In-law problems?
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[quote]FYI, MIL is a tidy freak.....I used to get all the clothes/bed not folded (she'll come and scrutinize my wardrobe loh), things not in place, window grilles dusty must clean everyday, broom not clean must use feather duster (squat to sweep!!), I know I'll never meet her standard, so just do what is my limit, others just ignore. If it bothers her so much, she can do it. Call me unfilial, disrespect....but I need my life. Think she has gotten used to it now It's my house after all. And of course, hubby cannot openly support her and give her any ammo.....
Hope I'm not giving bad advice, but talk to hubby....better work out something before it gets too stressful to be handled.[/quote]Hi cwc, looks like you have one more issue than me..FIL...
I have a MIL similar character with your mil....your description sounds exactly like my mil...haha
And yes...I dun really bother how she sees me or expects on me and if she cannot \"tahan\", she can do the chores herself as I already tried my best..Just dun like she gives bad comments of me infront of my kids..I didnot want my kids to picture me as what she descripE yet I donot want to bad mouth my mil infront of my kids...any comments or recommendations?
My hubby knows his mum well so at times he will come to my resuce
But do hope beside mental help, he can provide more phsical help like taking care of at least one kid while I attend to the other one on her homework..sometimes can go crazy when 2 kids screaming at the same time..worst when 3rd party (mil) add in the noises.. :stupid: -
Ha ha, somehow I can relate to your 'no. 3' added in to the noise level
My '#3' has special talent, she always make '#4' - FIL fedup and he starts yelling back......then at times, I have 2 of them struggling (a little pull and push). So you see, my house becomes a war-zone whenever MIL is around. Actually she is not evil/bad/wicked, just has low EQ, high pitch voice, neat freak, kancheong, and everything also must comment regardless she knows about it or just hear a word 'out' then start yakking things like are you going out, where etc....ACE. Simply, she just has a rare talent to irritate everyone the moment she opens the mouth.
Ok, I'll be frank....I used to pretty polite to elderly....somehow, I gave up when it comes to my PIL. While I still try, I must admit there are also many times I raise my face or show my disdain openly. I dun see the need or point of being the submissive nice DIL. Guess now I have the mentality that, \"look I am the only one who allows the both of you to stay...none of your other DILs willing and yet you want to pick on me? by all means then :)\" So like you, I dun care much of what they think of me cos' it's always the caregiver who seems to be the one being å«. If really not happy, go try and see if your other IL will agree to stay under the same roof. Guess this is how I keep my sanity.
Also, I do comment about my MIL in front of my children. However, I try to make it as a discussion point - ask my kids' opinion on what's right, what's wrong. (my kids are older, so can do it this way). And will frequently tell them to just accommodate her as she is old and cannot think properly liao
On your hubby, tell him 'I need your help'. Work or not, dunno. Just open mouth and try.......dun wait silently for miracles. I was told, man likes to provide solution...so give him a problem to solve
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[quote]my house becomes a war-zone whenever MIL is around. Actually she is not evil/bad/wicked, neat freak, kancheong, and everything also must comment regardless she knows about it or just hear a word 'out' then start yakking [/quote] I concur this
[quote]While I still try, I must admit there are also many times I raise my face or show my disdain openly[/quote] same here...afterall we are human, we do have our \"limits\" too....my face will turn black and I believe my mil can sense it. But will try my best not to do it too often, afterall she is still my mil and I have to respect that. Just dun test my limits...
[quote]Also, I do comment about my MIL in front of my children. However, I try to make it as a discussion point - ask my kids' opinion on what's right, what's wrong. (my kids are older, so can do it this way). And will frequently tell them to just accommodate her as she is old and cannot think properly liao [/quote] Guess my kids are too young to understand......whenever I reason out and explain to them, they will give me a Blur look.....and ask me why i don't listen to Ah Ma?? :x .....at times I asked them what did Ah Ma say, they hardly can explain too.....I wont reason with them who is right, who is done....I will only explain what can be done correctly.. -
[quote]On your hubby, tell him 'I need your help'. Work or not, dunno. Just open mouth and try.......dun wait silently for miracles. I was told, man likes to provide solution...so give him a problem to solve [/quote] He does help occasionally......knowing he also has alot of stress in his work and tons of reports after office hr, try not to bother him too much lah..Afterall, its more \"dealing\" and \"managing\" MIL...if she can reduce her noises and comments.....I will be thankful. BUT leapard never change spots....mil is mil...dun think she will change and as one gets older..the person will get more nagging, more insecure and needs more attention..like the phrase says \"you born to be a baby, when u grow old, you behave like a baby\". Guess I need to have very good tolerance or other tips to learn \"people management\".
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EatNonStop:
He does help occasionally......knowing he also has alot of stress in his work and tons of reports after office hr, try not to bother him too much lah..Afterall, its more \"dealing\" and \"managing\" MIL...if she can reduce her noises and comments.....I will be thankful. BUT leapard never change spots....mil is mil...dun think she will change and as one gets older..the person will get more nagging, more insecure and needs more attention..like the phrase says \"you born to be a baby, when u grow old, you behave like a baby\". Guess I need to have very good tolerance or other tips to learn \"people management\".[/quote][quote]On your hubby, tell him 'I need your help'. Work or not, dunno. Just open mouth and try.......dun wait silently for miracles. I was told, man likes to provide solution...so give him a problem to solve
As I am a SAHM, all the more I should let him rest....but guess, somehow my mentality has changed a little after seeing how many wives are taken for granted after a while.....so while I try to minimise, I will sometimes give a little trouble myself .... so as not to be taken for granted
On MIL, yes, be prepared. They will turn more naggy, more insecured. Mine is slowly showing the signs......also will get temperamental. Just the other day we had this BIG issue when she refused to talk to me or let me ferry her to work (oh yes she works cos' dun want to stay home take care FIL and none of the children willing to come back and eat dinner on weekdays....so no more reason to stay home cook and call each one everyday a few times) -
Hi cwc,
So your MIL is the one working to avoid staying home ? You taking care of FIL, kids and housework. Must be tough on you. -
Hi,
I quit job stayed home to look after children initially cos' MIL had issue with every single maid, I'm too tired to find another and since younger child needs attention and going P1, decided to quit and go maidless.....but somehow the family got expanded after 1+ year cos PIL came to stay and rent out theirs.
Had a really tough time for a while.....but recently, got a helper during daytime cos' I simply cannot handle FIL, kids and housework. In the first place, I'm not the patient/motherly/homely type :oops: So now, life is a lot better with the helper....that's why now I start to go online :love:
Anyway, yes. MIL goes work cos' dun want to stay home and her other children refused to come here for dinner, so she no reason to cook.....phew. Everybody has their own life now. Whenever she cooks, she calls a few times a day to ensure and if you dun appear by 6.30pm, call again..and again. And even if you say not free to come, she'll attempt another few times saying there's food. Gosh.....stalker huh. So I'm actually glad she's out, I'll really go crazy with her around and I'll probably go back to work. But of course, I have lotsa people giving me that ....wah, you enjoy life and MIL has to work at such old age. -
cwc:
Since your child is going to P1, no harm quitting job.Hi,
I quit job stayed home to look after children initially cos' MIL had issue with every single maid, I'm too tired to find another and since younger child needs attention and going P1, decided to quit and go maidless.....but somehow the family got expanded after 1+ year cos PIL came to stay and rent out theirs.
Anyway, yes. MIL goes work cos' dun want to stay home and her other children refused to come here for dinner, so she no reason to cook.....phew. Everybody has their own life now.
Better for you that MIL is working or else sure go nuts facing her whole day. But it's quite unfair that your PIL are staying your place and renting out theirs for money. -
cwc:
Whenever she cooks, she calls a few times a day to ensure and if you dun appear by 6.30pm, call again..and again. And even if you say not free to come, she'll attempt another few times saying there's food. Gosh.....stalker huh.
What's with MILs and their food? My MIL also the same pattern. She likes to cook a lot and a lot on Sat or Sun morning then call us after she's done to come eat lunch...all this will be unplanned, and when we tell her we can't coz we have other plans, she'll make so much noise! Luckily, my DH doesn't give two hoots about his mum throwing a tantrum. I appreciate that she wants to cook for us, but I wish she'd let us know in advance, and not after she's done cooking. But this pattern cannot change. -
My MIL went for holiday and left my FIL alone at home, barely a week after my SIL passed away overseas.. She claimed that she was not fit enough to travel for funeral...
My DH didn't know till he tried contacting her..
When my niece came to Singapore she made sure she arrange dinner to celebrate his birthday...my gosh :x We are Chinese and we don't celebrate birthdays after our mothers passed on do we? No one dare to give angpow and just sat thru the drama..
So what's she thinking? Delibrate? :faint:
Juz ranting.. ..
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