Dealing with a Negative Child

[cherrygal]

DS (the eldest) used to object violently when I tried to coach him in his work. He only softened when I took the reverse psychology - "OK, then never mind, don’t listen to me then…"


It is only when I "refused" to coach him that he would say he wanted to learn… weird but true. Sometimes we need to go the other way instead of having a head-on collision.

And when I spot mistakes in his work occasionally, I tell him in a joking manner… A bit of candour and patience helps. In fact, I only check that he has done the homework. If he says yes, I leave it at that.

Verygeksim, if your DD is very defensive against you spotting her mistakes, then don’t check her work line by line any more. Just check with her that all homework has been completed and TRUST her. In fact, teachers dun want parents to correct their kids’ work as they want the kid to learn through the mistakes.

With young children nowadays, we must be careful not to step on their pride and self-confidence while pointing out their mistakes. These children are getting too sensitive with our protective parenting ways I guess.

[verygeksim]

hi jean, bean bear, toddles and cherrygal


thank you much for your advice and encouragement.

[verygeksim]

verygeksim:

Hi jean

Thank you for the advice. I will be looking out for the book.

When it comes to checking work done, how do I provide feedback as opposed to criticism (yes, my girl probably sees it that way)?

She does her homework on her own and I come in to go through it. I don't always correct her errors although I am ParticulAr about neatness.

On that day, I wanted to show her how to gO about checking her own work. Err... But it didn't turn out well...

Oopsie. :oops: This should be addressed to Jade. Paiseh, paiseh.

[Jade]

There are gems of wisdom from the various parents posts here. Sometimes(or rather most of the time), when dealing with people n relationships, "fast is slow, and slow is fast". I hope u will give some thots to this n work on mending the relationship first. Take a step back for the time being when it comes to checking your DD’s work. All the best.

[Breadandmuffins]

Hi Jade

I find yr posts really helpful to me too. Could u also give an example of how verygeksim’s conversation with her DD should be when she was trying to point out her mistakes? Very often, I find the parenting books giving advice which I find hard to put into action.

Thank you.

[toddles]

verygeksim:

hi jean, bean bear, toddles and cherrygal


thank you much for your advice and encouragement.

You're welcome!

If u feel comfortable, maybe can share with us what it was in the past that kinda damaged the rlp?

[verygeksim]

oh yes, and thank you Jennifer too.


Jean, Jade and Jennifer posted consecutively … J J J… got a bit confused.

[verygeksim]

hi jean

"fast is slow and slow is fast" is certainly something I have to mull over.

I thought the book you mentioned was a title by Dr Louise Porter but I realised that the author you mentioned is a He. Could you share the title of the book you’re referring to, please?

[Jade]

verygeksim:

hi jean

\"fast is slow and slow is fast\" is certainly something I have to mull over.

I thought the book you mentioned was a title by Dr Louise Porter but I realised that the author you mentioned is a He. Could you share the title of the book you're referring to, please?

Hi verygeksim

U hv PM! Btw I m Jade through n through. Not Jean...u must be really very Gek sim until..... :slapshead:

[autumnbronze]

toddles:

I also read a book \"if i have to tell you one more time\" that discourages praise and encourages affirmation because the former is dependent on the \"praiser\".

e.g.
Praise: I'm so proud of you (child becomes addicted to pleasing parent at all costs)
Affirmation: You must be so proud of how you've done that. (focuses on child)

Praise: Good girl! (why is she good? what in particular is good? am i bad, if you don't call me good?)
Affirmation: You were really helpful in doing that for your sister. (focuses on
the behaviour).

Of course, I take the advice with a pinch of salt, cos sometimes I just want to say \"I'm so proud of you!\" because I am. But not to say it so often that their self-worth is caught up in what mama thinks of them. And instead of
\"good girl!\" I say \" that's really good behaviour!\" and never say \"you've been a bad girl\", but say \"that's bad behaviour\".

Hi Toddles,

Thank you for sharing these useful tips :hugs: