In-law problems?

[clioclio]

Maybe she is trying to get ur attention since ur brother is oversea.

How often do u need to go back there?

If not u just go there for a meal then left...dun stay for too long to be hurt by her words. If she wants to see the grandchild, can you just drop the kids there for her to play with and then pick them up later after ur errand?[/quote]

don't mind my 2cents worth---don't send your kids to grandma's plce on their own if the relationship with yr mum is strained. My MIL dislikes me because both she and I are stubborn in what we believe how my kids shd be raised. Its' quite bad now and last week when my hubby drop the kids at her plce, she bad mouthed me in front of my kids, told them 'your mummy is a mu lao hu (tigress) and huai dan (Bad egg!). I didn know about it until my 4 yr old suddenly blurted out the next day during meal time! I was shocked and angry. Don't want my kids to be pawns in this MIL-DIL relationship!

That said, the challenge is also for us mums to model what is good behavoiur to our children. FOr me, i want to scream and scold my mil back but i told my girl--NO, Grandma is wrong. It is wrong to call people names. You don't like to be called names right? So we don't call other people names. Secondly, on separate occassions, i will also tell my kids grandma/pa are old so we must look out for them/look after them. We don't want to be caught cursing at our ILs or parents and what would the kids think. I believe that when the kids r older, they will remember these words and they will understand the struggle that their parents had to endure with difficult parents/in laws.

Im not a saint, i also feel very upset with MIL, but i do not want to embroil my kids in such complicated relationships at such a tender age. They are stuck in a dilemma because at least for my case, I know my girl loves me and my MIL alot.

[funkymonkey]

My PIL lives with us....we are of different races...i have 3 kids and been married for 12 years..biting my tongue for :censored: 12 years.....even though DH is not the only child they don't want to stay with BIL who HAVE NO KIDS...or SIL who is NOT MARRIED but have her own home...when we go market or NTUC and my kids walk with us..i'm always the \"maid\" as my kids dun look like me....when DS was a baby and we were at the market and fishmonger commented to MIL not to let \"maid\"carry the baby ...she didn't even correct him!!!!I spoke back to him in my best mandarin and the apek was left with mouth WIDE OPEN!!!

I know they love the grandchildren and sometimes when kids ask why nai-nai naggy at mama,i always tell them it's because they are old and sometimes they get grumpy( like mama but even worse ....)
once my DD told her nai-nai to go take a nap coz she's getting too cranky!! :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
I always tell my kids that when I'm old i might be grouchy and grumpy and extra extra naggy so we have to be patient lor....worse come to worse...go bedroom and snuggle/cuddle

[Flowermonaster]

Funkymonkey, I really :salute: you! Even of same race it's already tough enough to stay with ILs & you of different race can stay with them for so long!

:udawoman:

[janet88]

Flowermonaster:

Funkymonkey, I really :salute: you! Even of same race it's already tough enough to stay with ILs & you of different race can stay with them for so long!

:udawoman:

Agree 100%. Not same race is hard enough, but you had to stay with ILs who are older as well. :salute: there is culture shock.

[fifiyeo]

I strongly agree that one should never send the kids over to parents or in-laws homes alone if the relationship is strained.


My DS used to go over with the maid and my MIL would find whatever chance she can to \"innocently\" bad mouth about me to my DS.

Even right in my face she would say nasty stuff. Once DS was about 3 yrs old and he tripped while running in the living room. It wasn't a hard fall and he didn't cry. Seeing that he didn't knocked himself against anything I assured him it was alright. Next thing I know, MIL who was next to me snapped loudly and said, \" Oh, come over to nai nai and nai nai sayang. Don't know what kind of mother, chay! Nai nai carry don't cry.\" Then she snatched him from me. He wasn't even crying until he was snapped from me. :mad:

In fact for a brief few months I stayed with my ILs, I find that I can click with the grandparent ILs than parent ILs. I guess MIL saw that and was perhaps super jealous about it. Grandma IL always singing praises of me to relatives so I think MIL can't stand it 'cos she must always win and Grandma IL isn't really happy with her. Well, how does she expect to be a hot favourite if she throws pots and slams things around all the time when she's not happy and she does that even towards grandparent ILs.

So MIL has been coming out with ways to sabo me and as years goes by, my FIL and sibling ILs also hate me. Sometimes my SIL behave like she saw ghost when she sees me. :mad: :mad: :mad:

If one sees us, they would think wow you guys are all getting along fine as one big happy family. But all of us know that unhappy feelings are mutual and it's just a show for all to see. So I really hate it when I have to see them.

[funkymonkey]

Hi Janetlee_88 and Flower monaster,


Thanks for your moral support!!

[funkymonkey]

fifiyeo:

Sometimes my SIL behave like she saw ghost when she sees me. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Oh.... I sure know how THAT feels :snuggles:

[buds]

Funkymonkey... :snuggles:

[clioclio]

fifiyeo, Yikes! If my MIL did that to me I will errupt!!!

Yes, the ‘insinuations’ can be so ‘innocent’…sometimes I myself wonder if i’m too sensitive/biased. Like when i go over to ILs plce for dinner and I cringe when my MIL makes snide remarks, my hubby will not even notice until i gripe about it on the car ride home…
My situation was not as jialat as yours…my boy was ard 6-7months and he’s always drooling so sometimes his neck has rashes. Once at MIL’s plce, she carried him and noticed some rash on his neck (we have tried to be diligent in cleaning,wiping his neck already) —she exclaimed, "Baby so poor thing, They never clean you properly, you are so uncomfortable, sayang sayang,e tc". In my mind the "THEY never clean you properly" was like…

[fifiyeo]

clioclio:

fifiyeo, Yikes! If my MIL did that to me I will errupt!!!

Yes, the 'insinuations' can be so 'innocent'...sometimes I myself wonder if i'm too sensitive/biased. Like when i go over to ILs plce for dinner and I cringe when my MIL makes snide remarks, my hubby will not even notice until i gripe about it on the car ride home..
My situation was not as jialat as yours...my boy was ard 6-7months and he's always drooling so sometimes his neck has rashes. Once at MIL's plce, she carried him and noticed some rash on his neck (we have tried to be diligent in cleaning,wiping his neck already) ---she exclaimed, \"Baby so poor thing, They never clean you properly, you are so uncomfortable, sayang sayang,e tc\". In my mind the \"THEY never clean you properly\" was like....

ClioClio....yap, sure know how you feel. Men usually don't notice such small remarks made by ILs, but the remarks I get are really quite obvious that even DH notices it more than me since I just try to treat them like singing some irritating song and get on with life.

Last time we used to go back to eat during the weekends. MIL will always be so upset in the kitchen slamming things around and shouting at her maids. So you know, the maids see us also sian. They must be thinking, OMG those 2 and their kids again...going to kena bad day from MIL. She's not like that with her other children.

MIL will tell FIL how she so nice lah, cooking all our favourite food and then when I go to the kitchen to help out, I see her face so black. If FIL suddenly walks in, wah she just change into another person. Once DH was in the kitchen when she threw the wok from the stove into the sink 1m away, wok landed with a loud crash and that was it. We never went back for meals again unless it was a big family occassion.

Now I don't talk much to my ILs. Just some simple polite exchange of greetings and everything else as little as possible without creating any major conflicts.