Spouse or Kids? Which comes first?

[Funz]

buds:

Finally, the nut cracked uh?
This is fab, Funz.. never heard you mention this before.
It used to mostly be; either he works himself away.. is depressed..
or forgot he has a wife and children.. So this is definitely a huge upgrade.
Nice to feel appreciated ya? :love:

So you! Ya you, Funz...

.

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Stop skewing watever that is you are skewing. :spank:

Buds_hubs has been extremely thoughtful and shows it.
I loike! He makes super effort to lighten my load be it with
the girls and buds_chubs or the household-neverends.. so tt
we have time together to chat, watch tv, cuddle, or oh well... u
know what... :evil: Best one would be, he now ensures i get to have
a my meals without distraction be it together (all of us) or even at times
quiet ones on my own which i enjoy. Meal times was always about me getting
up from my seat to get/replenish drinks... get up to wipe spills... get the crying
baby... etc... Now nope.. He says, \"You sit and eat. I will get this.\" :please:

I can feel my ranking getting better too.

Ahhh... still chipping away at that nut. It will always be work in progress.

I think the counselling sessions did help put some things into perspective for him and for me. The cloud of depression will always be looming. But now that he recognises the signs himself, he can manage it better. That period was one of the toughest, especially when I saw what it did to DD. Even just recalling what happened brings on all the emotions and I have to remind myself that what he said and did, during that period, that was not him but the depression talking.

As for skewing my priorities, well sometimes, cannot help it lah. When they all fall sick at the same time, the kids will get my attention first. DH will pout like a baby but he can go to the doc himself the kids can't.

So work in progress, always work in progress. Cannot rest on my laurels yet or ever.

[3Boys]

In view of a side discussion in another thread, time to resurrect this. C’mon ladies and gentlemen, what can you do to flame proof your marriage from a foreign attack?

[wearefamily]

3Boys:

In view of a side discussion in another thread, time to resurrect this. C'mon ladies and gentlemen, what can you do to flame proof your marriage from a foreign attack?

My personal experience, both husband and wife needs to work very hard at constantly maintaining a loving relationship. If either party starts to get heart stirrings for an outsider, it usually means something is not quite right in their marital relationship. Just my humble opinion...

[corneyAmber]

Actually there is no short cut, it is a continuous effort to make it last till death do us part....

[Mychildren]

3Boys:

A bit like asking whether food or water is more important. Reading through a different thread, really sent a shudder down my spine. God forbid that I fail so badly in my marriage that we should seek a separation.


DW and I have vowed that no matter how KSParents we be, we will always set aside fixed time for each other every week. Go out for dinner, watch a movie, romance each other and have 'together' time very regularly. In the busyness of work and child-minding, its all too easy to take each other for granted, and then slowly drift apart. If the bond is strong and there is intimacy, many obstacles can be overcome.

My posit is that a strong marriage begets a strong family, and if there were a conflict between spouse-time and kid-time, spouse time usually comes out ahead.

Your thoughts?

Yes, u're right always there are kids fighting for our attention. That's why need to spend some time talking to each other & know what's expected from the other party. Sometimes, DH took leave just to have individual time with me. Communication is the most important part in a relationship.
At the beginning of our marriage life, I always listen to him & follow his idea but feels not happy with some of his choices. But just keep quiet. Later realise, shouldn't be this way.
So after like that for a few years, I became bold enough to tell him how i feel about certain things & what I don't really like. Not opposing him but telling him I would rather choose this than that. So all the way like that we still can voice up our differences with each other, yet can live happily together sharing the tasks of our home.
Communication is very very important in a relationship.

[verykiasumummy]

communication always comes first… and it is a 2-way thingy whether who feels the temptation or gets astray…


i used to share my opinions with my dh to make him understand why and how i do things, eg handling kids… and i must say, if there are any quarrels, most are because of in-laws… much as he can tolerate his ignorant parents, i always keep mum when they ask me for anything… but afterwhich i will tell him all… its better to tell him than to keep to myself, to make him think that i’m ok with everything…

[3Boys]

Ladies,

men don’t want another ‘mummy’ (at least I don’t). That’s why women sometimes scratch their heads and wonder, ‘what on earth are these men thinking when they stray, don’t they know what they are giving up?’

Often, they do know. But men marry for passion. He married you, the wife, because somewhere along the line, you caught his eye and he was ‘hot’ for you.

Those home-wreckers who intend to insert themselves between you and your man know this ALL TOO WELL. They seek to inflame the long lost passions in YOUR man. Many responsible husbands will know how to resist, but there will also be many, particularly if things are not right with their wives, will fall.

So, all the DWs out there, don’t become your hubby’s caregiver…become your hubby’s lover. Keep the spark and passion alive, don’t let housework or kids become an excuse, ever!

[Mychildren]

3Boys:

Ladies,

men don't want another 'mummy' (at least I don't). That's why women sometimes scratch their heads and wonder, 'what on earth are these men thinking when they stray, don't they know what they are giving up?'

Often, they do know. But men marry for passion. He married you, the wife, because somewhere along the line, you caught his eye and he was 'hot' for you.

Those home-wreckers who intend to insert themselves between you and your man know this ALL TOO WELL. They seek to inflame the long lost passions in YOUR man. Many responsible husbands will know how to resist, but there will also be many, particularly if things are not right with their wives, will fall.

So, all the DWs out there, don't become your hubby's caregiver......become your hubby's lover. Keep the spark and passion alive, don't let housework or kids become an excuse, ever!

3Boys,
Thanks you for your warnings. I'll hold my DH tight from today onwards & make sure he only c me. No joke.

[Mychildren]

Just to share, there’s someone I knew named W.


W & her guy knew each other during school days. They applied flat & intend to go through customary marriage. However, just before these, her guy was sent by company for oversea work, stationed there for how long, I forgotten.
W said she missed him & I proposed to her to go & c him or call him everyday. She went for a few trips there. However, when W told her guy that she wanted to stay there together with him. The guy rejected & he kept delaying the custom marriage. Fyi, ROM already.
Later, cannot postphone anymore as they had signed up the wedding dinner some years ago. Invitation cards were printed & most things are ready even the flat was there.
However, just some weeks before the actual day, this guy called to tell the truth, he got someone over there & cannot commit. C how this guy messed up W’s life. Now, she still not married & what age already, hard to find someone who really love u. Guys, u know la, choose what? The younger ones & non that has gone through divorce?
Its a sad story so I always advise people not to drag the pak tou so long, quickly settled down if u have find your Mr & Mrs Right.

[indigoblue]

3Boys:

So, all the DWs out there, don't become your hubby's caregiver......become your hubby's lover. Keep the spark and passion alive, don't let housework or kids become an excuse, ever!

Dear 3boys
...this is easier said thn done.
What if hubby is one who complains when house is messy, when creepy crawlies invade the kitchen at night ,when kids grades slide a little...and yet still expect to be able to come home daily to a perfumed ,purring kitten that clings to him and sayang him? Give me a break!