Is it appropriate to cane my daughter on her buttocks?
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My daughter has been caught cheating in her mid year exams and i was so angry that when i got home i bring her to the room and ask her to bend over and i took the cane delivered 3 hard strokes to her behind.
is it appropriate for me to administer such punishment to her? -
Appropriate? You’ve already delivered your punishment to her, I see no point asking if it is appropriate after it has been done.
Punishment shld not be delivered in anger. Plse understand the reason behind her cheating and address the root cause.
JM2C. -
How old is your child?
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janice75:
You probably feel quite bad already and that is why you ask the question? And the fact that you're asking this also indicates you have never done it before and have not the habit of physically hurting your child. That's great.My daughter has been caught cheating in her mid year exams and i was so angry that when i got home i bring her to the room and ask her to bend over and i took the cane delivered 3 hard strokes to her behind.
is it appropriate for me to administer such punishment to her?
What's done is done. Cheating is a terrible thing to do whatever the reason. But it is still better not to cane in anger. Don't worry, you're still trying to be a good mommy.
No one is a perfect mommy... we all try our best. Take heart and continue trying. -
ksi:
How old is your child?
sec 2 -
I will suggest that you apologise for your rash behaviour.
Then highlight to her again that she can always turn to you if she needs help in her school work and that cheating is not going to help her go far in life. It is better to be the last in class, than a loser in life.
Tell her that you love her, want her to grow up as a proper lady and it hurts you that she is doing something that is clearly wrong. Then sincerely apologise for your rash act and tell her how painful it is for you to carry out the act and then hug and make up.
She is already a teenager and is going to remember this episode for the rest of her life. So how do you want her to remember you as?
All the best. -
I do use the cane but I think your daughter is too old for it already. Nonetheless, what is done cannot be undone and there’s no point beating yourself up over it. I think jedamum’s suggestions are good, but I will draw a distinction between the punishment and the cause - ie I may apologise for caning, but I will not apologise for my anger over cheating and I will make that clear. Then move on to why she cheated and what can be done in future. I think if you do that, she will also apologise to you for cheating.
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I agree with deminc that your daughter may be too old for being caned. We all remember how \"sensitive\" we were during our teenage years, so this caning episode may leave a deeper impression than her getting caught for cheating!
Maybe her fear of disappointing u with her results clouded her judgement over right and wrong, and she made the mistake of cheating.
As all the mums above have suggested, apologise for being rash abt caning then move on to the reason behind why it's done. Nip it in the bud instead of addressing the symptoms only.
Hmmm.... i can see we mummies are indeed getting more educated, well read, and being much more flexible when it comes to parenting styles. How many of us can actually say that OUR parents hv ever apologised abt caning us, and sitting us down to explain and work out our problems together when we were younger?? My most vivid childhood memory was of my father locking me in the room with him, and chasing me round and round with the cane... comical, but till today, leaves a very traumatic memory for me...
May we not repeat the same parenting boo-boos our parents made on us!!!
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i’ll say no matter how old is the child, caning/ hitting is a MUST NOT way to parenting kids. it only hurts relationship.
but like others said, what’s done is done. now focus on helping your girl to get over from the bad feeling. -
I am sorry you had to cane your little girl. I have done it before in anger too and regret it very much after. One of my friends told me not to cane daughters… sigh…
Anyway… spend a bit more time teaching her about Integrity. That one goes through life achieving more by being honest, not needing to lie, cover up, tell more lies, and suffer from guilt. People with Integrity live happier lives. I hope this message will get through to her.
Anyway most of us cheated in life here and there… but it is good to show her a better way.
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