Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[Busymom]

Hi Windy


Would you want to share what does the lawyer think should be your next course of action? Does he think you have a strong case or would you still need to have some hard evidence if you choose to divorce? Understand that it may not be advisable for you to say too much at this juncture, but perhaps wise Insider could give you some pointers to consider as well?

[Windy]

I will win the case as I had 2 confession note for adultery signed by him. Everytime when I caught him red handed, I will forced him to sign confession note, so I caught him twice. A letter which he would agreed with divorce if he visit the KTV again. A voice tape recording when his china PRO came over to my house and pour out everything. A letter to stated that a certain amount that he had agreed to pay to me every month. He will agreed to pay me 45% of his salary, our house and the children custody and he will not contest. He don't favour divorce as it don't sound good but no choice if I insisted. Told him that he can revoke if he had change his life style, but he will not change, I know. He don't want me to know any new guy after divorce, but told him I can't promise. We will still stay togather for the children and will not tell them until they grow older. This is my plan. :roll:

[Andaiz]

Windy:

We will still stay togather for the children and will not tell them until they grow older. This is my plan. :roll:

I agree with Insider that this may not be the best option as the children will learn this \"coping\" mechanism and see nothing wrong in being in an (emotionally) abusive marriage.

Windy, could you share why you want to still stay together? Is it to maintain some semblance of a family for the children? Not sure how old they are but would it not confuse them?

Could this arrangement be because of financial or other issues?

Just my 2 cts worth - if possible, try to make a clean break as possible. You can still be parents to the children - this is separate from your marital relationship (even staying under the same roof).

Windy:

He don't want me to know any new guy after divorce, but told him I can't promise.

That's another consideration....how're either of you (more you, than him I guess) going to tell the children when you meet someone you think you want to live the rest of your life with?

It's a very selfish request from him though.

[Ahmih]

Windy:

I felt sorry for my children as I had change from a loving mom to an uncaring mom after I realised abt my HB affair...


...Told him that he can revoke if he had change his life style, but he will not change, I know. He don't want me to know any new guy after divorce, but told him I can't promise. We will still stay togather for the children and will not tell them until they grow older. This is my plan. :roll:

Windy I think I understand how you feel. On one hand you have your kids best interests at heart and the other hand, your husband is causing a great injustice to your efforts through his actions and behavor.

Making a choice is never easy, especially when it involves more than jus yourself. My GF is swinging from one end to the other too. One moment she is going to sign on the line, the next, she gets soften by his words and slight 'good behavor'. Sure, maybe her HB 'sin' doesn't deserve a divorce, but it is no less 'sin' of the same nature, lust. And this can be a root for much misery be it now or later.

Another penny regarding divorce: Have to be prepare for a scenario where your HB default on the monthly alimony. My GF bro said the same to my GF. Some guys after a while or even immediately after divorce, they don't want to support their family. Then what are you prepare to do and what can you do. Know your options.

As for my GF, she had another session with HB and counselor and now HB 'sing' a different tune again. Saying porn is 'alright' since he cut down on his 'portion of time spent' and that he spent all his time with family now. What abt his pact with my GF? She stays so that he quits totally? Gone with the wind I guess. And he also avoided telling the new counselor that he had a prior agreement with the last counselor to follow-up with addiction problem. He told the counselor he didn't see any problems here at all. Except my GF, always looking at the negative - porn. Duh??? His words chilled my GF further. But she's also havn't got the courage to take that final step. It's a big decision afterall...

[mintcc]

Windy:

Told him that he can revoke if he had change his life style, but he will not change, I know. He don't want me to know any new guy after divorce, but told him I can't promise. We will still stay togather for the children and will not tell them until they grow older. This is my plan. :roll:

Glad you have taken the steps to protect youself. As for knowing a new guy after divorce. It will be non of his business even if you do. As for the children, I am not too sure that staying together and not telling them is the best. Perhaps you might want to do some research in the area on what is the best way to talk to the kids about the divorce...

[winth]

[buds]

Define broken... :idea:


Is it broken pieces ie.quarreling, no children maintenance,
EMA, (etc) .... within a family still bound together? Or is it
a family already separated by divorce? It seems tt some
posts refer to already separated family members and a
handful still together... as in living together and still
legally bound together on paper.

[buds]

Windy:

I will win the case as I had 2 confession note for adultery signed by him. Everytime when I caught him red handed, I will forced him to sign confession note, so I caught him twice. A letter which he would agreed with divorce if he visit the KTV again. A voice tape recording when his china PRO came over to my house and pour out everything. A letter to stated that a certain amount that he had agreed to pay to me every month. He will agreed to pay me 45% of his salary, our house and the children custody and he will not contest. He don't favour divorce as it don't sound good but no choice if I insisted. Told him that he can revoke if he had change his life style, but he will not change, I know. He don't want me to know any new guy after divorce, but told him I can't promise. We will still stay togather for the children and will not tell them until they grow older. This is my plan. :roll:

Windy sweetie, i find that deep down inside you still care
for your husband. Most times sacrificing for the children
only works so much. But if your heart somehow still has
some feelings for him, that's when you will badger on..

Only YOU know what is best for you. I'm hoping that the
children are in no way exposed to what goes around in
the house between you two.. cos there are women who
are that tough. Displaying the strong armoured front &
always with a loving smile and affection for the children
that everything is going all right... but inside they are
actually torn, hurt, and dying.. But so long the family is
together, everyone's happy doing the usual routine stuff
as a family and the individual responsibilities that each
has to undertake as well... it should mean everything is
well.

Not everyone is tough enough to go through a divorce
which in most cases will be messy, prolonged and painful
to live through.

Since you chose this path, i am very sure there are already
the underlying reasons you chose it.. Windy... you will be
in my thoughts and my prayers. And with this choice you
have already made, try your best to live your life happy
in a manner you may find happiness.

Keep all the documentation safely and a copy with someone
you trust in case yours get lost, missing or burnt.. :roll: That
is your back up plan. That when you find you reach a dead end,
you should have some faith however with THAT all may not be lost..
Stay or go, you will need savings to trudge on life with your children.
My heart is with them too, and i hope they are well.. Seek solace in the
company of your children and be happy with them, so they will in turn
find happiness for you..... for now.

Stay safe. For yourself and for your children.
Am here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just let it all out.

Take care Windy.. :love:

[winth]

[winth]

buds:

Is it broken pieces ie.quarreling, no children maintenance,

EMA, (etc) .... within a family still bound together? Or is it
a family already separated by divorce?

Sorry about the confusion.

To me, it's quite clear that when a marriage is no longer bonded by the love, respect and responsibilities as husband and wife, it is already broken, regardless whether it is legally married or divorced.

For M&N's case, the parents were legally married, husband could still fight for children's custody etc.