreatment bec no broken bones on girl mar… no one knew what she did bec my MIL was very clever. But I think her change in her career might have saved a lot of children.

[3Boys]

The point I am trying to make is that there is little to be gained by demonising PILs, quite simply because when it comes down to it, they generally have the interest of their grandchildren at heart, and where they may differ is in the implementation, and there is where belief systems, upbringing and experiences may clash.


One of my favourite quotes; "We judge ourselves by ideals and others by their actions." I.e. we complain about PILs, but when we are in their shoes, will we be any better? We think we will be, so we think we are, reality may prove to be different.

I have seen equal share of strange (to my eyes) practices by parents of children, and by their grandparents, such that when I hear grouses, my sense is that it can equally be the fault of the parent, grandparent, or none at all. We can gripe here at KSP. Where do the grandparents gripe about their DIL/SIL? KSPIL?

Pardon if I am just being brutally analytical, my DW hates me for that too…

Come on guys, any of you got IL problems, or is it mainly a gal thing?

Just to share, I faced a reverse situation, where I had to repent of my ways after being overly analytical with my MIL who was giving of her time to look after my newborn. Was driving her insane with my constant contradictions and fussiness and ‘evidence’ based childcare.

Ah well, live and learn…