Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[buds]

winth:

There was once I caught DH viewing porn, wa... I kicked such a big fuss, confronted him the very next day and told him how much hurt and how much an insult it was to me. He told me that he only viewed it on 2 occasions but no such thing lor. Porn is addictive. Has been couple of years liao and he has never viewed it. How I know, hee... I installed a keylogger.

Never ever underestimate the addiction to porn.
Curiosity kills the cat.

[skunk]

winth:

There was once I caught DH viewing porn, wa... I kicked such a big fuss, confronted him the very next day and told him how much hurt and how much an insult it was to me.
He told me that he only viewed it on 2 occasions but no such thing lor. Porn is addictive.
Has been couple of years liao and he has never viewed it. How I know, hee... I installed a keylogger.

both i and my wife watch hehe but not together, because she doesn't like the type i watch. usually i watch BBW. she says it's veri sick lol

[Windy]

Yesterday night, the china girl follow my husband home at 2.30am to look for me. We talked and realised that they having affair for more than a year and now my husband want to leave her but she don't want. However, my husband said he will not go for china girl anymore bec they control him and make him pay her money, so far, he had already spend about $12k on her. He don't favour divorce not bec love me but worry abt the maintanance. He said he will still want to continue with his night life but just don't touch those china pro.

[mintcc]

so sorry to hear what happened…his attitude make me :x. After what he had done, still can be so blatant about it. Seems to me he think you can be bullied and he can have his way.


If he doesn’t want a divorce then he better agree to your terms. How do you feel now? Do you want to savage what is left or will you rather leave him or you want to leave him but is worried about your financial future?

[ChiefKiasu]

Windy:

Yesterday night, the china girl follow my husband home at 2.30am to look for me. We talked and realised that they having affair for more than a year and now my husband want to leave her but she don't want. However, my husband said he will not go for china girl anymore bec they control him and make him pay her money, so far, he had already spend about $12k on her. He don't favour divorce not bec love me but worry abt the maintanance. He said he will still want to continue with his night life but just don't touch those china pro.

Dear Windy, I think your hubs is full of it. You are better off with someone else that will treat you better. Take control of your life because it is yours to live, and not someone else's to manipulate.

[ZacK]

Windy:

Yesterday night, the china girl follow my husband home at 2.30am to look for me. We talked and realised that they having affair for more than a year and now my husband want to leave her but she don't want. However, my husband said he will not go for china girl anymore bec they control him and make him pay her money, so far, he had already spend about $12k on her. He don't favour divorce not bec love me but worry abt the maintanance. He said he will still want to continue with his night life but just don't touch those china pro.

Assuming average life span of a person is 80 yrs, the person has a life bank of (60 x 24 x 365 x 80) = 42,048,000 minutes in his/her whole life time... If this person has used up half of the life span, the remaining life bank will be 21,024,000 minutes.

You may feel that is a lot of time left, but considering that we spend a 1/3 of our time sleeping, the remaining time we are awake is 14,016,000 minutes which is approx equivalent to 9733 days or 26 yrs.

The point I am trying to make is... Every minute gone is every minute lost and will never be regained. You have a choice... why not choose to live your life happily and to the fullest extent than to live and suffer in \"silence\".

May you find the strength, peace and wisdom to make that right decision for yourself

[jedamum]

Windy,

Imagine 30-40yrs down the road and that fate has it that your husband becomes very sick; will you be willing to put down everything and care for his every need without complaints til the end?

[winth]

Windy:

Yesterday night, the china girl follow my husband home at 2.30am to look for me. We talked and realised that they having affair for more than a year and now my husband want to leave her but she don't want. However, my husband said he will not go for china girl anymore bec they control him and make him pay her money, so far, he had already spend about $12k on her. He don't favour divorce not bec love me but worry abt the maintanance. He said he will still want to continue with his night life but just don't touch those china pro.

Hi Windy, weird that when we were talking about checking your hubby out and he comes here with a China pro to come look for you.
And the china girl could talk to you 'calmly' (explain things about their affair to you) about what had happened and in the end tell you that she was the one who doesn't wanna leave your hubby, so the blame is hers lar, not your hubby? Weird lar...

So, your hubby is telling you that he learnt his lesson (= no more china girls, other nationalities not included), he doesn't want a divorce bec he is worried about the maintenance?

It's a very crappy story he is giving lar...

When my FIL was kanna caught with a china girl, also said same thing. Caught with indo pro, same thing. Caught with another business lady, also same thing. We also suspect he already has a child outside liao.

You see, these things just go on and on, you will just cry and heal (for a short while) then break down again (and heal again) when he tells you yet another affair.

You should stand up for yourself plus your love for your children. PI should still gather evidence bec at court, he could bite you back and said that there was no such china girl visits to confess to you. Once with solid evidence, then tell him your terms, and what you want to do next. It's not for him to tell you what he wants to do now. The ball should be at your court, not his.

[mintcc]

Just thinking about what Winth say. Agree that concrete evidience is very important. I hope you record down the conversation/confession with the China girl and your hubby. if you haven’t I suggest you find a chance to record concrete evidence e,g, photograph his handphone messages, reciepts etc. Might save you some money in PI cost.


Have you thought through what you want to do and see a lawyer yet?

[Fluffy]

mincy:

Just thinking about what Winth say. Agree that concrete evidience is very important. I hope you record down the conversation/confession with the China girl and your hubby. if you haven't I suggest you find a chance to record concrete evidence e,g, photograph his handphone messages, reciepts etc. Might save you some money in PI cost.


Have you thought through what you want to do and see a lawyer yet?

Just to share my sister's experience who is now undergoing divorce proceeding due to her husband's unreasonable behaviour, adultry acts etc. She is always well prepared whenever the need to record conversation, take photos or video etc. So far, she did not need to engage a PI as she has enough evidence to fight her case due to her alertness. If opportunity arises, she ensure that there is impartial witness around. She also make copies of documents such as bills etc which can be presented in courts. You have to be smarter than your other half to gather as much damaging evidence against them. Get a good lawyer who can advise you. Get your friends, siblings and neighbours to help you. At the end of the day, all you want is to ensure your children and yourself deserve as much financial support and happiness in future without him.