In-law problems?
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CookiesMonster:
:yikes:my MIL is a hoarder aka karang guni.
she likes to collect stuff like plastic container that are used in food courts. this is ok except her stash can last a food stall to use for 3 months.
my FIL likes to turn sofa into hedgehog. will stick used toothpicks into crooks n crevices. unsuspecting guests will be poked at places where they least expected. -
CookiesMonster:
Mine also Karang guni...loves to collect things. Those free bowls from buying toothpaste or whatever, she can keep them like some limited edition stuff.my MIL is a hoarder aka karang guni.
she likes to collect stuff like plastic container that are used in food courts. this is ok except her stash can last a food stall to use for 3 months.
my FIL likes to turn sofa into hedgehog. will stick used toothpicks into crooks n crevices. unsuspecting guests will be poked at places where they least expected.
But the joke is really about the sofa :rotflmao: hedgehog ? Is it bcos he is lazy to throw the toothpicks after using ? -
fightingmom:
:rotflmao:
:yikes:CookiesMonster:
my MIL is a hoarder aka karang guni.
she likes to collect stuff like plastic container that are used in food courts. this is ok except her stash can last a food stall to use for 3 months.
my FIL likes to turn sofa into hedgehog. will stick used toothpicks into crooks n crevices. unsuspecting guests will be poked at places where they least expected.
Mine loves to collect expired stuff .. ..diff is she dispose of them as 'gifts' for my DS in batches.. .. :faint: -
I am the opposite of a Karang kuni...I love to clear.
Hubby inherited his mother's habit of keeping things. When I do spring cleaning twice a year, I make sure I do a job that is obvious. Of course he has to be at work for me to carry out this enjoyable job :evil:
But I do make him clear his drawers...all those hp chargers, plugs, IT stuff. As such I do not give him a lot of drawers, or else he will simply move those stuff from one drawer to another. -
CookiesMonster:
Maybe he thinks the sofa is strictly um... His property? He is trying to say \"tresspassers keep out\".my MIL is a hoarder aka karang guni.
she likes to collect stuff like plastic container that are used in food courts. this is ok except her stash can last a food stall to use for 3 months.
my FIL likes to turn sofa into hedgehog. will stick used toothpicks into crooks n crevices. unsuspecting guests will be poked at places where they least expected.
:evil:
Much as her quirks are my private joke, my MIL is very thoughtful, sometimes. She shows it by wrapping each and every item in zip lock. Imagine, individually packed clothes, water bottle, keys, toys etc for my son. And for my husband? Individually wrapped tonic. -
:lovesite: Wow.. i finally finished reading all the pages in this thread (in batches backtracking of cos, but 429pages took me a long while)!
It is interested to read the various experiences that other DIL have with their MIL. And also good advice from the forummers. Some of the scarier stories really made me feel like my own MIL isnt so bad even if some days in-laws issues make me so grump. But i think it is more myself than them at times.
My DH is a sort of typical SG guy and cares alot of his own parents/sister. I know sometimes he finds it difficult to balance our needs (him, me and DD) alongside the in-laws' when they come into conflict. Even if rationally i can understand that as the only son (he only have one younger sister), sometimes emotionally i find myself resenting my in-laws. The biggest point of contention with us is the fact that me, DH and DD lives overseas and for many reasons, i rather not go back to SG and bring DD up there BUT DH is adament that we will go back after he finished his studies here because his parents expects us to.
Actually, my PILs are simple folks. My FIL is generally okie and very independent. My SIL is very very nice and i really like her. She loves buying stuff for my DD and also help 'shield' me from my MIL sometimes. My MIL is not 'bad' but i guess maybe i come from a very different background, so i find it difficult to see/undst her POV. She is abit timid and i feel, insecure cos she grew up with domineering brothers. Until now her oldest bro (aka DH's uncle) still have a lot of say in my DH's family. My MIL is so scared of offending him that she will bend over backwards, including getting her kids (by extension, me) to do things to please the uncle. That uncle dont like me very much and before i even married into the family, gave me a 'talk' to say how as a wife i should be obedient to my DH and listen to him. Basically saying \"a rich girl marry into a poor man's family, must bend her head down to serve her husband family\" type things. I was so insulted!
While we were in SG, my DH is always so stress about doing all the things the uncle say we should do (mostly 'traditional' things which made no sense or actually my own PILs dont follow) because DH himself dont see the point and he knows i dont like BUT still have to do because he say if he dont try to follow, my MIL will have a hard time from her family and suffer from their gossips. He is also concerned that if I dont do what the uncle say, the uncle will go around making snide remarks about my MIL for not controlling the 'rich arrogant' DIL. I undst DH being protective of his mom but i am upset that our lives should be dictated by some people who really has not business controlling us... and yes, inwardly, i resent my MIL for being \"weak\".
At least now that we are not in SG, i dont have to deal with such things except during our yearly trip back then the uncle will pull DH aside and tell him shouldnt always listen to wife, must think about parents and about going back to SG. He always does it within my earshot so i guess it is really meant for me to listen though he dont ever talk to me already. Other times he will talk to my MIL in their hainanese dialect while looking at me and i see my MIL just meekly look embarrassed and look down. After that, my MIL will try to be 'tougher' with me but it doesnt work on me. I am not the quarrelsome type but if people give me sh*t, i just clam up and stop talking. So MIL also paiseh will just leave me alone.
Now i dread going back to SG. In Melb, i feel DD has a better childhood, my career has better work-life balance (i work part time, end work by 430 and still earn slightly more than SG) and recognition than back in SG and DH has the freedom to explore and commit to a research of his interest with no tuition fees instead of slogging from 630am till 7pm at MOE. Now life is slow and DH and I get devote alot of time with DD.
Next week my PILs are coming for a visit. I am abit stressed because i am sure MIL will start asking when my DH graduate (he is doing his PHD) and when we go back. MIL cannot undst how come we would prefer living in Melb instead of SG. Her ideal life for us, is what she sees her siblings' kids have.. i.e. have HDB flat, later upgrade condo, have a car, have kids let grandfolks (her) take care plus 1 maid while both parents working hard to save money. She was very sad when i told her that's not what me and DH wanted and even if in SG, i will want to take care of DD myself. Nothing against her per se but that's my own philosophy about parenting.
Sigh... :gloomy:
Ahh well.. didnt realised i wrote so much cos it started out rational (i dont hate my MIL) but guess the more i write, it got abit emo again.. :frustrated: -
Hi aurorin,
Life is definitely more blissful overseas…there is no rat race in school and your child is happier. Your MIL doesn’t live for herself…same old problem, she loves to compare like everyone else. Both husband and wife work, stay in nice apartment, buy a car, get a maid and better still, take them in.
They come from the same school of thought, ie the daughter in law should work, so their darling son wont have to support wife. Since both husband and wife work, that means MORE money to give her. -
Hi Janet,
Not to say life overseas always blissful but i feel happier here. Sometimes i feel like DH dont dare to feel happy or tell his folks he is happy cos he scare then his mom, grandma will be unhappy. You should see their faces when DH told them his Masters supervisor recommended him to go for PHD. First thing they say \"Must stay there longer ah? then when can come back\".. :roll:
I dont think MIL's problem is we not going to give her money (we still do but she dont ask, so its more like a token) cos my FIL still working full time. Her problem is emotional insecurity. And you are right, she wants me to work because she knows it will be a financial burden on DH if we were in SG and i ask to stay home with DD. Probably a degree of comparison too, esp with her siblings who are also grandparents so she feels she 'lost' out cos we dont ask her to take care of DD unlike what her sisters are doing or she feel like she cannot say much when her siblings tell her how well their children are doing in SG. Most imptly, she very scared that DH gave up a good job in SG to study overseas and will have no money after that. I guess it is the sporean pragmatism. Maybe she also dont feel as the wife, i shouldnt be more 'powerful' cos i am the one working now.
So even though between me and DH, we dont mind who 'bring in the bacon' etc (we are equal contributors to the family), DH gets stressed and irritable whenever his folks asked abt his studies and \"future plans\" constantly when they talk (i.e. $$$) but he wont tell them if he is unhappy with what they say.. he just quietly 'suffer' lor... Makes me sad for him.. And i always end up feeling like i am the evil DIL who takes their son away. But i learn to put that aside cos to me, only DH and DD most impt. I only wish DH can also feel less guilty that he put us as priority instead of suffering from indirect emotional blackmail. I told him if one day, his parents sick, need caring, we can do what we can to take care, bring them over or go back to SG more often, but my PIL both still fairly young and healthy (only early 60s) so why should we be made to feel guilty about wanting a better life for our next generation or ourselves?
Am i being too selfish?
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hi mummies, am i being petty here? pls read on.
last night when i went to my MIL place to fetch my kids, i noticed my daughter(13mths) hair is so short. i asked my mil iszit she brought my daughter for haircut. she said go downstairs cut, $10 so x hor. den ask me nice anot. i said Y cut so short, like boy. I was very unhappy to c my daughter’s hair cut until so short. BUT after awhile mil laughed & said FOC 1 la, is my SIL cut (her 2nd DIL). upon hearing that, my face went black & blood boiling. i never like my other SIL, worst, still go & cut hair for my daughter. i was so angry.
i feel that mil seems to be ‘testing’ my reaction. mayb she wants to see what will i say since previously she said bring my daughter downstairs for $10 haircut, den after that said is FOC haircut done by her 2nd DIL.
Unfortunately last night my hubby worked late & did not went up to my inlaws place. At home, i complaint to my hubby. He was very unhappy to see our daughter’s hair SO short like boy( i took pic) & even more unhappy to know is the 2nd SIL cut. we never like the 2nd SIL cos of many reasons. few days ago this SIL left some toys on the bed, never clear, den my son(3Y) went up the bed & stepped on the toys, slipped & fell & has a cut on his nose & cheek. when i saw him that night his nose was bleeding. mil said she scolded the DIL & she not happy, slam door & hide inside room.
Am i very petty abt the hair thingy? haiz, very angry so ve to rant here. -
I think as parents, especially as mothers, we will feel sad if our kids decide to live abroad and we do not get to see them as often as we would like. So can understand your MIL’s concerns about when you guys will be coming back. Even more so since she has only your DH and SIL.
And being asians, we are brought up with the men being the main breadwinner kind of culture. It is the norm for women to work these days but I will not agree for my son to depend on his wife nor my son-in-law to be depending on my dd to bring home the bacon. I will also prefer for DD to work rather then be totally dependant on her husband financially. I mean choice is ultimately hers but that will be my preference.
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