How to teach children to handle bullies

[Chimmy]

Chenonceau and Misulo,


Thank you for replying. It is good to hear from other mums and learning from one another.
It is indeed a challenge raising boys to be tough and yet kind and compassionate; being able to fit in and yet, having the courage to stand up against what is wrong.
Violence only begets violence. It is sad that schools should preach resolving conflict in a civilized way and yet allow a culture that encourages violence. Mums, how do we want to raise our sons? Do we want them to hit back? Is this the only way to prove a boy’s manliness? I have always told my sons to exercise restraint, that all form of violence is not right unless it is in self-defense. I definitely do not want my sons to be in a school that supports a hidden culture of violence.

[smurf]

Anyone has any advice for this?


My boy p1 is taking sch bus to sch, and in the bus, there is also p2 students. And one of the p2 often makes fun of my boy, and some other boys p1 as well. He often called these p1 students nasty words such as shit, stupid, fatty boom boom, even called them gals. Is there any way I can help to stop all these nonsenses? I dun really want to confront the boy as Im not sure if it’s a misunderstanding, but from what my boy said it happened very often. When the p1 boys told him to stop it, he still continue.

[Chenonceau]

smurf:

Anyone has any advice for this?


My boy p1 is taking sch bus to sch, and in the bus, there is also p2 students. And one of the p2 often makes fun of my boy, and some other boys p1 as well. He often called these p1 students nasty words such as shit, stupid, fatty boom boom, even called them gals. Is there any way I can help to stop all these nonsenses? I dun really want to confront the boy as Im not sure if it's a misunderstanding, but from what my boy said it happened very often. When the p1 boys told him to stop it, he still continue.

Happened to my boy. He came home and asked me for permission to punch the guy. I said \"No\" because I didn't want him to resort to violence as a first solution. He then came up with another idea... sit in one corner and pretend to fall asleep. Very soon, it became a real nap. He heard nothing and after a while, the name calling stopped and he became quite good friends with the other fellow. Even got invited to b'day party.

Best way to conquer an enemy is to make him your friend.

Another technique we figured out together was to jokingly tease back. Have some fun making up names to call each other and giggle everytime you come up with a particularly creative one. After a while, his school bus became a rip-roaring bunch of back thumping drunkards.

[smurf]

Good idea. That's what my boy did also. He said he asked that bully to stop and when he didn't, he said he looked out of the bus window. I asked him why he did that, he said he just want some peace. :?


I dunno lah, now he complained to me, then when I ask him totell that boy off, he said he want some peace...dun understand.

[Chenonceau]

smurf:

Good idea. That's what my boy did also. He said he asked that bully to stop and when he didn't, he said he looked out of the bus window. I asked him why he did that, he said he just want some peace. :?


I dunno lah, now he complained to me, then when I ask him totell that boy off, he said he want some peace...dun understand.

Yah lor... kids... they fight they cry and complain and then after that happy again. :?

[shurley197323]

My boy is in P2 this year. He has a big fat bully in his class. The bully had bullied almost 95% of his classmates like pinching, pushing, boxing,hiting etc since P1. But so far, the teacher only ask the bully to apologize and the case is closed. This happened countless time/ Till yesterday, the bully kicked my boy and boxed the other bo/s face again. I could not hold my temper and made a huge scene at the canteen. This time, the principal was informed. I told the school that the bully is not the 1st or 2nd offence but countless times and still they did not do any actions against him? :x

Can someone advise me what further actions can I do in the situations?
I told the teacher I want to see the bully getting punished seriously this time not apologising only. Right?

[daddybear]

shurley197323:

My boy is in P2 this year. He has a big fat bully in his class. The bully had bullied almost 95% of his classmates like pinching, pushing, boxing,hiting etc since P1. But so far, the teacher only ask the bully to apologize and the case is closed. This happened countless time/ Till yesterday, the bully kicked my boy and boxed the other bo/s face again. I could not hold my temper and made a huge scene at the canteen. This time, the principal was informed. I told the school that the bully is not the 1st or 2nd offence but countless times and still they did not do any actions against him? :x

Can someone advise me what further actions can I do in the situations?
I told the teacher I want to see the bully getting punished seriously this time not apologising only. Right?

Actually... i am a firm believer in self-defense. What are your options?

1) Beat the P2 boy up personally?
2) Complain to the principal? ->same question of what can he/she do?
3) Complain to his parents? Which is a bit redundant since you wouldn't be in this situation if they were even semi-competent as parents

There will always be bullying, playground, schools, army, workplace. Might as well start giving him the tools to stand up for himself. It does not mean teaching him to throat punch someone, but just standing up for himself. Anyway, you get the idea...

[Angelight]

My DD (nursery class) came home today and told me that a 'naughty' boy in school slapped her mouth! :shock: As she said this, her eyes welled up with tears. :love:


I asked further and found out that the teacher merely chided the boy and asked DD to wash her face in the toilet cos she was crying and tears streaking her face.

This is not the first time DD's classmates have been rough with her. I always told her to tell the 'bully' to \"stop it, don't do that. I don't like it\" and then tell the teacher about it. But she always ends up keeping quiet or just cry. :slapshead:

What shld I do? I don't want to complain to the teacher every time she got 'bullied' as it may appear I'm over protective. But it hurt my heart every time DD comes home and complain that so-and-so hit her. Any parent got any advice to get DD to defend herself from being bullied? :nunchuk:

[smartmummy]

hi all!

my p3 son tricky replying and use disgusting words and playing with sister that learning from peers.How to handle this?He said he learnt these techniques, cos defeat his friends.Thanks in advance

[Anon]

I am a believer that we should teach our kids how to hold their own from a young age. I always tell my daughters that they are born bold to manage the numerous challenges in life. Bullies only have power over them if they allow them. If you parents intervene directly, the bullies and peers will lose respect for your children.


For my girls, I teach them to avoid/resolve conflict whenever possible, retort with wit and retaliate with physical manoeuvres which do not harm the other. E.g. staying away from the bullies, not showing any fear when encountered, standing up to them with comebacks if confronted and neutralizing physical attacks by deflection or jamming.

It’s a great opportunity for them to develop EQ and character in the face of adversity. My P1 daughter was emotionally-bullied by P2 girls while on the school bus for the last 3 weeks. It ranged from unfairly claiming her seat, constantly mocking her name and deceiving her into moving a seat back on the pretext of sitting together. It was a baptism of fire but she bravely stood up to the bullies. Not only did she make them looked like lousy bullies, she gained newfound respect among her peers and of herself. Well, I couldn’t be any prouder for her.