How to develop self motivation in children?

[tisha]

chamonix:

Hi Chenonceau ,


I just want to update you on my son's progress. Your recommended motivational strategies have proven most effective for my son. While he has not turned into a habitual writer overnight, he no longer finds writing a chore. In fact, he now gladly works on his weekly writing. No more pushing or naggings required, just a gentle reminder would set him off to his task.
However, he is still not open to unfavourable comments yet, so I am holding my tongue at the moment. Hopefully, I can resolve this in time to come.

Once again,
:thankyou:

Chamonix,
Thanks for sharing.

Chenonceau, Chamonix :grphug:

chamonix:

In fact, he now gladly works on his weekly writing. No more pushing or naggings required, just a gentle reminder would set him off to his task.

This in itself calls for a celebration. :celebrate:
Give yourself a pat on the back for following the suggestions and making it work for your DS. :rahrah: :rahrah: :rahrah:

[pixiedust]

It is really a big motivation to me to read the success stories.

Well done ! and do keep us posted along the way.

I have the same question as MummyThreeStreams about about sticker-chart/reward system.

[Chenonceau]

chamonix:

Hi Chenonceau ,


I just want to update you on my son's progress. Your recommended motivational strategies have proven most effective for my son. While he has not turned into a habitual writer overnight, he no longer finds writing a chore. In fact, he now gladly works on his weekly writing. No more pushing or naggings required, just a gentle reminder would set him off to his task.

However, he is still not open to unfavourable comments yet, so I am holding my tongue at the moment. Hopefully, I can resolve this in time to come.

Once again,
:thankyou:

:rahrah: :rahrah: :rahrah: This is great news!!

[Chenonceau]

pixiedust:

It is really a big motivation to me to read the success stories.

Well done ! and do keep us posted along the way.

I have the same question as MummyThreeStreams about about sticker-chart/reward system.

Generally, stickers/chops aren't very attractive in themselves. Unlike iPODS, handphones, Barbies etc... These THINGS are very attractive in themselves, and when given as rewards for good performance will attract ALL the positive association that goes with meeting and achieving goals. Actually, when you achieve a goal, you already feel happy AND you know that it's because you achieved something. You throw an iPOD into the situation and all that happy gets attracted to the iPOD and your child would have worked hard, achieved a goal... and missed out on the opportunity to build a mental connection between goal achievement and happiness. He makes an association to the iPOD instead.

Stickers and chops, if not attractive to the child in or for themselves, are not as harmful to instrinsic motivation. They are like praises and hugs. I use plenty of both with my kids.

But you know, it really depends on the situation. Some parents don't praise a lot. My husband doesn't. So, when he says something is ok... both my kids are elated. In previous generations, people feared that praises would attract the jealousy of evil spirits, so they made sure they did NOT praise the child. However, in gesture and look, they showed pride and approval. So, if you aren't like me (equipped with a squeal-y voice and so-in-love with hugs) then you can use stickers to communicate approval. Why not?

Then also, if your net worth is 100billion USD, and an iPOD to your kid is inconsequential, then you can start an iPOD reward chart for your kid. No harm done 'cos the iPOD isn't that attractive to your kid anyway.

Conversely, if you live in the slums and your kids have NO toys, then a sticker could well be attractive on its own, and then your kid would end up working hard for the stickers... no more stickers, no more effort.

It is tempting again to judge the strategies. Just because extrinsic undermines intrinsic does not mean that extrinsic motivation is a complete throwaway and is bad. There are situations where you can and MUST use extrinsic motivators.... praises and hugs and parental approval are (strictly speaking) extrinsic motivators too you know. The difference is that they aren't things, are fleeting. The happiness that lingers behind has a higher chance of attaching itself to the goal attained than to the hug or the nod of approval.

This said, there are SOME situations where a nod of approval holds so much attraction for the child that it effectively undermines their pleasure vis-a-vis the school subject. If the nods aren't forthcoming, then they're not interested. The human psyche is complex. Anything can happen and every situation requires a targeted response.

It could well be that sticker charts work in your specific situation.

Actually the rewards/punishment schedules many parents use arise from OB Mod theory, the same theory that gave us RIVP and RIVR... It is a well-researched and well-supported theory. It would not be wise to completely cut out rewards/punishment from parental toolbox of motivational strategies. They are useful in some situations. Salt aggravates high blood pressure, but we still have it in our kitchens. Some people cannot eat it... is all. People all different. Situations all different.

Just don't over use any strategy.

Praises if overused will have negative effects. If you allow kids to choose freely all the time, there will also be negative effects. They're all tools. Only tools. No good. No bad. Just keep 'em in toolbox and use them when the situation requires it. Dun have to throw away any.

[pixiedust]

Ah, okay okay…I see some light.


Over the past 1 day, I pondered over the insights shared in the post.
Have to say the char kway teow analogy is firmly stuck in my head !

Thanks heaps !

Now I have to think further and see if we can execute something…tough tough…

[rosemummy]

Chenonceau:

Praises if overused will have negative effects. If you allow kids to choose freely all the time, there will also be negative effects. They're all tools. Only tools. No good. No bad. Just keep 'em in toolbox and use them when the situation requires it. Dun have to throw away any.

Very true.

I like to hear your view regarding praises. If a parent or teacher is lavish with praise, it may not mean anything after a while. If it's something that they get easily all the time, it's no big deal to them. If you praise a lot all the time, how do you differentiate between, for example, doing what they're expected to and doing what is beyond expectation?

[Chenonceau]

Here is one more strategy in action. Again, it must not be over-used.


http://petunialee.blogspot.com/2011/04/reaching-tipping-point-in-chinese-part.html

[phtthp]

does anyone have a sample daily time table to show … how to motivate a child to study on his / her own ?

[veevee88]

Hi Chenonceau,


I just stumbled onto this forum. Thanks for sharing as i am really at wits end trying to get DS to do his homework (by himself). Will try out what you have shared. Thanks !

[smartmummy]

Hi Chenonceau!


Firstly,my heartfelt thank to Tisha for share Pip's information here.

Secondly, my heartfelt thank to Chenonceau to be more generous and give deep explanations. :salute:

Could you please help me! :imanisland:.

Can I PM to you,please?