How to develop self motivation in children?

[Chenonceau]

jtoh:

Hi Chenonceau,


I've always enjoyed reading your posts. I hope you're not discouraged from posting your thoughts because of the 'ruder than some' responses that sometimes take place.

All the best to your son on his Math. There's still time to work on it. And I read on the RV post that you're considering RV for Little Boy. My immediate thought was that Wow! His Chinese must have improved to such a level that you're confident of placing him in a SAP school. Kudos to you! I'm sure you'll be able to do the same with his Math and Science. Good luck!

Thanks for the moral support!!

Actually, DS already takes HCL at the moment... because he did make the cut. But barely only... and the cutoff was not very high. I am so tempted to switch him to Normal Chinese but my husband insisted so I am stuck with having to help him through... at least till the end of this year. The good thing about taking HCL is that in JC, you have more time for other subjects.

I've heard lovely things about RV and I know 2 students from there. Friends' kids. Very sociable and humble, diligent, morally upright and very gracious PLUS perfect scores at 2010's 'A' levels... and not arrogant in the least.

[jtoh]

Chenonceau:

jtoh:

Hi Chenonceau,


I've always enjoyed reading your posts. I hope you're not discouraged from posting your thoughts because of the 'ruder than some' responses that sometimes take place.

All the best to your son on his Math. There's still time to work on it. And I read on the RV post that you're considering RV for Little Boy. My immediate thought was that Wow! His Chinese must have improved to such a level that you're confident of placing him in a SAP school. Kudos to you! I'm sure you'll be able to do the same with his Math and Science. Good luck!

Thanks for the moral support!!

Actually, DS already takes HCL at the moment... because he did make the cut. But barely only... and the cutoff was not very high. I am so tempted to switch him to Normal Chinese but my husband insisted so I am stuck with having to help him through... at least till the end of this year. The good thing about taking HCL is that in JC, you have more time for other subjects.

I've heard lovely things about RV and I know 2 students from there. Friends' kids. Very sociable and humble, diligent, morally upright and very gracious PLUS perfect scores at 2010's 'A' levels... and not arrogant in the least.

It's lovely that your friends' kids turned out well. No wonder you're interested in RV. Of course I'm sure your friends' nurturing played a big role too.

[Sun_2010]

Chenonceau:

and some are more rude than others. So... I am a bit nervous.

Chenonceau:

I kinda feel like I am putting my head on the block for people to chop off.

I dont blame you if you think - is it worth the effort , why unnecessary trouble ...
But do note that - For every detractor you have , there are atleast 10 parents who appreciate the your advice, comments...
I have gotten some insights about behaviour and traits from your rightups,
and has set me thinking,and has given me a differnt prepective of looking at issues...
And i am sure many other parents too look up to your advice.
And really value your POV .

Yes a big thank you for being in this forum.

[autumnbronze]

schweppes:

Chenonceau,
I have always enjoyed reading your posts. You take the time to pen your thoughts and share your experience and I :thankyou: for that. :salute:

We don't live in a cookie cutter world, where every mould is the same. Every situation, every household and every child is different. And sometimes, there's no one size solution that fits all. It's always good to read about another person's perspective and what they do. So we take what is needed and feels right. And in doing so, hopefully, we customise what is relevant that best fits our needs.

:celebrate:

Sun_2010:

Chenonceau:

and some are more rude than others. So... I am a bit nervous.

Chenonceau:

I kinda feel like I am putting my head on the block for people to chop off.

I dont blame you if you think - is it worth the effort , why unnecessary trouble ...
But do note that - For every detractor you have , there are atleast 10 parents who appreciate the your advice, comments...
I have gotten some insights about behaviour and traits from your rightups,
and has set me thinking,and has given me a differnt prepective of looking at issues...
And i am sure many other parents too look up to your advice.
And really value your POV .

Yes a big thank you for being in this forum.

:imanisland: Chenonceau

I'm a BIG though mostly silent supporter of alot of your views. I am glad that you are a member of this forum. Apart from a parent's perspective, I can attest from a teacher's point of view that there is no ONE hard and fast rule in teaching methods as well as disciplining a class.

The so called discipline skills I 'learnt' in NIE came to nought after being posted to teach. Their methods backfired. One good example was starting strict with the class and 'loosening up' after a time. It may have worked in some other circumstances, but not in a class of all 14 year old girls with raging hormones and many of them, full of angst.

My DS is only 3 and a half. But he is mentally and verbally sharp/astute. As such, normal methods of punishment like making him stand in a corner does not really work. He is capable of reasoning and negotiating with me in a logical, persistent manner, many a time to the point of being obsessive and uselessly rebellious. Many methods of soft punishments did not help. What makes matters worse is that the extended family indulges in him.

I took a big and bold step to whack him really hard after one particularly difficult session with him a week ago and I have never done that before. Light taps, yes, but not a major whacking. I didn't like what I did but it was a leap of faith. He howled and cried and so did I (I mean cried, in my case). I explained to him that my heart was aching for what I did but he had really gone over the limit. He asked me why did I do that, and I explained my reasons. He said it was painful and I replied I know and that I would not do it again and neither should he rebel for the sake of rebelling nor throw tantrums unnecessarily.

All this while, HE was caressing my arm, then HE gave me a hug and told me HE loves me. On my part, I told him that from now on, I would give him 3 warnings before I would raise my hand on him again. As mentioned, it was a leap of faith by trying out this method. Of course I do not want to raise my hand on him. But my inner voice was telling me that he needed to get a taste of what it was like being whacked for once, rather than being given empty threats ie he needed to feel it to believe it. My inner voice also told me that it was a good chance that this method would work because he is able to understand logical reasoning and hence this painful experience would deter him from engaging in further useless battles in the future.

Its been a week. So far the 3x warning method is working. I am crossing my fingers. I am also mindful that I should not over-use this method because it might lose its value. As such, I am also flexible enough to ignore some of his 'nonsense', depending on the severity.

I am aware that my actions may cause some parents to gasp and go tsk tsk. I would probably have done that in the past too, because I don't believe in hitting a child, I still don't. But if I have to be cruel just ONCE, to be kind, then I will most certainly will be flexible enough to try such a method - provided I have assessed my child's character and have a good feel that it would work.

My greatest fear is having a spoilt DS. I know he is going through a phase. He is at this age. He has also picked up some undesirable habits from pre-school and thus, I have been watching him like a hawk, ensuring that he is not 'led astray' because I know no one else in the family will. My personal point of view - A son with integrity, sound moral values, responsibility etc ... takes precedence over an academically intelligent DS. Its better to be a fool than an educated fool. Unfortunately, although the extended family share this train of thought, they are always 'blinded' by his intelligence and the last straw was when he told a white lie, which was totally ignored by them, despite admitting (after I grilled him) that it WAS a lie. Then after a few minutes, the extended family went on to praise him for all the intelligent questions he was asking.

:offtopic: as usual .... :imsorry:

[Busymom]

This is always an interesting topic for me. I am currently reading a book that has been strongly recommended by Tamarind in this forum: 好妈妈胜过好老师. It is a good book and I agree with many of the pointers written by the author. I haven't finished the book, however, I also wonder if the author has not been just lucky that her child is intelligent and matured even as a baby... GWIM?


I have a girl and a boy (younger). Both their personality and strengths/weaknesses are so different that what works on one does not necessarily work on the other. I constantly think if it is the gender that is causing the difference (e.g. boy more interested in playing with cars than in reading books), as in girls mature faster than boys or are stronger in languages (although he is more matured in some ways and did better in his tests than her at the same age in the same chinese enrichment class), or because he has some inborn issues that I am not aware of (can read \"this\", but cannot read \"This\" or vice versa in the Peter and Jane book), or because I have spent relatively less time with him as compared to his sister...? So, he is still very much a work-in-progress. He likes us to read to him (both English and Chinese books), but we couldn't get him to read aloud for us at all. Any pointer on how we could \"motivate\" him to read aloud on his own? The only book that we have tried to get him to read aloud is the Peter and Jane book. And even that, we usually have to \"bribe\" him with something, like watching Dora for instance.

As for my girl, my biggest challenge is to get her to practise her violin everyday. In her book, the author of 好妈妈胜过好老师 wrote that we should not force our child to do what they do not like. Well, does that mean that if our child does not like to go to school or attend a class, we just let it be? When it comes to music, maybe it is alright to let go, but a line has to be drawn somewhere. It cannot be that each time the child doesn't want to do something, we just let her. She wants to learn violin, but she is lazy to practise it everyday. Should I threaten to stop the lesson if she doesn't practise? Or should I incentivise her daily practice (like half an hour of practice will get her to read her favourite book)? I have gotten angry with her, gotten angry with myself, hugged and praised her, whatever. Still can't get her to practise constantly without my nagging or reminders. Am I expecting too much from a child?

There are others, but let's start with these 2. Any ideas, greatly welcomed.

[Busymom]

:imanisland: autumnbronze


:hugs:

I too, don't believe in hitting, but had to do it once on dd's bare bottom when she was at the terrible-2 age and I was pregnant and at home while maid was on home leave at that time. :oops:

Never really had to hit her since, except recently about 2 weeks ago... a case of rudeness.



Still, I don't believe in using the cane and pray that I don't ever have to use that.

[Funz]

Please everyone, share away. Good or bad, methods that work or do not work for you. I find it beneficial, for the person writing and the people reading.


For the one writing, it serves as a form of reflection on what one has done to overcome certain obstacles. For those reading, to benefit from the experience of others and adopt and adapt some of those methods and apply them to their own situation.

I believe, when we seek or share something, we will have to keep an open mind. Only with an open mind will we be able to find what we seek and improve upon what we already have.

For me, when I share my 'trials & tribulations' on handling my kids, it is not so much methods that I am imparting but to share with others the frustrations, the anxiety when we hit wall after wall and the triumphs and jubilations when things do work out.

By the way, when I wrote about my method for correcting DD's carelessness in another thread, I received some cautionary advise which I appreciate and understand where these people are coming from. But today, I see the results of my *gasp* not so popular method. DD has been coming home with full marks for most of her topical tests. And she proudly tells me that she checked her papers 2-3times and spotted mistakes which she managed to correct.

So I notch this down as a small triumph for now. Cos knowing DD, I will not put it past her to fall back into her old habits again. If and when that happens, I will be drawing upon past experience and seeking new insights.

:celebrate: to parenting, never a dull moment.

[Vevey]

Busymom:

As for my girl, my biggest challenge is to get her to practise her violin everyday. In her book, the author of 好妈妈胜过好老师 wrote that we should not force our child to do what they do not like. Well, does that mean that if our child does not like to go to school or attend a class, we just let it be? When it comes to music, maybe it is alright to let go, but a line has to be drawn somewhere. It cannot be that each time the child doesn't want to do something, we just let her. She wants to learn violin, but she is lazy to practise it everyday. Should I threaten to stop the lesson if she doesn't practise? Or should I incentivise her daily practice (like half an hour of practice will get her to read her favourite book)? I have gotten angry with her, gotten angry with myself, hugged and praised her, whatever. Still can't get her to practise constantly without my nagging or reminders. Am I expecting too much from a child?

I'm not sure how old is your DD but for DS1 who is in P2, I'd threatened & did indeed skip his pte piano lesson for the next wk when he had not been practising enough (fortunately, his teacher is flexible ).
His incentive for practising is occasional applause & of cos, the piano lessons that we paid for. He can always stop learning piano if he doesn't wish to practise. :lol:

As for sch work, well, it's his name that is written on the worksheets, it's him who went up the stage to receive the prizes, not me. So, he has to b the 1 who is responsible abt his work, definitely not me.

On the other hand, I do not load him w any assessment bk, as they r such a bore (to me! :lol: ). I prefer to just explain any difficult qn from sch & then set a few similar qns just to make sure he really understands. I'll check back & if need to, refresh his memory on these b4 sch tests.

[Sun_2010]

Funz,


Totally agree...

Funz:

:celebrate: to parenting, never a dull moment.

Haha
But once in a way i want that dull moment - to catch my breath
:celebrate:

[Vevey]

autumnbronze:

I took a big and bold step to whack him really hard after one particularly difficult session with him a week ago and I have never done that before. Light taps, yes, but not a major whacking. I didn't like what I did but it was a leap of faith. He howled and cried and so did I (I mean cried, in my case). I explained to him that my heart was aching for what I did but he had really gone over the limit. He asked me why did I do that, and I explained my reasons. He said it was painful and I replied I know and that I would not do it again and neither should he rebel for the sake of rebelling nor throw tantrums unnecessarily.


All this while, HE was caressing my arm, then HE gave me a hug and told me HE loves me. On my part, I told him that from now on, I would give him 3 warnings before I would raise my hand on him again. As mentioned, it was a leap of faith by trying out this method. Of course I do not want to raise my hand on him. But my inner voice was telling me that he needed to get a taste of what it was like being whacked for once, rather than being given empty threats ie he needed to feel it to believe it. My inner voice also told me that it was a good chance that this method would work because he is able to understand logical reasoning and hence this painful experience would deter him from engaging in further useless battles in the future.

Its been a week. So far the 3x warning method is working. I am crossing my fingers. I am also mindful that I should not over-use this method because it might lose its value. As such, I am also flexible enough to ignore some of his 'nonsense', depending on the severity.

I am aware that my actions may cause some parents to gasp and go tsk tsk. I would probably have done that in the past too, because I don't believe in hitting a child, I still don't. But if I have to be cruel just ONCE, to be kind, then I will most certainly will be flexible enough to try such a method - provided I have assessed my child's character and have a good feel that it would work.

My greatest fear is having a spoilt DS. I know he is going through a phase. He is at this age. He has also picked up some undesirable habits from pre-school and thus, I have been watching him like a hawk, ensuring that he is not 'led astray' because I know no one else in the family will. My personal point of view - A son with integrity, sound moral values, responsibility etc ... takes precedence over an academically intelligent DS. Its better to be a fool than an educated fool.

DS2 is 3.5yo too. I hv to whack him sometimes when he really gets out of hand. Then most of the time, he will b quite ok when w me. Another story when daddy is ard. :roll: Both kids really take advantage of DH but well, that's his choice!