Is it appropriate to cane my daughter on her buttocks?

[jedamum]

I will suggest that you apologise for your rash behaviour.

Then highlight to her again that she can always turn to you if she needs help in her school work and that cheating is not going to help her go far in life. It is better to be the last in class, than a loser in life.
Tell her that you love her, want her to grow up as a proper lady and it hurts you that she is doing something that is clearly wrong. Then sincerely apologise for your rash act and tell her how painful it is for you to carry out the act and then hug and make up.
She is already a teenager and is going to remember this episode for the rest of her life. So how do you want her to remember you as?
All the best.

[cnimed]

I do use the cane but I think your daughter is too old for it already. Nonetheless, what is done cannot be undone and there’s no point beating yourself up over it. I think jedamum’s suggestions are good, but I will draw a distinction between the punishment and the cause - ie I may apologise for caning, but I will not apologise for my anger over cheating and I will make that clear. Then move on to why she cheated and what can be done in future. I think if you do that, she will also apologise to you for cheating.

[stsy_26]

I agree with deminc that your daughter may be too old for being caned. We all remember how \"sensitive\" we were during our teenage years, so this caning episode may leave a deeper impression than her getting caught for cheating!


Maybe her fear of disappointing u with her results clouded her judgement over right and wrong, and she made the mistake of cheating.

As all the mums above have suggested, apologise for being rash abt caning then move on to the reason behind why it's done. Nip it in the bud instead of addressing the symptoms only.

Hmmm.... i can see we mummies are indeed getting more educated, well read, and being much more flexible when it comes to parenting styles. How many of us can actually say that OUR parents hv ever apologised abt caning us, and sitting us down to explain and work out our problems together when we were younger?? My most vivid childhood memory was of my father locking me in the room with him, and chasing me round and round with the cane... comical, but till today, leaves a very traumatic memory for me...

May we not repeat the same parenting boo-boos our parents made on us!!!

[Tamama]

i’ll say no matter how old is the child, caning/ hitting is a MUST NOT way to parenting kids. it only hurts relationship.

but like others said, what’s done is done. now focus on helping your girl to get over from the bad feeling.

[UncleLim]

I am sorry you had to cane your little girl. I have done it before in anger too and regret it very much after. One of my friends told me not to cane daughters… sigh…


Anyway… spend a bit more time teaching her about Integrity. That one goes through life achieving more by being honest, not needing to lie, cover up, tell more lies, and suffer from guilt. People with Integrity live happier lives. I hope this message will get through to her.

Anyway most of us cheated in life here and there… but it is good to show her a better way.

[HoSayLiao]

There is nothing wrong with caning your daughter. You are the one who give birth, take care and feed your daughter and she dares to shame the family. In fact, if you don’t cane her, she will take your love for granted. You should not have caned her in the bedroom. You should cane her along the corridors so that the neighbours can see.


If I am caught cheating, it will not just be 3 strokes of the cane. It will be more like 30 strokes.

[carebear]

Actually, how do you cane a sec2 child?

I can’t imagine caning mine cos he is much bigger than I.
Caning on buttocks is ok, as caning of criminals is on the buttocks, school disciplinary caning is also on the buttocks.
However caning elsewhere is a no no.
Actually I would rather spank with my hands so that I will feel the pain too.

If your dd allowed you to cane her may mean she is willing to listen to you and perhaps make a postive change.

[UncleLim]

HoSayLiao:

There is nothing wrong with caning your daughter. You are the one who give birth, take care and feed your daughter and she dares to shame the family. In fact, if you don't cane her, she will take your love for granted. You should not have caned her in the bedroom. You should cane her along the corridors so that the neighbours can see.


If I am caught cheating, it will not just be 3 strokes of the cane. It will be more like 30 strokes.

Hi HoSayLiao,

I cannot help but wince upon imagining what the 30 cane strokes will feel like on a Sec 2 girl. It brought back horrible memories of how I was tied up to a wooden chair and whipped by my mother for shouting \"bad words\" along with my cousin. Of course I did not understand the meaning of those words.. but in that generation parents do not really investigate. I went to school the following day with cane marks all over my arms and legs. My form teacher was so shocked she took me to the sick bay for medication as some of the cane marks broke the skin and were bleeding. Did I survive? Yes. Did I become a better person because of that vicious caning episode? I am not sure. But it left me sad and bitter. Bitter enough for it to be remembered till this day when I am already a middle-aged father of my own children. That is why I think we (especially fathers) should be gentle with our children, especially with our daughters. Explaining and teaching is tough and repetitive, so it is also the more loving way to bring a wayward child back to the right path. Violence and shaming should be not be the first resort.

[headache1969]

HoSayLiao:

There is nothing wrong with caning your daughter. You are the one who give birth, take care and feed your daughter and she dares to shame the family. In fact, if you don't cane her, she will take your love for granted. You should not have caned her in the bedroom. You should cane her along the corridors so that the neighbours can see.


If I am caught cheating, it will not just be 3 strokes of the cane. It will be more like 30 strokes.

I cannot imagine caning 30 strokes and along the corridor! It will be an epic that will fit into a drama like Little Nornya perfectly. :nailbite:

[Oppsgal]

Last time used to be punish by standing at the corridor, squat down and pull ears in school for naughty students…or can see those secondary students made to face the wall for half an hour…


So if students nowadays cannot be cane and parents tried to explain but still no change because they have their own thinking and are kind of stubborn, what more can be done?