Son feeling fearful about going to school

[LOLMum]

liz,


you are definitely not a useless mum, okay.

given your circumstances, you are doing your best. go ahead and have the negative feeling once in a while but dont overdo it cos it is not good for your mental state. kid will pick up your negative vibes too.

i would be scared too if i have to be home alone at such young age. be patient and maybe call each other every 15 minutes. with someone to talk to, he will not feel that scared and slowly from 15 mintues switch to half an hour, then 45 minutes and an hour.

i think i have seen this auto light timer at some hardward stores. you buy the timer and plug in the light (can be a lamp etc), set it at may 6.15 pm, the light will turn on automatically at that time. thus when he is back, he is not going into a dark house. i dont think it is very expensive.

[Liz_Ryan]

It’s not about being alone in the dark or being scared staying alone, honey.


He’s always been independent.

Initially he was fine, guess after a while, it’s affecting him emotionally.

Guess he starts feeling lonely, like there is no one there with him.

And plus the fact that I’m spending so much lesser time with him, ie. Coming home late and he having to turn in early……

I have tried convincing him, no matter what, he’ll always have me by his side……

At worst, I may have to quit my job………

[LOLMum]

yeah, little bit of this and that add up.


ryan (that's his name right?), seems like a very likable and independent child. :lol: lets see how things work out in the near future for him at home and in school. he's lucky to have a mum like you.

off topic,

u know sometimes i wish we know our neighbours better. i know this boy (same condo) and saw him sitting at the staircase staring blankly into space. asked if he is okay and he said he was bored and no one to play with. wanted to pass some books, dvds and games to him but he said no cos' not fun to do it himself. wanted to invite him to my house to play with my ds when he is home but rememberd his mum wasnt a very friendly person (greeted her a few times but was ignored) so didnt.

so different from my childhood days where there were lots of friends to play with and fight with.

[Sun_2010]

Is it possible for you to get some feedback from from your sons classmates about how his teacher is?


I think that the problem is less of his teacher and more of his emotional need to spend more time with you.
And the teacher happens to be an esay target to blame. Most likely he is not doing it intentionally,
its just him trying to find a valid reason for his feelings.

He might \"understand\" that you have to work and you are at office and will be back,
but the emotional need is still there. Simply put \"he misses you\", and that is making him insecure.

Is there some arrangement you or your spouse can make to come home early by the time he returns for a few days.
And see if it makes a difference.

Who takes care of him during school hols and in the morning?

I am just saying based on my experience with my son,
he will throw a tantrum when say- I leave home before he woke up,
And when i am late there is this anger which will trigger over a small issue.
All this even though i have explained and prepared him before hand and he understands that i will be late for a reason.
Things are better when my parents are around

And when i realise the connection - all i do is give him a unconditional long hug and sometimes reassure him , sometimes just silence....
I just wait for the emoions to ebb away.

Firstly prepare yourself mentally. Dealing with a emotional child is very draining.
You are only human and take some time for yourself.
Your insecurities, frustrations in not spending more time with him, etc can be sensed by him.
When you are in a positive frame of mind, he will intutively absorb it.
You mentioned that you are reassuring him of your love - keep doing that camly. It helps, i feel.

And there is no such thing as a \"useless mother\".
You are a great mother, who is doing all she can for her precious son
You will all come thru this well.

Hugz :grphug:

[Liz_Ryan]

Yea, Ryan! That’s e name of the ‘love of my life’!


Yes I agree with u that is always good to be friendly with your neighbours.

Am living in a door-to-door kind of flat so I have only one neighbour, they are a very nice family.

The aunty would help me look out to make sure that my boy gets into the house safely and no one would follow him in.

People in the neighbourhood know me & my boy quite well.

From the coffee-shop uncles, to the grocery shop uncle, right to the hairdresser, everyone knows us.

Still remember when he was in K1 and he was attending a Hari Raya party at a mosque…. I informed the transport to send him to my sister’s house after the party as the Childcare Centre was closed on that day and it happened to be my sister’s off-day. She lives 2 bus-stops away from my house.

About 1pm the hairdresser under my block called me to say that my son was alone outside my door, he asked my neighbour to help call me. My neighbour went to inform the hairdresser, thank God she had my number.

I almost lost my head but kept my cool when I checked with the transport uncle. He confirmed that the dropped my boy at my sister’s block. It is the norm that my boy would go up to the house by himself.

What happened was, my sister was in the bathroom and did not hear him knocking the door. Thinking that his aunt is not home, he walked all the way to my house to inform my neighbour, and hoping that they would get in touch with me somehow.

The hairdresser kept him in her shop till my sis came over to fetch him. When my sis came, she said he looked so tired & was perspiring as the weather was freaking hot on that day.

I really freaked out. But to some extent, I must admit that I was a little proud that my son would do that, in a case when he could not get a family member. And he tried convincing me, “No mommy, I look for the cars on the road first, then I cross”…

Back to our my topic earlier, even people at the coffee-shop have noticed that lately my boy has not been his usual self. They have noticed he would look like he is drifting away in his thoughts, thinking about something, when he is eating….

Sigh… I hope after this one-week holiday, things would turn out to be better.

Am taking leave the next 2 days to spend a long weekend with him, to play, read and study together………

[Liz_Ryan]

Hi Sun_2010,


Maybe you are right, the problem is more of his emotional need to spend time with me.

In the morning, I’ll send him to the Student Care as his school is in the afternoon session.

At home, there’s only me and him.

I know I have done all I can as a mom, but I still feel it is nvr enough.

Perhaps, soon, I’ll quit my job and settle down in a company that is not this far, even if the pay is lower…. coz the time away from my son is something that money cannot buy…

I am currently working in a company that is dealing in exhibitions. When there are exhibitions going on, at times I would need to go down onsite for days and long hours.

I appealed to my company last year and they have helped me. They put me in charge of taking care of suppliers’ invoices, it’s desk-bound job so I do not have to go out, unless we are really short of manpower.

Unfortunately now they shifted to Changi. I thought of asking my bosses if they could release me an hour earlier, I don’t mind even if they deduct my pay. But am still worried it will be too much to ask for.

We knock off at 6pm. By the time I take the feeder bus to Tampines MRT, take train to Jurong East, take feeder bus, I’ll reach home about 8pm. And the journey alone is enough to kill me. I’m really very tired……

Oh crap… why am I ranting about my feelings here…. Haha!! Ah well, as I said before, I shall see what happens after this school holidays……

[LOLMum]

you are so lucky to have good neighbours.


mine are hi-nod-bye. shucks, the maids are more friendly and chatty.

my kids have lots of homework especially dd who is in sec 1. but will be taking them to the library at bras basah and planning to spend the whole day there.

both my kids dont like to go out that much.

[Liz_Ryan]

yea, at times, people can be really unfriendly. but then again, we don’t know what they are thinking. they cud be having problems of their own too…


anyways, u hv a great weekends with the kiddos yea

shall be spending the next 2 days at home, revising his school work

on saturday, we’ll be heading to the library, then maybe to the park or something.

on sunday, shall take him to the pool in the morning, then spend the rest of the day relaxing at home…

[Sun_2010]

Yea Liz, have a great time u two!


Things will turn around for the better soon.

:celebrate:

[marionmae]

I guess, by being alone it adds up to his fear. You should make time for your kid as well. Transfer him to another class or to a different school. I don't think it is right to left him alone. Have someone accompany him while you are not home.


It would be difficult for him to adjust if he will still be alone at home and no one to talk to about school if he goes home. Avoid also blaming yoursel for having no time for him. You attract what you project, so the outcome is very much determined by your behaviour.

Possibly you should also take some feedback from other students or his classmates about his teacher. If you choose to live him alone I guess it would be better to send your child to http://www.teen-boarding-school.com/teen-boarding-schools/boarding-schools-for-boys.html wherein he would be supervised 24hrs a day. Aside from that he will be taught good values as he grow.