All About Full-Time Maids

[beanstalk]

If you are very sure your helper is not hoodwinking you (since you're not around all the time), do what you can to keep her!


Since it's your mum, you can be straight with her (impossible if it were your MIL). Tell your mum that if you cannot find another good helper, you will have to stop work and there'll be loss of one income...and her allowance might have to be cut :evil:

Tell her to just limit communication with the helper and leave the disciplining to you. Plead with her to tahan the helper until the kids are more grown up and you all can do without one.

[ZuEn]

Beanstalk,

That is exactly what hb is thinking. He even suggest that he will talk to my mum but at the end of the day, I get the blunt of it bcos I am the daughter and he is the Son-in-law.

My mum now nags non-stop at me, repeating to me every evening (after work) and during the weekends about how the maid argues with her. For the same incident, my mum can repeat a few times. Otherwise, bcos the maid irks her, she talks to me sacarstically and drives me crazy. We had a meltdown in the past bcos of the maid during my maternity leave and I had to apologise to her eventually. I also thought it is not worth souring family ties over a maid.

I actually prefer her to discipline the maid directly leh. How to lash out at the maid for something that I didnt see? I also somehow think that the issues could be due to communication problem. In the past, similar occurences took place and when I confronted the maid, I get a different story. When I tried to explain to my mum, my mum thinks I side the maid.

My mum is helping us supervising the maid now. We are also worried that if she’s really pissed and decides that she doesnt want to help and shift back to my brother’s place, we are doomed. DS is still very young and we dont want to send the kids to CC bcos of our long working hours, which will mean that the kids will have to stay in the CC for long hours as well.

Hmmm… I guessed I must be one of the rare kind who have problems with my own mum. Haha.

[ZuEn]

I hope I will get the opportunity to speak nicely to her tonight.

Cannot explode, endure, endure, endure.
Hopefully, she will see that maids will be maids and dont expect too much from them. At least keep the maid until when DS is 18 months so that I can pack both of them to CC?

Wish me luck.

[Peace Charlie]

HI SMH Forest


D Indo maid is helping to cook and look after the elderly… but elderly has been scolding she’s d timid type even when i was telling my girls off she got a shock…i told her mus speak up so that kids will know if she kept her mouth shut how would d kids knows that lunch is ready for them… she came to me tis pm and told me mdm porridge cold already i told her off she shd tell d kids not me n u can see her eyes were teary… my previous Fili maid was too smart once u told her she will know and do it but will act to be forgetful at times…

ZuEn…
I know how u feel cos i was once like u…sandwich in between…i stayed wif my mil…she’s doesn’t like my previous maid which was with me for 8 yrs she’s very good with d kids till today my kids still remembers her… she’s good in her cooking, cleaning and multitasks too bad she decided to venture in taiwan… thus till today we cannot find a good loyal maid…

I’m a FTWM too…leaving my 3 kids with a stranger really scars me…i was tempting to put d kids in after school care but my girls refused as they might be lack of sleep and no freedom… thus I told my girls have to be smarter than this maid and react fast i’ve been brainwashing my girls with lots of emergency tips… SIGH keeping my finger cross…

[bzmum22]

ZuEn:

Beanstalk,

That is exactly what hb is thinking. He even suggest that he will talk to my mum but at the end of the day, I get the blunt of it bcos I am the daughter and he is the Son-in-law.

My mum now nags non-stop at me, repeating to me every evening (after work) and during the weekends about how the maid argues with her. For the same incident, my mum can repeat a few times. Otherwise, bcos the maid irks her, she talks to me sacarstically and drives me crazy. We had a meltdown in the past bcos of the maid during my maternity leave and I had to apologise to her eventually. I also thought it is not worth souring family ties over a maid.

I actually prefer her to discipline the maid directly leh. How to lash out at the maid for something that I didnt see? I also somehow think that the issues could be due to communication problem. In the past, similar occurences took place and when I confronted the maid, I get a different story. When I tried to explain to my mum, my mum thinks I side the maid.

My mum is helping us supervising the maid now. We are also worried that if she's really pissed and decides that she doesnt want to help and shift back to my brother's place, we are doomed. DS is still very young and we dont want to send the kids to CC bcos of our long working hours, which will mean that the kids will have to stay in the CC for long hours as well.

Hmmm... I guessed I must be one of the rare kind who have problems with my own mum. Haha.

You mean your mum cannot scold the maid when she argues with her? Like that cannot work. You will have to give your mum the authority to tell the maid wat to do and to tell the maid off if she does wrong, when you are not at home.
You need to tell your maid to respect your mum as the elder in the house. Tell your maid that your mum is the mother/boss of her boss (ie you). She will have to take instructions from your mum and learn to get along with her, cannot make her angry, cannot argue with her, else you cannot keep her.
Sometimes Mum makes noise 'cos she is seeking attention or she is tired. Probably, she feels that you haven't been appreciative of her efforts to help supervise your maid....you are taking her for granted. You need to show your appreciation more.
Anyhow, do bear in mind that maids do behave differently in front of employers. So cannot take maid's behaviour at face value. Eg. when my maid is in her ya-ya mood, and my mum questions my maid on something she has done. My maid can sound like she is damn pissed off with my mum when she replies my mum. Then she can go on to justify why she do things this way like she has every right to do things her own way, and this can really set my mum off. But she will never do that to me when I talk to her or when I'm within sight.
So you will need to ascertain whether wat your mum said is true lor and don't be blinded by your maid. Never show maid or mum that you are siding the maid. Can have very bad consequences. When your mum complains, just take the message. Don't need to justify to mum why maid behaves that way. Then go and tell your maid that you heard this from your mum. Don't need to ask if it is true or not 'cos you must always assume that your mum is correct. Just tell your maid your expectation on this issue and tell her you dun wan to hear another complaint from your mum abt this issue.

[ZuEn]

Peace Charlie,

Tat is why I think the maid has to go if things really dont work out. I can hardly tahan the nagging.

bzmum,
Judging by the way my mum talks to the maid, I am very sure that she scolds/ lectures/ tells the maid off when the maid pissed her. And I tell her to do so too. Yet for some reason, she wants me to do it again in her presence. I always tell my maid to just listen and dun argue with ah mah. Of course, the maid will tell me that she did not and the story often sounded like a miscommunication to me, which is possible given my mum’s poor english.

I guessed I just have to learn to trust my mum 100% even if the maid didnt do or intended to do what my mum said. At least if I appease my mum, I get peace. The most is that the maid quits. Then we just have to look for another one. At that time, I will also remind my mum that she joined forces with me, resulting her resignation.

[Peace Charlie]

Hi Zu En


Its best to side with yr mom cos mom is always the 1 we can trust dont even trust d maid i learnt my lessons… my mil aron d maid behave once she is gone maid turn the table upside down invite her friends over for chit chat session, on the hp for most of the afternoon, nv bother to do d housework…I now realise the importance of having an elderly aron to keep watch these maids… but elderly do get sensitive tat everyone is caring for the maid not them… hard to please too…i understand… at times have to please the elderly cos they are d 1 keeping watch for us whereas for maids they r heartless jus say want to go back without hesitate of our needs to make arrangements…

I would like to find out Fili or indo better?? I recently got from this agent I spent quite a hefty amount on the agent fee… felt being "daylight rob" my previous agent charged reasonable but most are fili not many indo due to hari raya… have to pick the maid up myself usualy my previous agent will deliver to me… quite a personal service…too bad not many biodata … n i lost my trust in fili lor…still think that indo are more reliable but recent news also shaken my confidence in them have been worry would they have mental problem My DH told me that i read too much of the maid forum that cause me to think negative HAA HAA

[bzmum22]

ZuEn:

At that time, I will also remind my mum that she joined forces with me, resulting her resignation.

Aiyo, cannot do this lah. The least you want is your mum to abandon ship and you also hv no maid. Trust me, it is unlikely to be miscommunication. Your maid is 9 mths w your mum, she is a PHL maid, not likely she still dun understand your mum, not matter how broken your mum's English is. PHL maids are quite smart. And somehow, the old folks have a way to communicate with maids and make them understand. I rem I had a confinement nanny who dun speak a word of English and yet she can make my fresh PHL maid of 1 week understand her, and they often chit chat in the kitchen. And that fresh maid of ours can complain that she dun understand me and my hubby even though we speak proper English.
I also hv the same arrangement as you (ie hv kids, hv maid and hv mum to supervise maid and I'm also a FTWM), so I understand your frustration with the situation 'cos I also need to diffuse the \"bomb\" betw mum n maid once every few months, sometimes resulting in changing maids. But no choice, as long as we need our mum's help I can only complain loudly to my hubby why my life is so tough .

[ZuEn]

I didnt talk to my mum last night as she seems to be in a mood. So I didnt wan to break the spell.


Peace Charlie,
All of maids are PHL bcos I used to leave my DD alone with them for a few hours a day and I need them to be able to take instructions. Not sure abt INDO maids but I guessed it all voiced down to luck at the end of the day.

bzmum,
True! My maid seems to understand what we are chatting about when we speaks in Mandarin and bits on English on other stuff, but tells me that she cannot understand ah mah's instruction at times. But my mum's english really powerful. She can use the same term like \"small\" to mean many things such as \"small, a little bit, slow\" and the mean has to decipher what she actually wants.

Haha, if the maid really leave, I purposely want to remind her that she has a share too so that when the next one comes and not as good, she doesnt point her finger at me. :evil:
Humans are forgetful leh.

I also told my hb that he is my only source of outlet before I go :siao: .
If my mum is evil to my maid, I am fine lah but she has to be angry with me when the maid irks her. :sad:
And she further irritates me by comparing my maid with my bbro's maid, singing the praises of their maid, when I dun see theirs to be much better. They are all maids, all the same lor. The she has to tell me mockingly that they handle their maid better. :frustrated:

[bzmum22]

ZuEn:

If my mum is evil to my maid, I am fine lah but she has to be angry with me when the maid irks her. :sad:

And she further irritates me by comparing my maid with my bbro's maid, singing the praises of their maid, when I dun see theirs to be much better. They are all maids, all the same lor. The she has to tell me mockingly that they handle their maid better. :frustrated:

Wah, ur mum and my mum can be friends lei.
My mum also does the same to me. She even go to the extent that when she complains abt the maid not helping her and I offer to help her set routine for the maid in her house (as my maid and kids will go to her house during weekdays), she will mockingly tell me to look after my own house lah and remind me of all the previous maids that I've to change, even though the issues with those maids are not in me. And then of coz, she will also tell me how well my sil handles her maid, even though just a few days ago, she was complaining to me abt the other maid and how my sil dun care, nvr tell/teach/scold the maid....blah...blah...blah.
Other ppl thinks that I'm so lucky to hv my mum help me with my maid and kids. They dun understand the frustrations and stress that I face with my mum in this aspect. 'Cos I'm her daughter, she have no qualms telling me off when she is not happy with my maid, but she will not do it to my bro or his wife for fear of making them angry.