Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?
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Imami:
i think young parents don't really use canes nowadays. i feel that canes can still be used as a threatening 'weapon' to make sure they don't misbehave, especially naughty ones. punishment is still necessary. maybe can use soft punishment might help insteadIndeed, there is always a tendency to \"over punish\" when our tolorence is tested beyond our threshold. That is why I maintain that I don't spanking with \"weapon\"- my child still doesn't know the power of mr cane. He always thought the few canes at grandma's home are the fishing rods!
My sil, who parks her boy at my mil's, owns those canes, they are more for shows really. Each time, she would use them to whack the table the floor etc (to threaten her son) while my child and I look upon, it's quite amusing actually, knowing what she has up her sleeves but I always wonder how long this tactic would work since my child who is 1 year younger has already noticed - gu gu always use fishing rods to hit table and floor. -
Imami:
I never quite understood this when I heard one of my Singaporean friends tell me about it. It just sounds - cruel. And especially if it is done in the heat of the moment and anger of a parent, which I find hard to believe that it doesn't. It is also hard to believe that such a punishment will be effective beyond a certain age. Won't it lead to an even more rebellious child?Indeed, there is always a tendency to \"over punish\" when our tolorence is tested beyond our threshold. That is why I maintain that I don't spanking with \"weapon\"- my child still doesn't know the power of mr cane. He always thought the few canes at grandma's home are the fishing rods!
My sil, who parks her boy at my mil's, owns those canes, they are more for shows really. Each time, she would use them to whack the table the floor etc (to threaten her son) while my child and I look upon, it's quite amusing actually, knowing what she has up her sleeves but I always wonder how long this tactic would work since my child who is 1 year younger has already noticed - gu gu always use fishing rods to hit table and floor.
Personally, among my circle of friends, the most behaved children are the ones where the parent takes the time and patience to explain consequences to the child. The parent is firm and when the child chooses, he / she gets the consequence. Of course, occasionally, grace must be practiced if the child is really sorry - but not to the point of spoiling the child. That is another topic - where a lot of children in Western societies are too free and too spoiled.
Just some thoughts from a non-Asian. -
joyceharper:
Well, that's Asian culture for you. Mass culture shock!
I never quite understood this when I heard one of my Singaporean friends tell me about it. It just sounds - cruel. And especially if it is done in the heat of the moment and anger of a parent, which I find hard to believe that it doesn't. It is also hard to believe that such a punishment will be effective beyond a certain age. Won't it lead to an even more rebellious child?Imami:
Indeed, there is always a tendency to \"over punish\" when our tolorence is tested beyond our threshold. That is why I maintain that I don't spanking with \"weapon\"- my child still doesn't know the power of mr cane. He always thought the few canes at grandma's home are the fishing rods!
My sil, who parks her boy at my mil's, owns those canes, they are more for shows really. Each time, she would use them to whack the table the floor etc (to threaten her son) while my child and I look upon, it's quite amusing actually, knowing what she has up her sleeves but I always wonder how long this tactic would work since my child who is 1 year younger has already noticed - gu gu always use fishing rods to hit table and floor.
Personally, among my circle of friends, the most behaved children are the ones where the parent takes the time and patience to explain consequences to the child. The parent is firm and when the child chooses, he / she gets the consequence. Of course, occasionally, grace must be practiced if the child is really sorry - but not to the point of spoiling the child. That is another topic - where a lot of children in Western societies are too free and too spoiled.
Just some thoughts from a non-Asian.
Asian parents are so strict that now, in Western Media, it is a stereotype that all Asians are the \"calculators\" and \"dictionaries\"
I mean, take a look at this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUgT9GkeSw0
Being an Asian kid, I have always envied Western Kids for having so much freedom :X
I personally don't understand why Asian parents have to do this too. Whenever they cane and scold us, we try to ask them why and they ALWAYS tell us these six words in Chinese: \"打是疼骂是爱\" (Hanyu Pinyin: Dashiteng, Mashiai) which means, \"Caning you is caring for you, scolding you is loving you.\"
These six words gain Asian parents the permission to cane children all they want.
These six words come from the teachings of Confucianism in China, so it has been around for a good 2,500 years...
This six words is not the full phrase. The original full phrase is 打是亲骂是爱,不打不骂不成材 (Dashiqinmashiai, Budabumabuchengcai)
Which means \"Caning you is loving you, scolding you is loving you, If one does not receive any caning or scolding, he won't grow up to be a learned and successful man.\"
All Chinese culture...... Why did Confucius even come up with this.
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It's not just Chinese Culture.
IMO: most cultures and ethnic groups punish their children.
Check out Russell Peters: Beat Your Kids
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI
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The Bible (NIV) says:
Proverbs 23:13-14
13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
14 Punish them with the rod
and save them from death.
Proverbs 13:24
24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
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Very similar to Confucious -
Don't forget to vote in the Big Caning Poll:
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=37833 -
My DD2 is very playful & behave more like a boy. She is also not self discipline & a slow worker when come to homework. Normally I will give warning first, follow by counting down & caning is last resort.
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mummy so kiasu:
My DD2 is very playful & behave more like a boy. She is also not self discipline & a slow worker when come to homework. Normally I will give warning first follow by counting down & caning is last resort.
Sounds familiar
. There is one reason that I have stopped canning DD - no, 2. One, is that it makes me feel lousy after that, and two, I don't think it worked. I have resorted to getting her to do squat jumps instead - to strengthen her legs so I don't have to follow her into the squat toilets. 
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hmmmm
If they’re old enough to read and write…
Why not punish them by writing alphebets and/or lines ?
Kinda kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Of course … you might also have to consider the association they might make, that learning = punishment…
So thread carefully -
MrBig:
Yes, that's another thing I do, though hadn't been for some time. Hm... :evil: thanks for reminding me..hmmmm
If they're old enough to read and write...
Why not punish them by writing alphebets and/or lines ? -
I was most tempted to roll out corporal punishment when my kids were preschoolers. They tested boundaries and patience, made unreasonable demands and threw temper tantrums.
I followed every episode of Super Nanny, and managed to tailor the timeout corner successfully.
From innocent gurgling babies, our kids morphed into classical textbook Terrible Twos and Horrible Threes. For those parents going through this phase, take heart that it will pass.
Like what a few of you shared earlier, it really helps to be consistent in your parenting approach, and to walk away when you feel anger building up. Arm your kids with tools to deal with anger, condition them to learn delay gratification, tell them that harsh words and tone can be hurtful, and other life skills to deal with meltdowns.
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