Son feeling fearful about going to school

[Sun_2010]

Is it possible for you to get some feedback from from your sons classmates about how his teacher is?


I think that the problem is less of his teacher and more of his emotional need to spend more time with you.
And the teacher happens to be an esay target to blame. Most likely he is not doing it intentionally,
its just him trying to find a valid reason for his feelings.

He might \"understand\" that you have to work and you are at office and will be back,
but the emotional need is still there. Simply put \"he misses you\", and that is making him insecure.

Is there some arrangement you or your spouse can make to come home early by the time he returns for a few days.
And see if it makes a difference.

Who takes care of him during school hols and in the morning?

I am just saying based on my experience with my son,
he will throw a tantrum when say- I leave home before he woke up,
And when i am late there is this anger which will trigger over a small issue.
All this even though i have explained and prepared him before hand and he understands that i will be late for a reason.
Things are better when my parents are around

And when i realise the connection - all i do is give him a unconditional long hug and sometimes reassure him , sometimes just silence....
I just wait for the emoions to ebb away.

Firstly prepare yourself mentally. Dealing with a emotional child is very draining.
You are only human and take some time for yourself.
Your insecurities, frustrations in not spending more time with him, etc can be sensed by him.
When you are in a positive frame of mind, he will intutively absorb it.
You mentioned that you are reassuring him of your love - keep doing that camly. It helps, i feel.

And there is no such thing as a \"useless mother\".
You are a great mother, who is doing all she can for her precious son
You will all come thru this well.

Hugz :grphug:

[Liz_Ryan]

Yea, Ryan! That’s e name of the ‘love of my life’!


Yes I agree with u that is always good to be friendly with your neighbours.

Am living in a door-to-door kind of flat so I have only one neighbour, they are a very nice family.

The aunty would help me look out to make sure that my boy gets into the house safely and no one would follow him in.

People in the neighbourhood know me & my boy quite well.

From the coffee-shop uncles, to the grocery shop uncle, right to the hairdresser, everyone knows us.

Still remember when he was in K1 and he was attending a Hari Raya party at a mosque…. I informed the transport to send him to my sister’s house after the party as the Childcare Centre was closed on that day and it happened to be my sister’s off-day. She lives 2 bus-stops away from my house.

About 1pm the hairdresser under my block called me to say that my son was alone outside my door, he asked my neighbour to help call me. My neighbour went to inform the hairdresser, thank God she had my number.

I almost lost my head but kept my cool when I checked with the transport uncle. He confirmed that the dropped my boy at my sister’s block. It is the norm that my boy would go up to the house by himself.

What happened was, my sister was in the bathroom and did not hear him knocking the door. Thinking that his aunt is not home, he walked all the way to my house to inform my neighbour, and hoping that they would get in touch with me somehow.

The hairdresser kept him in her shop till my sis came over to fetch him. When my sis came, she said he looked so tired & was perspiring as the weather was freaking hot on that day.

I really freaked out. But to some extent, I must admit that I was a little proud that my son would do that, in a case when he could not get a family member. And he tried convincing me, “No mommy, I look for the cars on the road first, then I cross”…

Back to our my topic earlier, even people at the coffee-shop have noticed that lately my boy has not been his usual self. They have noticed he would look like he is drifting away in his thoughts, thinking about something, when he is eating….

Sigh… I hope after this one-week holiday, things would turn out to be better.

Am taking leave the next 2 days to spend a long weekend with him, to play, read and study together………

[Liz_Ryan]

Hi Sun_2010,


Maybe you are right, the problem is more of his emotional need to spend time with me.

In the morning, I’ll send him to the Student Care as his school is in the afternoon session.

At home, there’s only me and him.

I know I have done all I can as a mom, but I still feel it is nvr enough.

Perhaps, soon, I’ll quit my job and settle down in a company that is not this far, even if the pay is lower…. coz the time away from my son is something that money cannot buy…

I am currently working in a company that is dealing in exhibitions. When there are exhibitions going on, at times I would need to go down onsite for days and long hours.

I appealed to my company last year and they have helped me. They put me in charge of taking care of suppliers’ invoices, it’s desk-bound job so I do not have to go out, unless we are really short of manpower.

Unfortunately now they shifted to Changi. I thought of asking my bosses if they could release me an hour earlier, I don’t mind even if they deduct my pay. But am still worried it will be too much to ask for.

We knock off at 6pm. By the time I take the feeder bus to Tampines MRT, take train to Jurong East, take feeder bus, I’ll reach home about 8pm. And the journey alone is enough to kill me. I’m really very tired……

Oh crap… why am I ranting about my feelings here…. Haha!! Ah well, as I said before, I shall see what happens after this school holidays……

[LOLMum]

you are so lucky to have good neighbours.


mine are hi-nod-bye. shucks, the maids are more friendly and chatty.

my kids have lots of homework especially dd who is in sec 1. but will be taking them to the library at bras basah and planning to spend the whole day there.

both my kids dont like to go out that much.

[Liz_Ryan]

yea, at times, people can be really unfriendly. but then again, we don’t know what they are thinking. they cud be having problems of their own too…


anyways, u hv a great weekends with the kiddos yea

shall be spending the next 2 days at home, revising his school work

on saturday, we’ll be heading to the library, then maybe to the park or something.

on sunday, shall take him to the pool in the morning, then spend the rest of the day relaxing at home…

[Sun_2010]

Yea Liz, have a great time u two!


Things will turn around for the better soon.

:celebrate:

[marionmae]

I guess, by being alone it adds up to his fear. You should make time for your kid as well. Transfer him to another class or to a different school. I don't think it is right to left him alone. Have someone accompany him while you are not home.


It would be difficult for him to adjust if he will still be alone at home and no one to talk to about school if he goes home. Avoid also blaming yoursel for having no time for him. You attract what you project, so the outcome is very much determined by your behaviour.

Possibly you should also take some feedback from other students or his classmates about his teacher. If you choose to live him alone I guess it would be better to send your child to http://www.teen-boarding-school.com/teen-boarding-schools/boarding-schools-for-boys.html wherein he would be supervised 24hrs a day. Aside from that he will be taught good values as he grow.

[Pen88n]

Liz,


I feel that Ryan is a very good and indept boy, and he is trying his best to cope. However, things can be a little over-whelming for him given that:
1. new school, new teachers (and a fierce form teacher)
2. new student care
3. having dinner alone, coming home and being alone

After all, he is only 7 and P1. All the new environment and sometimes some "unhappy" event in school would create some fear in him. He comes home and realises he is alone and he has no one to turn to to confide his fears and feelings. That may be a little too daunting for a P1 kid.

It’s a good idea if you can talk to your boss about having an earlier time off work, so that you can tend to your kid. Offer to do some work from home at night if needed, to ensure work is completed and not left undone. Alternatively, offer to take up / assist in some work that can be done from home at night.

Another suggestion would be to ask if any of your neighbour(s) is willing to assist in looking after Ryan for that 2 hours before you are home. It would be best if your neighbour has kids of his age (or a little older) that can keep him company and he will not feel being alone then.

Hope this helps.

[Liz_Ryan]

Hi everyone...


Thank you so much for your kind advice and opinions... I swear I really appreciate that...

Have not gotten time to actually reply as I was too busy with so many things lately.

But, you know, thank God, my management has allowed me to leave office one hour earlier now.

And it is so amazing how much difference it does make a difference to my boy.

Having to travel from Changi North, it wud take me 2 hours to travel with public transport... But the latest i wud reach home will be 7.15pm

He wud still reach home before me though. But it feels good to tell him that i'm in the train approaching home soon.

Nowadays he'll tell me he'll go take shower first, wait for me to come back, and take him out to dinner.

It's really like a burden off my chest.

Thanx so much, guys, again, for your kind advice.......

Love u all!!!!

[ttanwh]

Hi there ,


i agree its not easy to manage 30 plus student for a teacher. But as a teacher they have to understand each student and then engage them.

this is P1 kids just entering a new phase in school life. Thus , for your case speak to the form teacher and address your concern . listen and discuss a better way to aproach for now the kid is having a stigma in him ( fear of teacher )

if situation is not improving approach principal and have open discussion how to address this concern