Raising Resilient Children

[LOLMum]

my ds said he would be worried if classmates said school doesnt allow students to wear that watch design. so need me to check with school. if school said ok, he would just wear it.


for all other comments like childish, not nice, cheap etc comments, ds said to ask your ds to ignore the comments and tell classmates to mind their own business.

[markfch]

puff:

Let him choose his own watch n let him know he make the choice so he got to stick to it

But I've already bought a new watch. It's not cheap, cost me $69.

ksi:

I will ask him to check on the valid watch models permissible in school and take it from there. If the model is really not acceptable, then he has to pay for the next watch since he has not found out the information before making the purchase of the Swatch watch.

However, my gutfeel tells me that something is amiss. If a transformer watch was acceptable, it would be strange that a swatch was not acceptable. What special swatch do you have or the boys are just pulling his leg?

Can tell your dd must be very mature. Agree. That's why I asked ds if next time his friends say cannot wear underwear, does that mean that he'll not? He found the example very funny but I was fuming mad when I said it. I think his friends are playing tricks on him too, knowing that he's such a sensitive boy.

Mdm Koh:

I think the best solution in this case will be no watch at all, until he can learn how to disregard others' comments. It's what I would do.

That's what I told him. It's either he a) ignore friends' comments and be strong, b) checks with his FT if he wants to be assured or c) don't wear watch if it really bothered him but don't complain to me later he doesn't know the time.

But as I analysed the situation again, I think I may have expected ds to grow up too fast. I mean which 7-yr old kid will not be influenced by what his friends say?

[markfch]

Vevey:

How abt verifying w the sch on any restriction on watches & take it from there?

If there isn't any restriction, then role-play w ur son to ignore/refute his friends' comments.
If the watch is indeed disallowed, then guess really hv to buy him another watch. He can still wear the swatch for family outings.

Yah, told ds to check with FT if he's really bothered. Good suggestion. I may try role-play to strengthen his resolve to withstand his friends' criticism. Thanks. But if really not allowed (unlikely though), of course I'll bring him to choose another watch and he'll have to be responsible for that decision making process.

vlim:

you are a good daddy markfch to put yourself in your ds shoes... well, to me I will get him another watch so tt he will feel better as the existing one might be really too kiddish ...afterall the new one can last him at least for the next 2-3 yrs..

I thought it's a bit wasteful to get ds another watch after 1 week, just because of comments from friends. It's not those few dollar things that I can close my eyes, that watch is not cheap to me.

The thing that bothered me most is why is ds so weak? Why can't he shake off comments like I do. Then I remember I'm 6 times older than him. I'll like to make this one of those character-defining moments whereby ds learns to be stronger and more independent.

Pen88n:

Is the Swatch watch chosen by your DS or you bought it for him without his input?

If the watch was not chosen by him in the 1st place, then I would bring him to choose a watch of his choice. That will be the choice he has to stick to for the next 2-3 years (unless watch spoilt under no fault of his). Again, if he wants to change watch due to change of taste, it will only be thru' an appreciation of some extra effort he put in to achieve something.

Nope, watch was chosen by me during ds's enrichment. Unless really confirm from sch that that ordinary-looking watch is not allowed, it's unlikely I'll get ds another. Where do I draw the line? Next time could be school bag, pencil case or shoes. It'll never end unless he learns to cope with criticism.

[markfch]

LOLMum:

my ds said he would be worried if classmates said school doesnt allow students to wear that watch design. so need me to check with school. if school said ok, he would just wear it.


for all other comments like childish, not nice, cheap etc comments, ds said to ask your ds to ignore the comments and tell classmates to mind their own business.

Before lights out, ds rationalised that if that watch is not allowed, there should be a list from school. Since no such list exists (at least not to us anyway), then he's free to continue wearing it. Don't know whether he said that just to please me, or he really thought it through? But that's a nice thought.

Thanks to all for your advice; that's why I love this site.

[vlim]

You have a wonder boy, markfch .. :love:

[corneyAmber]

markfch:

LOLMum:

my ds said he would be worried if classmates said school doesnt allow students to wear that watch design. so need me to check with school. if school said ok, he would just wear it.


for all other comments like childish, not nice, cheap etc comments, ds said to ask your ds to ignore the comments and tell classmates to mind their own business.

Before lights out, ds rationalised that if that watch is not allowed, there should be a list from school. Since no such list exists (at least not to us anyway), then he's free to continue wearing it. Don't know whether he said that just to please me, or he really thought it through? But that's a nice thought.

Thanks to all for your advice; that's why I love this site.

There you go....he got the right answer to your concerns... :imcool:

[verykiasu2010]

the school should have a list of what is allowed


did you miss it from the orientation package ?

safest is ‘black and white’ watches, Casio has many models, cheap and good, damaged or lost = no big deal

teaching your son to be ‘strong’ and not be swayed by friends’ ‘careless remarks’ is not a one-sentence one day job. it takes time and makes use of various day to day activities / incidents to impart the value and the merit of it.

but this watch incident is a good start

[Nebbermind]

verykiasu2010:

teaching your son to be 'strong' and not be swayed by friends' 'careless remarks' is not a one-sentence one day job. it takes time and makes use of various day to day activities / incidents to impart the value and the merit of it.

Sometimes it may not be bcoz he was swayed. It might be he just wanted the same watch as his best friend...or some awesome watch his classmate has.

We had our fair share of the above...when they say \"I want a pair of new shoes\", it really meant \"I want THAT pair of shoes\" and not any other types....

[verykiasu2010]

Nebbermind:

verykiasu2010:

teaching your son to be 'strong' and not be swayed by friends' 'careless remarks' is not a one-sentence one day job. it takes time and makes use of various day to day activities / incidents to impart the value and the merit of it.

Sometimes it may not be bcoz he was swayed. It might be he just wanted the same watch as his best friend...or some awesome watch his classmate has.

We had our fair share of the above...when they say \"I want a pair of new shoes\", it really meant \"I want THAT pair of shoes\" and not any other types....

yes yes sounds familiar

since the request is so indirect, i will just go for prima facie what is said, not what is unsaid ..... and the answer is, \"wait till this one is worn out first\" .... and get the \"okay\" answer too .....

[markfch]

Thanks for the compliments, vlim & ksi.

verykiasu2010:

teaching your son to be 'strong' and not be swayed by friends' 'careless remarks' is not a one-sentence one day job. it takes time and makes use of various day to day activities / incidents to impart the value and the merit of it.

but this watch incident is a good start

Sometimes ds will shock me with his level of rationalising; sometimes he'll piss me with that extreme sensitivity he occasionally displays.

Yup, more than academic excellence, I would really like ds to grow up strong in character and stout in perseverance. This watch incident is really a good starting point.

We're been role-playing how to handle further comments from his friends this afternoon. Looks like we're getting somewhere. Really must thank Vevey again for that helpful suggestion. :celebrate: